I came out to my family about being asexual and transgender. My dad... well he doesn't understand, but is quietly trying to wrap his head around the idea.
But my mum looks at me like I'm some shit she stepped in on the pavement and dragged all over the carpet. She's told me that I'm wrong and disgusting, that it's just a phase I'm going through like my SI, and that if I ever consider or get surgery (or mutilation as she calls it) that she'll be horrified and sicked by me and my actions. My sister won't look or talk to me, except to shriek that I'm some freak who deserves to get beaten up because I'm so fucking weird.
I don't know what to do. I can't stay like this, I can't. I need to transition. But I never wanted to destroy my family like this. And I just can't help wondering if it would have been a better idea to just keep my damn mouth shut and not started any of this.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Location: A Dark Place Somewhere North Of The Border
I am currently:
families should be about unconditional love, loving each other no matter what but they aren't anymore and if your family can't see that the person they love is still the same person then maybe they just need time to come to terms with it, its their fault they dont get it not yours hunni so dont blame yourself for who you are :)
always here if you need to talk
Nihil
x
First of all, I'd just like to say that in no way are you a freak, or abnormal or anything like that, the way you are isn't a choice, and I'm sure you didn't just wake up one morning and randomly decide to transition for the sake of it, I think I have that much understanding anyway.
I'm sorry that your Mum has taken it so badly, and your sister, but I'm glad that your Dad seems to be trying to come to terms with what you've told them. I know it must be a huge thing to come out with (I came out as Lesbian, but I can't imagine what it would have been like for you), but it must also be a huge thing to accept from a child. I hope your family realises that you are still the same person as you were before, just with the prospect of living a happy and fulfilled life in the way that you feel comfortable, opposed to having to live a false, unhappy life just to keep other people happy. To me, any family should just want that for each other, and I hope yours finds this too.
I think you know inside that you couldn't keep hiding it forever, and that in the scheme of things, in a way, it was a good thing that you came out to your family. You're not keeping it a secret now, and it's your choice what you do with your life, and if you feel that transitioning is the best way forward for you, then that's your business.
Being straight, and comfortable with your biological (well, how you were born, to the outside world - I hope I've worded that right ><) gender, isn't 'normal', it's just more common. It's said that everyone is unique, so there can't be any such thing as 'normal'. Having a second head would be 'weird', being transgendered isn't at all.
Sorry for the essay! xD
I hope everything works out for you.
If you want to chat, feel free to PM me any time :)
Marie
x
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
We never really got on well as a family to start with, and I think I'm just being stupid about the whole thing. The thing I probably should do is accept that I'm never going to be good enough for my mum, and stop wanting or needing her approval of me. It's never going to happen, and I get ridiculously upset even though I know I won't get it for whatever reason.
I hate the secrecy of my family. I hate the way that my mum turned around and said could we forget the conversation and I just learn to live with my body. I hate the way that no one will talk about this ever again, unless I drag them kicking and screaming into a conversation that is long overdue, in the hope that if we don't mention it it won't exist. I hate this situation.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
This is your life, your body, your feelings and your choice. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, it's really not meant to, but at the end of the day, you have to live your life for you, and not for other people. As you said in your post, it was never your intention to hurt anyone, only to be who you feel you really are.
I understand how you feel about your mum, I really do, I went through a similar situation with mine, and I'm only just starting to come to terms with not constantly thinking about what she thinks of me, and what she'd want, and basically living my life around her feelings, after being away from her for 8 months and having rare contact. I understand how you're feeling completely.
The secrecy thing is common, I think. If you don't mention it, it'll just go away, I think you said. But it's not really going to, right? I mean, you can't exactly just ignore how you feel about this, when it's the rest of your life you're talking about.
How old are you, can I ask? Are you old enough to move out? I'm not suggesting that if you are, you do automatically, but if you are, then at the end of the day, it's completely up to you with what choices you make.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
I'm 19 and I have moved out (to my girlfriend's place, which is another thing that she disapproves of).
I can't understand why I actually get my hopes up that this time she'll be nice to me about something. I think it every time I tell her something, and she always hates what I decide to do. Sorry, I'm just whining now (why can't she love meeeee?).
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
But I never wanted to destroy my family like this. And I just can't help wondering if it would have been a better idea to just keep my damn mouth shut and not started any of this.
Darling, it isn't your responsibility to make anyone happy except yourself. While in an ideal world we would love to please everybody, in our world this simply doesn't happen. Instead, just look out for yourself; it;s not being selfish because your family have no right to try and control your life. You are your own person and just because they are your blood does not mean that you owe them anything. It is YOUR body and you are well within your right to modify it as you wish. Your family may not approve but that simply shows exactly how shallow they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by scáth
The thing I probably should do is accept that I'm never going to be good enough for my mum, and stop wanting or needing her approval of me. It's never going to happen, and I get ridiculously upset even though I know I won't get it for whatever reason.
*Hugs*
I hate to simply repeat myself love, but you should not strive for her approval. She does not own you. She does not respect your wishes. You do not owe it to her to try and make her understand. Some people are set in their ways; remember what I've told you about my partents? You are your own person and if you feel like a person is forcing you to change who you are then you should realise that something is awray.
Quote:
Originally Posted by scáth
I can't understand why I actually get my hopes up that this time she'll be nice to me about something. I think it every time I tell her something, and she always hates what I decide to do.
She evidently does not understand you. You are a very complex individual and that is not something a parent can identify with. You have been through a lot of stuff and sometimes the best way another person can cope with that is to deny it; in her mind she sees that if she does not approve of it it will simply dissapear.
But when it comes down to it, family asie, are you happier now you are with the person you love and are taking steps to 'mend' your image as you wish it to be? I am sure that the answer is yes. We both know how much you have wanted this and i'm proud that you have had the courage to come this far. Don't let the disapproval or someone irrelevant hinder your own journey of self-discovery and improvement.
