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Triggering (SI) - F***ed up AGAIN
all i want to do is just find my old penknife and slice into my stupid skin!
i mess everything up, i get given these amazing opportunities and just ruin them. college gave me a second chance, and then another one, and i blew them. 3 years in f*ckin university and no f*cking degree. i was actually given a place on a masters that i would f*cking love, moved down, started the course and now i just have to move back f*cking home again. and homes not even there so i have to find some other shithole to live in. MY LIFE IS A JOKE!
and i have to make it worse by going out and getting hammered and screwing some guy. i cheat on my boyfriend because i dont love him and he treats me like ****, but i cant leave him because i need to be held. its like ive had my finger on the self destruct button since i was 10 years old. ADs cant help me. weed cant. vodka cant. pills cant. all i want to do is just freeze, just stop life. just not exist anymore. because what is the f*cking point if everything just hurts all the time.
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