I Found Myself

[Antarctica]

I Found Myself
__________________________________________________ _________
I may be out of the tunnel of shame
but the darkness still stains my cloths
The terror still haunts my most inner thoughts night to night

of a life without mercy
of a life where a special blindness took over my eyes and muffled my ears

were my eyes could not tell the difference in color

where eyes could not make out the color of my skin
it could have been red or dark it did not matter it was all a terrifying blur

people tried to talk to me
but my mind was consumed in the scream

all the stop signs were red
all the thoughts revolved around my screams

all the doctors dismissed
all the parents were confused and condemning

I would pray for dreams to escape the realty

all my gifts and talents
hidden by a Red Blanket over my body
all my thoughts were doomed
all my loves were crashed in a slow burn

I could love others but never myself
for the hate was not just mental but it was in printed

although during a time of chaos’s I clung on to life but at the same time I never knew why I keep living
when pain was constant
but hour by hour
I keep living and swimming in the pools of my Red

I found my Lights in the Sky
which I followed
no other person could save me I found
no medicine no drug or therapy could drive me

even when I hated myself I kept loving others
even when death was knocking I never let him in
even when all seemed doomed I kept Progressing

In faith
In work
In school
In myself

I found that my death or my life was going to ride on my hole being to withstand the torture and find a Life I wanted

Through hundreds of self inflected injuries
Through Broken home
Through Depression and Suicides

I found My limits and Character
I found My God and beliefs
I found My Loves
I found Myself

If you asked me
would I rather had wanted a another life to start with
I would say no

Because I have found who I am and what I can endure and achieve

if I can brake these barriers
Then Nothing can brake me.


By Christian helmersen.

[moonprincessanita]

I so love it.

[sjhope]

very inspiring, keep writing that kind of stuff, you know keeping it real about life's hardships but with the positive at the end. We need more people like you out there sending that message:) awesome job!