alone. no safe. help

littlemermaid · 30-08-2009, 03:59 AM

my friends are all giggling in the room next door, i dont want to join them and just sit in the cornor.they are gonna go out and party . i am in no mood to go with them. i dont think i can be around people without completely freaking out. whats wrong with me? when did i become such a mess? i never realized that being in an apartment full of friends could be more lonely than just being alone.

im not in a very safe place.

its my senior year of college. im supposed to be happy and having fun. but all i want to do is camp out on my bed.

my friends havent even wondered wherei am. i have been camped out in my room for 3+ hours just staring into space with random bouts of tears streaming down my face. i need my friends, im gonna give in to these urges without them. i need to know they care. im in here feeling absoolutly horrible and they are in the room next door partying and getting drunk.

not not safe place

Pomegranate · 30-08-2009, 04:39 AM

There is nothing 'wrong' with you. You are struggling and I understand what you are feeling completely and how it seems to make absolutely no sense to your logical brain. I was supposed to be graduating from uni this year (I'm guessing that is your college equivalent) but I ended up having to take time out.

It is hard but your friends probably do not know what to say or do to help or for the best. Maybe you need to go downstairs, just to the kitchen or something to get something and say 'hi'. I know sometimes even this seems like a huge deal but it will remind them that you are there too. So many people have no idea how to deal with m/h issues. Even if they don't react how you want them to it is 99% likely that it is because of ignorance.

littlemermaid · 30-08-2009, 05:13 AM

im supposed to be graduating this year too. and i feel no more grown up, and ready for life than i did back when i was like 16, maybe even less so now.

i feel like such a loser. everyone is out having fun and im sitting in my room alone on a sat night just crying and staring into space.

when will i every growup and be able to just deal with stuff! i dont even know whats bothering me. life just sucks for no reason

Pomegranate · 30-08-2009, 05:17 AM

I don't know what to say to you except I promise you that you are not alone in feeling this. Even my friends without m/h issues have expressed feeling unable to deal with 'real life' after graduation etc. The extra stress of dealing with 'real life' will not be helping your mental health. Is it possible for you to take a bit of time out and maybe stay with either family or friends in the mean time?

littlemermaid · 30-08-2009, 05:19 AM

not really.

my family doesnt really understand the seriusness of my issues. my mom thinks that everything is all fine and i had one hard semester and now im perfect again. I wish!

its like as long as i am not currently hurting myself things are great. so not true

Pomegranate · 30-08-2009, 05:22 AM

Have you tried speaking to your mum?

Do you have any friends apart from those at college that you could talk to? Friends from school or whatever?

littlemermaid · 30-08-2009, 05:30 AM

i try...its hard to talkto her about this stuff. se has a warped idea of m/h

my friends are college are the best friends ive got. they are legit like family to me. at home i hide all my feelings in, at school, i just cant. i dunno sometimes its like im too comfortable with them i cant hide my feelings at all and i just am tooo vulnerable in some ways.

but im not comfortable calling or getting in touch with anyone at this time of night...my friends are out partying. im just alone. they left without even saying bye

Merc · 30-08-2009, 11:16 AM

to be fair, did they know you were upset?
maybe next time try asking one friend if they would come sit with you/talk with you.
I know ho whard it is to talk, but you are going to have to reach out to someone to get the support you need to help yourself.
Have you ever spoken to a doc? maybe a referral to a couns/therapist/psych?
Its scary going the first time...but it can be worth it. Lots of ppl here have great help.
If you cant tell the doc all what you need to, write it down, so if you get 'stuck' you can either read off thepage or hand it to her/him.
Going out can become so difficult. But i have learned one thing; the longer you avoid it, the harder it becomes to do it.
Sometimes doing something (ie; going out with friends) can help so much more than sitting home alone, feeling awful.
Good luck. I hope you can take the next step.

littlemermaid · 30-08-2009, 03:23 PM

yes they knew. and i didnt want to talk becaus i had nothing to talk about. i dont know whats wrong....

i have go to the doctors. I have a therapist and psychiatrist. im on meds and see the therapist twice a week. so i have taken that step...