Um so check in...................
on wed moning- i decided it was going to be a 'good day'. i woke up at 6am- wasnt intended- i was heading off to a 9am class and my dad out of no where was across the road form my house= he had walked over 214 kilometers form the house with my mother. he walked out on her telling me while in tears that he just wanted to see his sister and his cousions up north. he had not showered since mondayday- possibly not eaten nor slept in a warm place. me being the person i am made him come to my house and have some food, a drink and tell me what was going on. he came in and ate some, told me he had no money until nest tuesday and was intending on going up north- he refused any help form me what so ever- no money (not even to stay the night- didnt want to blugde off me) I called my pastor once i got father at my house- they came over and jsut sat with us, father tired to leave- got angry and teary, i didnt want him to leave but my pastor made me let him go- and folowed father out. father sat and had smoke on park bench while pastor came back inside......... 20 mins later father not back. me went looking only to find he had gone! came back in tears again :(, pastor went driving to find father- pastorcame back without him but had some news- i had the idea that father had maybe gone to see birds- so ran off while freinds (pastors wife) ran after me and convinced me to come back to the house. pastor had managed to give father $20 cash and once back called local policeman, who with another memeber went out searching for father. they found him- i was asked to meet them at the police station- didnt want to go, but two friends came with me.
police told me, that they though father to bementally stable and gave father my contact numbers to call once arrieved up norht and let him go. it was then that father seen me.... he was upset that id "called the police on him" but i was only concerned- and it wasnt me :( father told me that i was better off without him, that i should leave him alone, he didnt want me or my 'family' and was leaving for good. what could i do- but let him go and stand crying.
i came home and went into my second class of the day- didnt take anything in- instead i figured that what had jsut happend was only a dream/a nightmare and all i needed to do was sleep and wake it- it would be fine................. so i left class, came home, took some pills and slept- woke up showered, harmed and then ODed........ 20 mins later i freaked out rang a friend and went to emergency. apparently i cold have died form what i took. so here i am despretly hoping agininst all odds that i can beat this and doing everything im my power to do so.
and finally jsut got back form doctors- they jsut wanted to check and had called me in........ who kinda (well did) say that im (maybe) developing and eating disorder andi needa fix it not to mention that if i keep on this path i wont survive- so realtiy check- i dont want to die, rather i would live and prove it can be done.
thanks for reading, and sorry its long and probally got bad spelling.
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