I am currently 23 years of age and I feel that I have already wasted most of my adult life. It is true that I have not cut in little over four years, which I am very proud of such a fact but honestly I find myself longing to do so.. I haven't exactly cut but I have been doing a lot more picking then I have in a while, leaving deep little holes in my arms where I just don't allow them to heal.
I have just came out of a very abusive relationship, I was with him for six years.. I started dating him when I was about 18 years old, and have just recently woken up to have he had done to me at 23 years of age. He had spent most of that time always telling me how worthless I was, and how fat I was and how I didn't try enough in our relationship. Though when I try to bring it up how it made me feel he said that I was being cruel by laying guilt trips on him. When I get depressed he would always get mad at me and he would try to make me "feel" better by saying random things and when I just give him a strained smile he stomped off and made me feel even worse. He was also very sexually abusive, which I can't bring myself to go into the details least I will have another panic attack.
I just don't understand how I stayed with such a man for six years.. Six years that I was blind where people who even claimed he was abusive to me I would just get mad and defend him. Even now I feel weird by admitting to myself how bad he was, I keep trying to figure out what I could of done wrong to have deserved such things.
I just.. I need advice, am I going crazy? I know he was very abusive but I keep trying to figure out ways of what I could of done better.
hugs its great that you are out of the abusive relationship im sorry that you had to go through it but trust me - it makes you stronger
at 23 you have so much in front of you. life is going to be what you make of it so get out there and run as fast as you can towards what you want from life and catch it
you are only as succcessful as you strive to be. xxx
My sister was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, which only ended after he threw her downstairs, stole her car and left her in £25,000 of debt. My sister is probably one of the strongest most intelligent people I knnow, but she was severly manipulated by her ex. Truth is your ex just wanted you to feel worthless so he could control you. My guess is that he was horrified by the prospect that you would realise how muuch better than him you are and finish him, so he tried to subdue you. You have no reason to feel you should have done better, or that you have bbeen stupid staying with this man. You survived this experience and now you can do whatever you want to with your life. My sister changed career for example, and is now working as a lawyer (she was a teacher). She always says that her ex made her determined to prove that she was a successful and strong woman and she certainly is now. Don't let this guy win, I know you feel a little scared and possibly a bit embarrased, but try to talk to a family member or friend about what happened. Focus entirely on what you want in life, you deserve to be a bit selfish now, and remember you've come through this, you can get through anything!
Play the game out
Amor Vincit Omnia
Dad 10/11/2008 Always our sunshine, I'm still playing for the town hall clock
Maybe you need to think less about the past and more about what to do now... because you certainly haven't wasted most of your adult life... you're barely an adult... so you need to decide what you're going to pursue and get on your feet, cause you have at LEAST 30 or 40 more years before you are old. So find clubs, join activities, until you find something that you love.
I don't know what to say in regards to the relationship, sorry.
*big, big, big hugs*
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hon I think if you ask anyone who has been in an abusive relationship they will testify as to just how difficult it it is to develop the courage to get out of one. Nobody on the "outside" thinks that they would put up with being treating badly the truth is as Ginny said being made to feel worthless and manipulated is enough to take anyone's strength away. You're not at fault in the slightest and the best think you can do know is take some time to focus on yourself. Your new life is in honesty just beginning, you have so much time left! This is just the start I promise. What do you as a person want? It may take some time to figure that out but give yourself that time because you're probably not used to figuring out your own needs. Having been in that relationship for a while it might be an idea to focus on how you can heal some of the scars from that time and then it might be easier to focus on what you want to do with your life.
Please take care and good luck!
Kiran
xx
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
Thank you for the replies... I understand what you all are saying and I know it but sometimes I just don't feel it. I constantly have always been bad about tearing myself down and second guessing myself, and I just feel that he had made it worse.
I just want the world to stop spinning but your right, something like this shouldn't take me down nor will I allow it.. I can't afford mentally to be the victim for long, I want to overcome this and go further then him.
He just confuses me a lot, his trying to stay my friend. He keeps saying he did the "best" for me but yet he cheated on me for a year, and did all those really horrible things.. It was such mixed signals I hate that I feel lost in my own mind because of him, I hate that in a way I still love him yet he hurt me the most out of everyone I have ever known.
Hun, you haven't wasted your life. I'm glad you're out of that relationship, now you can start afresh. *hugs* Things can get better, hun. Give it time. :] I'm sorry I'm not really being helpful, but I'm always here if you wanna talk. xo.
