aw Hazard ... that DOES sound rough!
With all the worry you have about your grandma, this is probably the time when you need your best friend the MOST!
But it sounds as if this fight with your friend was a biggie .... which I completely understand. You are under a great deal of stress right now with worrying about your grandma ... and even though I dont know what the fight with your friend was about, I do know that when people are worried about something, they can be so stressed that they often say and do things that they dont really mean. I know that I tend to get very short-tempered with people when I've got other stuff on my mind.
But the thing is ... if this friend of yours is a true friend, and if you've had a bit of a history together and have been through quite alot, then I think she just may understand why you've not been yourself lately, and if you have really done something wrong in this situation, then your friend may be open to accepting a genuine, heartfelt apology.
Our lives are always going to be full of these ups and downs .... and somewhere along the line, we need to find ways to cope with our problems without automatically reaching for the pills, or the bottle, or the needle, or whatever your drink or drug of choice may be.
I think you know this already Hazard, but to risk stating the obvious, those Lortabs are not going to fix this rift between you and your friend .... nor will they help to make your grandma well.
Drinking and drugging doesnt solve anything - they may make us feel a little better for a short period of time, but those numbed/euphoric feelings do wear off eventually, and then you are left with the choice of either facing your problems head on, or taking more drink/drugs to maintain those numb/euphoirc feelings.
And even though we may make the choice to drink more, or take more drugs, we are still not fixing anything by doing this. Sure - we may feel quite pleasant and calm .... or maybe we dont feel anything at all, which can be quite nice when we've got alot of stress going on .... But it still doesnt solve anything - the original problem is still there ... PLUS ... we also may have to cope with the beginnings of another substance abuse problem all over again!
At least if you dont pick up those Lortabs, you are not ADDING to your problems ... and you're giving yourself a clean head to be able to figure out exactly how you ARE going to cope with the stress and problems that you've got going on in your life right now.
The situation with your friend may be resolved .... and perhaps having that friendship to fall back on could help with the worries you have about your grandma. I know for me, having a close friend who cares about me and who I can talk to, can make all the difference when horrible stuff is happening in my life that is out of my control. And unfortunately this situation with your grandma IS out of your control. Through no fault of their own, people get sick, and after a certain point, there's nothing that we can do about it - we just have to have faith that the doctors, the medication, and treatments are giving that person the best chance of getting well. If you have religious beliefs, then you can pray ..... but it may also help if you spent some time visiting your grandma (if that's possible), and letting you know how you feel about her. - I'm sure that it would be nice for her to have visitors, and it also think it may help you to feel a bit better about things too.
Keep talking here if it helps Hazard ... but I also hope you can work things out with your friend. You sound like you're very hard on yourself, but if you really have messed things up with your friend, then perhaps she'd be receptive of a sincere apology from you. I reckon you kinda need your friend to lean on right now ... but if it doesnt work out, dont forget that you always have us to talk to :)
Take care xxx
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