Triggering (SI) - random thoughts ive had today

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when i cut i feel .. ..not bad. a long time after i cut i feel like sH*t when i starve myself i feel pain. . .that replaces cutting. starving myself is worse on my body than cutting. . . .but cutting sent me to the hospitol. starving didnt. why? havent slept for four days. but ive daydreamed :). . . .about sleeping :(. i put all my blades in my friends hands today. told him not to trash them. i might need hem somedy. he told me quiting was gonna be like cigarettes. cant do it cold turkey. why is cold turkey? why cant it be . . .really good breaks? cuz "i hit the breaks real hard but i just couldnt stop" sounds better then "cold turkey didnt work". im only being so random cuz i dont care anymore. i have lost so much sleep. . .he thing is tho, when i cut i sleep like a baby. and i havent cut for 5 days now. 5. thats so long. i cant beleive it. feels like a year. all my cus are healed up and my skin is just itching for new ones. i can fel it. its like. . .tingles that you get when ur foot falls asleep. . . but on my wrists and my shoulders and my legs. everywhere i cut. wont go away till its replaced with another scar. ok. . um idk what to say. i had to go to work late because i couldnt get my clothes folded rite today. ..my whole ocd thing. . .took me an hour and a half to fold 6 shirts, 3 pairs of pants, 5 pairs of shorts, 4 pairs of sox, and 6 pairs of boxers. its rediculus. but i cant help it. i cant drive when i am having panick atacks so i had to do it. umm havent eaten in about 2 days.. . barely feel it now. wait till day 3 or four. then i eat. i drink a lot tho. im punishing myself for eating so much at my friends house. i ate !!!2!!! bags of fritos (the little bags not the big family sized ones, id puke). and an apple AND a granola bar. i was busting a gut. ihate that it made me so mad. i almost cut but i didnt. my stepdad smacked me today. i cried in front of him and he called me a baby. . . that really hurts you know... but i got a lot going on i think i can cry a little. its like he never cried before. bs. well i gotta get some sleep. i dunno how yet. but i think that if i can find a way to sleep without cutting its one less reason to cut. (out of litterally the 23 i found). oh well. so if you could reply to this i have request for information.!!!
1) good ways to not think about cutting
2) some way to cure my ocd and my insomnia (not drugs tho)
3) a way to make me sleep without using drugs or cutting
4) why its called cold turkey.

i hate my room being next to the kitchen. . .

[PassedExpectations]

1) not sure, haven't yet gotten there, but distractions
2) see a doc, CBT or EX/RP therapy is usually VERY helpful for OCD, insomnia, again,see what the doc thinks
3) put on soothing music and focus on your breathing, or relaxing and tensing different muscle groups (whoops, tense first)
4) not sure, so I'll probably look it up and try to tell you later

PS. Starving eventually puts you in the hospital too.

[iliketea416]

I have some good tips with regard to sleep :)

They all sound very basic, but don't knock them until you've tried them :)

Have a shower around 1/2 an hour before you want to sleep. As your body cools down, it will make you feel drowsy.

Keep your bed for sleeping only, no eating etc. Make it like a sleep sanctuary. If you want to read (and reading is particularly good for sleeping) then lie down to do it so all you have to do is let go of the book.

Give yourself a bedtime routine. Do the same things before you go to bed, in the same order every night.

No matter what time you fall asleep, get up at the same time everyday, including the weekends. This will force your body into a natural sleep pattern. It's going to feel hellish the first few times, but trust me, this one really works.

If you're lying there restless don't just stay in bed. Get up and do something (out of bed) then go back to bed with your same bedtime routine.

Stop drinking caffine after 6, no coke, no tea etc. Sounds trivial but again, it will help. Try decaf. Also, no alcohol after 6 if you can help it. It's a common mistake that alcohol helps you sleep. It doesn't. It will help you get to sleep but it seriously disturbs your REM cycle so you won't actually sleep affectively.

Hope these helped. I used to struggle a lot with insomnia from some medication I was taking, and these really work, but you have to stick to them religiously.

With regard to it being called cold turkey...

The etymology derives from the phrase talk turkey, in which someone deals matter-of-factly with a subject. Some, however, believe the derivation is from the comparison of a cold turkey carcass and the state of a withdrawing addict — most notably, the cold sweats and goose bumps. It is often preceded by the verb "to go," as in "going cold turkey." Yet another suggestion of origin is that cold turkey is a dish that needs little or no preparation. "To quit like cold turkey" would be to quit in the same way a cold turkey is served, instantly just as you are without preparation.

With the not thinking about cutting... there is a great distraction list here:
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=13

I really have no idea what it's like to have OCD, but I'm wondering if everytime you get a compulsion, you could pause for a moment to think about it. Think about whether it's rational, whether it's sensible, and try and decide how much time you are going to give it. Try not to let these compulsions ruin your day. I appreciate that it's easier said than done, but do try and concider each one individually.

Lastly, be kind to yourself. You are going to slip up, but you are going to have good days. Reward yourself for hard work, and don't kick yourself when you're down.

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about the sleep help.. . .eh i will try it i promise. but it does seem hellish. but its 5 days now i think. . im losing count there running together.. oh 5 days without sleep i mean. about the cold turkey. hollyyyyy crap. thats lke amazing i dunno how youfound that. but thank youu. my curiosity has been ended. maybe that will help me sleep. one less thing on my mind. about the OCD, umm i do try to think about it but its not something you think about really. its just its a feelig like something has to be done this way or im going to puke. i never puke but i get all worried and its like the end of the world omg !!! as for being kind to myself. . ive been trying but it just seems i dont deserve it sometimes so i dont . . . .but i know thats bad. its on my giant to-do list dont worry.