Triggering (SI) - ............(kind of rantish)............
So up until a couple weeks ago I had only cut once since January...then I don't know what happened...things have been going down hill....
The following content has been hidden - Reason : possibly triggering
I've been cutting on my wrist...not really wanting to die, but cutting deeper and deeper everytime and wondering if it's going to be it.
The one person who has helped me so much is so worried... he was worried enough he even asked to see my cuts....i was so scared and scared enough I didn't show them all to him, just the ones on the top side of my wrist....i want to cut so bad!!!
I don't know why I just do. I feel so horrible that I am making him so worried, he is even considering calling uni and telling them (he is faculty) because he is so worried. I didn't cut last night but I don't think i can make it through another night....it's horrible. The only thing he can relate it to is chewing tobacco. i used to smoke though and i know those cravings, but it seems the cravings i have to cut are a 100 times worse than those. Is this just me? i don't think he really understands how hard it is to not cut and how bad I want it!!!!!
I bought blades today....i wasn't going to...I told my self i wasn't and I avoided the shaving aisle because i knew I would...but then i saw some in a totally unexpected aisle....and i gave in.....f*** what am i doing??????????????
Well soon 1 night will be over. It will be the next day and you will feel stronger. Let him help you.Whats the worst that could happen?
Trying to fight it is the worst part of s/h. I had no problem with mine till I tried to stop and the urges were nothing like I has ever been through before.But each night I got through it,the next would be easier...
Hope you're ok *hugs*
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut
He has helped me....we're just both at a point where neither one of us knows how to help me anymore.....tonight will be worse.....i don't know if i can make it through without cutting....I don't think I can...
Last edited by Country Girl : 12-08-2009 at 01:55 AM.
Reason: it didn't make sense
Well why not just go to bed. Try to sleep. Make the morning come quicker.Night times are always the worst. Especially when you're by yourself at least.
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut
when i am in bed though it's worse because that's always where I am when i cut....and it's only 8....last night I laid in bed tossing and turning trying to sleep but couldn't because i wanted to cut so bad.....i'm not even sure how much i slept last night....
Ah lack of sleep is a bitch..And damn time zones. It's like 2am here :p
Well why not watch a movie or something. I play left 4 dead alot...Killing zombies = goos mood and hours of distraction.
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut
Well why not try and divert your mind....Whats on the tele for instance...I'm probably watching one of the most triggering things I could - "painful secrets" - really good but soooo over the top.
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut
So up until a couple weeks ago I had only cut once since January...then I don't know what happened...things have been going down hill.... 
