How?

[MrsJardine]

I'm 26, i have few friends who i'd actually consider to be a friend. Most of the "friends" i have i hardly hear from, and i only see them when L invites me out. I don't know how to make new friends, but i desperately want too. I need some human contact other than my husband. Don't get me wrong i love my husband and i'd be lost without him, but it's not enough. I need friends.

But like i said i don't know how to make friends, it isn't easy like it was when i was younger. I'd just talk to anyone. Now i find it hard talking to people, i go to weight watchers every wednesday and i'm slowly starting to talk to people more. But not enough for me to able to ask them for a coffee or something. I'm starting a photography course in september, but i know i'll probably not talk to anyone.

[airwolf282]

Hi Jessie,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad right now. I can totally relate to finding it difficult to talk to others and to make friends. I have had the same problem. For me, the main cause of it is low self esteem. I have struggled with that for many many years and have started therapy for it so hopefully it will improve. Maybe you could look at that, I know the health system in the UK is lousy but it's worth a try. I'm sorry I don't have anything more useful for you but you can PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Take care,

Nathan xx

[riverx]

I'm not a veteran here, but a veteran of various types of recovery, so hope its ok for me to share here.
I feel great affinity to those who have difficulties making friends. Loneliness and alienation have followed me all the days of my life, except with brief intervals when somehow poeple were more drawn to me.

be patient with yourself, tbh, a lot of people arent sensitive enought to others who are isolated, and they dont reach out, so we have to do quite some hard work, yet, not over do it because then people back away if you come accross too intense and needy, so its a line to tread.

I'd be your friend if you lived round the corner....... but I doubt that - yer never know!

I also have that problem. I never talk to people at events.

My counselor suggested I start asking people to do things outside of the event (like go to coffee, go see a movie, etc.). Is the problem that you're not assertive enough, (cause that's my problem)? Maybe don't wait for them to make the first move. Try talking to people, starting up conversations, inviting people who seem nice to go get coffee or something. Anyway I know I'm not good at that but that's just what my counselor told me. :)

[Sigma]

I struggle with this too, but when I've been able to take the first move it's usually paid off... after going to a dance class for a year I suggested we go for a Xmas drink, then few months later suggested going for a drink after class to celebrate something or other - anyway, a couple of years on one of the other class members has become a good friend. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up, and feel free to take things slowly. Finding an excuse for coffee after Weightwatchers is a great start, perhaps give people a week's notice (How about next week we go for coffee after?) then have a break and after a bit suggest it again. I bet some of the other people who go are looking for friends as well

[~Grace~]

I too have this problem.
I haver my husband and children, but crave friends from outside the family circle. I do have friends at work, but ive been off work for 6months and have kind of lost touch with them for the time being.

My cpn suggested joining a small group, doing an activity that I enjoyed which you are doing with the photography. I guess just take things slowly and let it all happen as im sure it will. I wish you well xxxx

[shopgirl]

i could have written your message jessie.

like you i found it so much easier to make friends when i was younger (i'm 29 now). school and uni are the perfect opportunities so when i moved home to find most of my hometoiwn friends had moved away i ended up moping around the house.

my husband is very friendly and has tons of pals who he's really good at keeping in touch with. me, i hate phoning people. this summer i gave myself the task of inviting a girl i know to lunch which was fun and she wats to meet up next week which is good.

i've recently gotten in touch with an old friend which has been great and like you i hope to find friends at an evening class i'll be taking.
enjoy your photgraphy course.
P xoxo
PS i'm a WW too!

[pugdog]

I think you are doing several things right to try and find new friends. I dont have many friends either (i think its quite a common problem with people here) I have very very few close friends, and many of them are from RYL. The friends i have that are locally i met through clubs, groups, or through my church. Starting from weight watchers and your photography class should be a good way to meet people with common interests. If you have other interests or hobbies that you do, maybe you might consider finding a local club that focuses on those interests. maybe you could try voulenteer work somewhere? like at the park districts or schools. I am married also, and I encourage my wife to stay in touch with her friends, because i dont want her to feel lonely or that she's abandoned everything to be with me (even her old boyfriend i encourage her to stay in touch with.. but im safe, he's 400 miles away
Take care, I hope you find some good friends soon. I know how it feels to be lonely, its not fun.

-brian