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Triggering (SI/ED) - my bipolar2 diagnosis, meds, my hubby? help pls!
Hi all
sorry but i think this is going to be a longish post. so if you're tired or not well, don't read it. i'll understand.
I know i haven't been around in a while as my hubby doesnt really like me using a forum but I'm in a place where I really need to not feel alone and talk to people who have some clue what things are about. the only other person i talk to is my mother.
Last Friday my hubby finally came with me to my psychologist session, and she explained to him my situation basically - describing I have bipolar 2 and how it works and what the treatment and medication is for and what the point of therapy is and about a referral to an ED specialist coz i'm not doing well with my weight. (when i get depressed i don't eat - its an emotional thing not ana/mia).
He said he felt it made sense to him and could relate in terms of what he experiences with me. but i don't know how he feels about it. in general he's very nervous about my treatment (though still supportive) but the idea of my getting admitted at any time (which might be a future possibility either for weight or meds) totally freaks him out. i try my best to reassure him and say that just coz i'm getting treatment doesn't mean you're losing me it means you're getting a better me back. its difficult for us to talk about it. we're still at the beginning of trying to figure out how to handle this. well - he is.
I'm exhausted from trying to reassure and inform him as well as i can, function as well as i can in the meantime and try to sort out stuff with my psych every week all at the same time.
I have so many questions in my heart aI just feel confused and uncertain about where all this fits in the picture of my life.
on top of this, my husband has a problem with OCD. I always knew the traits were there, but now that we're married i'm discovering a lot more as we go along. what shocked me was when he admitted that the strange shapes (he only likes perfect squares and circles, for example) on the psych's tablecloth and odd number of stuff on the wall (he hates odd numbers) made him more anxious than the fact that he had to sit there and hear what the heck is wrong with his wife!
Its a bit of a shock to me. i'm not angry i'm just ...well...shocked. I don't know what to do with this. His' OCD doesn't inhibit his ability to function or work or anything like that, but the extent of it is more than i thought. And he thinks he's totally fine with it. (obviously he's a bit shy). I love him so much and he's a wonderful husband.
I just don't know what to do with all this. I'm on new meds, Lamotrigine/Lamictal mood stabilizer since last week, and its been a bumpy ride and a very insane week, very busy. As for side effects - is anyone else on this? i'd just like to know how you feel on it and stuff? just to soundboard please. i'm doing kind of okay i think..?
please help i just feel so alone and a little freaked out. sad, odd, numb, raw, tired and wired all at the same time.
ps-thanks to those of you who bothered to read this far!
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