A beautiful pyschotic mind.

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I just watched this movie 'A beautiful mind' for Russell about psychosis based on Joahn Nash's biography named 'A beautiful mind'.

I loved the movie.

I couldn't related that much.

I feel so fake cuz i don't have the same 'hallucinations'...

He had those full conversations with people who looked VERY HUMAN and TALKED in pure SENSE !

Cuz my peole are different, they look no way near human , they don't constantly look the same.

But i do get things were i know that they would only happen in the other world like living photographs,sharp lights,sharp voices,shadows,shapes,'melting' objects ,crying babies when there is no baby around,screaming "so much screaming :/ " that make no sense...

I don't have those full convorsations with my other world people like John Nash.

And,I feel so fake cuz of this.

It feel more like this song 'meds'..

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJQAYYZ8A4g[/ame]

Cuz they only last for some time before they fade and turn to be 'real'.

So I KNOW whats here and what belongs to the other world.

I'm sorry it's like i am posting this thread to get replies like 'you are ill , stop the bullshit'.I'm sorry please don't feel like i want to hear this .


I rarely mix so how can i be possibly ill ?

I can't.

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I previewed the thread 4+ times and read it a lot before posting.

I feel like i am a living joke.

Plz don't laugh =/

[LaurieR]

I have seen the film 6 times and every time it has made me cry...although it is not very realistic at all (Nash only heard voices if you read the original book) and is much dramatised, I still love it so much.

Sometimes I think I have a different reality which only belongs to me. Everything in this reality is of course real, but only to me. I can relate to what you are saying and it's not stupid, so please don't feel you are alone.

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No i haven't read the book :(

I saw the movie.I felt that it was 'dramatic' but even though,It must be same for others too where they experience the same things,and here i am finding myself comparig what i have and what they have.

I'm really really struggling to be honest :(

The other world images don't stop AT ALL and i mean like they just DON'T stop and i try so godamn hard to ignore and it's really difficult & making my life living hell.But with the voices,I don't hear then that much like once in a while very random scary/annoying voice.The ones i recognize are the ones that i make sure of like if i heard screaming 'in my head' I would turn back and make sure if anybody was there or ask other people if they heard something.

It's said that schizophranic often hear voices,I don't, i have images.

So godamn fake.

I feel like i have to log out & view the replies on the psychosis thread instead of being there online.People would laugh at me,they have all the right.I'm not ill and i don't deserve to call this psychosis.I don't believe i have psychosis,I believe i am different,but i only know this word to describe the other world.

And sometimes i feel ill.

But I'm not ill.

[LaurieR]

I totally understand what you are saying, everyone is different and even in the same person symptoms can vary from time to time. Personally I only hear voices and have never had visual hallucinations, but sometimes I compare my symptoms to those of others as well.

My current diagnosis lies in the domain of psychotic disorders but I am not proud of it at all. It's not that you don't 'deserve' to call your experiences psychotic, it's just that everyone has different symptoms. Psychosis basically refers to experiences that are not based in external reality, but who is there to judge what's real and what's not?

And also, people will not laugh at you, you have done nothing wrong.

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Not hearing enough voices makes me feel so fake & that i don't deserve help at all.

To be honest, and I am quite ashamed of myself to admit that,I feel jealous of people who hear voices often,I feel that voices is the thin line that makes a person ill or not.

In my case,I feel so stuck cuz i don't feel ill enough to get help.

And i don't feel 'normal' to fit in with others.

There is this secert that i have to hide all the time that i see 'things'...

And it is very consuming !

I feel so stuck on the cycle.Not here and not there.

And i don't feel anybody understands.

My fiance said to me "Roby you have six months to solve urself out"

lol

I had this for 13 years he can't just tell me to sort it out,how on earth can i do this?

And I've been on meds and it didn't help so i stopped...

I can't help myself heal cuz i am not ill

And i can't seem to be like any other person i know.

I feel so godamn alone.

So stuck.

I'm sorry for taking so much time, thanks a lot LaurieR for you time.


x x

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I' sorry if i don't make sense.

It's hard to orgnize my thinking.

[LaurieR]

Thank you for your honesty Plastic, not many people are honest like you.

Voices are just one of the symptoms of psychosis- do you know that you don't even 'have to' hear voices to be diagnosed psychotic? Delusions alone can contribute to a diagnosis of Delusional Disorder or even Schizophrenia, depending on how bizarre the delusions are.

Everybody deserves help, and that certainly includes you. It was not my place to comment on your fiance's behaviour but personally I don't think that 'sort yourself out' is the most sensible thing to say to you. It takes time, sometimes a very long time.

I often think that I am functioning to well to be psychotic and doubt my diagnosis- but at the end of the day a diagnosis doesn't really mean anything. Ill or not, sometimes it is extremely hard to tell. I just hope you can be content with yourself (I know it's easier said than done and sorry for being a hypocrite).

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Thanks again LaurieR for your understanding.

I know more than anybody else (i think) about pyschosis.I know loads.So hard to beleive it 'may' apply to me.

I am so terrified cuz of this 'label' i may get and cuz of this pressure i may add to the family.They certainly don't need a nother ill person in the family.My step-mum is currently treated for cancer :( and my bio mum died cuz of that.That left my family consumed.

I'll do anything to protect them from this time where they may need to take care of me.I don't need that.Cuz i am fine.I think i am functioning.Very hard to function but i am managing to get through the days.

[LaurieR]

I understand. It is very hard to think that what you know may relate to yourself! I am myself specialising in psychiatric medicine and find it very very ironic that I am 'ill' (by their definition).

Sorry to hear about your family. Please don't feel you are alone. Feel free to PM me any time :)

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Thanks a lot a lot a lot.

I have been trying to drag myself see a dr about it.See my family dr and see if he can refer me to somebody,and for the second week i found something that stopped me.This week was dad telling me " Come stright home mum at hospital".

it's easy to think that you're not ill enough. i think it's a way of making sure you're not accused of attention-seeking. but in the end, if your hallucinations disturb you, they're worth treating. comparing yourself to others really gets you nowhere.

and i thought i'd mention, the movie was way exaggerated to the truth. in the book john nash first suffered from paranoia and delusions with no voices/seeing things. then he slowly developed voices and not to my knowledge, ever the seeing things. so try not to rely too much on the movie.

[tamobhuuta]

*hugs* i just wanted to say, as for the psychosis thread, please don't feel bad about using it. look at me! i am minus voices, images and delusions (well, rpetty much) and i still post there. if anyhting, people are judging me, not you! it's honestly ok. whether or not you hear voices is no sensible defintion of psychosis, or 'seriousness'. everyone's experiences are differemt, and that doesn't make any of them less valid. if you could get yourself to the doctor to get some help, that would be really great. xxx