Triggering (SI/OD) - really struggling but trying so hard

airwolf282 · 03-08-2009, 11:01 AM

Hi,

I know I don't get to post or offer support here as often these days so I don't really expect anybody to reply. I started seeing a psychologist to try and work on my self esteem and self image issues as well as my anxiety. I have been struggling lately and really feeling like harming right now although I have so far made it to 6 weeks free. Last week my psych was talking about CBT and trying to change my thinking to help my self esteem and confidence which is virtually non existant. Anyway I have felt really low in the past few days and I haven't really had anyone to talk to. I couldn't see my counsellor because a tragic accident happened and a local girl was killed so he is very busy trying to offer to support to people that were close to her. (I just read about the incident in the paper this afternoon and was quite saddened by it, even though I didn't know her)

I totally support the fact that he is helping them because they are in far more need of support right now......it's just hard because I'm worried I'm going to self harm or OD again if my self esteem doesn't improve. I know that sounds selfish but right now I feel like I want to talk but nobody wants to listen.....of course I know my psych does but he is busy helping those who really need support right now. I just thought it might help if I posted instead of keeping it inside. I'm sorry for wasting space here, I know that I don't really deserve it.

Nathan

88shelz · 03-08-2009, 11:54 AM

everybody deserves suppport.
everyone needs to be supported at least once in their life.
so dont be putting yourself down and claiming your dont deserve it

off course others need support but that shouldnt mean you tell yourself that they deserve it more than you

you have said you are feeling suicidal and want to harm...if you cant get in touch with your psychologist get yourself to A&E to see someone from the mental health team there.

you dont need to do this alone, there are other people out there that can help.

please look after yorself and believe that you deserve help

Sigma · 03-08-2009, 01:29 PM

Hi Nathan - lots of hugs, hope posting it helps a bit, thinking of you... well done on getting help, hang on in there, this is only a temporary situation, though I know it's hard when you're in the middle of it all...

love & hugs

bleedingdragon · 06-08-2009, 07:50 PM

Nathan,
Its good to hear from you , sorry i didnt see your post till now,

Im sorry ive not been around much myself , i want to say to you the support you have given me is truly appreciated by me and has been very helpfull . I will never forget that mate , we may not talk on a regular basis but that does not change what you have given me nathan thank you for that .

me Knowing that there are good people out there and you know who you are people ,and i also mean (you to nathan ) who are supportive, friendly, non judgemental and accepting of me ,no matter how far away you live is truly comforting to me.

Listen nathan it doesnt matter how often you get the chance to post on here , please dont worry about feeling as though you dont deserve a reply. Everyone deserves to be listened to and supported, whenever i can i will allways listen to you and offer whatever support i can for you.

Thats great that youve started seing a psychologist (they seem to be non existant here i tried to see one but so far ive been refused, so well done mate for seing him. Im sure youve been struggling lately and i think you will struggle on and off for a while while you continue to work through your self esteem and self image issues thats part of the healing process. They are the same issues i am trying to work through too, Its really good that you ARE coming on here and venting your emotions and feelings and its understandable you still struggle with self harm right now.

Well done mate for not self harming for 6 weeks thats an incredible achievement.

Im sure the urge to self harm again is still very strong i know the urges and the feelings. I think the urges will allways be with us but when we have overcome them they will not be as strong and we will be able to control them .

Its great to hear that you have been offered CBT its a therapy that seems to be non existant here in uk im fight to get it or DBT dialectal behavioural therapy its like gold , so im glad to hear you are starting it. It takes some time before you do change your thinking, but keep at it mate .

Im sorry to hear youve been really low these last few days i know how you feel , im sorry that you havent had anyone to talk to that must be really hard for you.

It does sound difficult that your counsellor is tied up with supporting the family of the local girl, i understand you about feeling that her family is in more need of supporting than you . I gather nathan there are only a few counsellors available to support people which is why you are having to wait.

Is there any way you Can contact your counsellor if your really desperate , maybe he could at leats tell you if and when he has some free time while he is still counselling the young girls family, until of course he becomes fully free to continue working with you..

I hear you and your fears and worries of if your going to self harm again or OD again, as i said above if your really worried i hope you can at leats still ring your counsellor to talk briefly, or certainly please do go to try n get professional help if you do self harm or OD. I wish there were more health professionals available for you and me and everyone else. The uk is very bad in my experience with Mental Health support, i praise the NHS for what they have done for me but recently their mental health support has been shocking.

Mate it will allways help if you can post on here and vent or seek some support, i do understand that there will be times when you post and things seem to move slowly , no one is replying it happens its happened to me, but RYL is a big place .

Please do keep post nathan its important to you, wether you rant or post in vets or serious keep doing it when YOU need to. I often rant although not as much as i used to it doesnt solve all my issues but certainly gives me a space to vent out of my head some of my stuff.

Nathan you arnt wasting space by posting here no way

and YES you Do deserve to be listened to and supported.

i know im not on here regularly but please shout me and i will get back to you when i can if i havent already i can give you my email ady in a pm to you, admitedly i might not get back to u immediatly but will allways reply when i can.

Hang in there nathan

Dave