Yesterday morning I made a significant step, letting my flatmates know I need to talk with them this weekend, and felt confident and good about myself.
I need to take another step on from this - actually talk with my flatmates about my thoughts on moving.
Then yesterday evening I felt really ill - somatising stuff - a reaction to being assertive that I get, and panic, and withdrew and hid completely in my room.
This morning I feel 'crazed' and paranoid, can't bear strangers looking at me. I walked down the path by the motorway on the way to work, and had lots of bad thoughts.
I feel stuck, anxious, worried, frightened.
Can I please have some support to help me through work today, and to give me the confidence to face my flatmates this evening, or tomorrow evening? I'm scared I'm going to wither away and withdraw even further now. The paranoia and semi-dissociated type state worries me too.
*cuddles*
Well done for telling them you want to talk!
How are you feeling now?
You can do this, you are a strong incredible woman to have come so far and you are strong enough to face your flatmates.
I know its hard but you can get through this I am sure you have had times before where things have been really hard but you have survived it.
I believe you can do this.
Take care of yourself love
x
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
well done for taking such a great step. i can understand your reaction to it now, i think it's common to withdraw after putting yourself out there, although obviously when it's severe it's worrying for you. i hope being at work gives you some space and helps you to feel better so when you get back tonight you'll feel well enough to talk to your flatmates. i hope this feeling passes soon for you, it must make thinsg very diffivult. but you can copew ith this, you're doing really well :) *hugs*
Managed to talk with them just now. Went surprisingly smoothly. I feel a bit shaken up. They're talking now. About me I expect. Worries me. But - can't control that. Will put in my ear plugs when I go to bed.
I feel... much freer now. More 'my own person'.
Working intensely with dependency issues and ideas of independence and such in therapy. It's hard work.
I feel.. weird.
Tomorrow and tonight I can breathe more easily now.
But my body may react with a mind of it's own.
They didn't question me much. Just asked when I was planning on moving.
Leaving and moving flats can be a bit of a nightmare but it will be a ositive step to take. It can be hard because that room right now is everything you have and its hard to know where to start packing.
Hope you are ok.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
