Last year I graduated college. Because of the craptacular US economy I couldn't find a job...anywhere. I graduated in May '08 and finally took an unpaid internship in January '09 because I couldn't find anything. Well, that turned into a temporary job in March and finally ended on July 4. Now I'm stuck at home all day...again...because, shocker, I can't find a job. At all. Anywhere. So I'm living at home as I have been since graduation with my prison warden parents and I want to kill them. I don't know how I'm going to keep doing this. I need a job somewhere else, I need to move out, I need to go somewhere I have friends because I have none around here.
It wouldn't be so bad if my parents could just leave me alone. I'm 23, my life is my own and I don't need or want them trying to control it. My parents just don't get that I won't be confiding in them every and that I don't need to report every facet of my job search to them. They've been emotionally abusive since I was a kid, and they just don't get it. They think they never did a damn thing wrong and don't understand why I won't talk to them, even though I never have.
It's just so frustrating. I'm always moody, bored, frustrated, and ready to kill someone because I just can't deal with their crap.
I've been thinking about looking for my birthmother, but I don't want my parents involved...which they'd insist on being since they can't not control me and my life. I've also been thinking about going back to therapy because I'm aware that I have issues stemming from being adopted and the emotional abuse I've lived with since a young age...but once again I don't want my parents to know. I don't want them involved. They are incapable of staying the hell out of my life.
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
Sorry the job hunting is so hard, try to keep going - as you found with the internship if you can get yourself into places and known then that will pay off eventually. But I know it's hard to stay motivated in the meantime...
I don't know the system in the US, so I can't really comment on the therapy or finding your birth mother. I would guess you're too old to HAVE to involve them, but of course if you're living with them and have no money then it's difficult to do on your own. Try to take care of yourself in the meantime and believe that this won't last forever.
Just a thought - are there residential internships you could do for a bit? Or some sort of voluntary work that is residential? I don't know what interests you, but I think there are environmental and 'working with people' organisations that provide a stipend and accommodation if you volunteer for a period of time... it could give you a breathing space?
Just a thought - are there residential internships you could do for a bit? Or some sort of voluntary work that is residential? I don't know what interests you, but I think there are environmental and 'working with people' organisations that provide a stipend and accommodation if you volunteer for a period of time... it could give you a breathing space?
Not that I know of...I imagine if there are they're ridiculously hard to get into though.
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
Not necessarily... places here like Simon communities and L'Arche and Steiner communities take people all the time. And WOOFF (I think) for organic farms where you can go and work for your keep. Like I said, not a long term solution but perhaps a new experience and get away from parents while waiting for the economy to sort itself out...
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
My best friend has a degree in creative writing and somehow ended up being an ecology adviser in a small community in Oregon. If you do fancy going away for a few months and not burning bridges (plus they help pay off student debt if you have some!) could still be worth looking into :)
Americorps is not such a bad idea, if you are looking to get away for the time being. Many people in my graduate program I am in (for social work, not science) worked with them and loved it. There are therapy centers that offer a sliding scale fee, so if you can't afford to pay for expensive therapy, they are always an option. Finding a birth parent is a long, difficult process, which can be extremely emotionally straining, so if you are planning to undergo it, being in therapy at the same time is probably not a bad idea. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. (And finding a job right now is horrible, I can definitly sympathize with that)
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