Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - DID - new alter? :(

[bobbiwibble]

they're multiplying...... arghh >.<

is this possible?

i knew that lottie had her own system.. but i thought it was charlie.. it wasnt..

some new girl, she doesnt even have a name. she wants to be callled seffy. she thinks lottie is stupid
she seems kinda bitchy
i think she has red hair

i just dont know what to think. my brain is in pieces. i am physically in very bad shape at the moment as well - ive felt ill and drained all day and this has just made it worse

its not that i dont like her. i dont KNOW her. but if i accept her, what do i do in future? do i even have a choice? how many am i going to end up with??? :(

it used to make sense, too much sense!
me - 19.
charlie - 16. the first time *it* happened.
lara - 13. first real sexual abuse.
lottie - 9. first sexual *experience*

lottie and charlie have birthdays and obviously I do too... but lara doesnt.. whats going to happen with that? will she ever get any older? will lottie get older???? is that right? she's my 'inner child - there wouldnt be much point if she grew up would there'

i dont know i'm just worrying over nothing. i just cant stop thinking... i wish i could. i wish i could just switch off :'(

i used to be able to!!! even before i was just passing out. normal people can shut off their brain for a bit. but if i do that, i get dizzy and then i'm someone else

[Sometimes Crazy]

It all really depends on your own system(s). Some alters seem to age on a "sliding scale" so one day they could be 5 and the next day they could be 8. Some have birthdays. Some never age. And some alters come forward when they think it's a safe time to, or when for some reason they have to.

A big part in healing from anything, including DID and anything on the dissociative split spectrum, is to embrace the fact that these things have happened, that you are hurt, and that these different parts of you are indeed you and need to be looked after. Even angry, hostile parts need the love, care, reassurance and other emotional support that they didn't get.

Maybe leave a journal around for your alters to use, or have some way of communicating inside, like on a whiteboard or something. Sometimes seeing different handwriting to your own can be distressing, so perhaps an online journal could help?

Do you have a therapist or psych? They should be able to help you all as well.

*hugs* that must be really unsettling. But I think Euphoria Blossom is right. Accept it happened. And remember none of it is your fault. You are in no way crazy. You have developed something that has helped you survive. feel free to pm if you need to talk.