I'm engaged...and starting university.

xMandarrx · 23-07-2009, 05:34 AM

A couple months ago, my boyfriend proposed, and I accepted.
I couldn't be happier about being engaged to him, and even more than that, I'm so excited to marry him.
Less than a week after this, I was accepted to university, for their music program. It's one of the top three music programs in the country.
My fiance and I are going to do the whole long-distance thing for next year (we've already been doing this for most of our relationship - he lives an hour away, and in September, I'll be two hours away from him). I'm fine with doing this, because I really want the experience of living in residence, and he's supportive of that. He wants to work for a year and save some money before he goes off to college, hopefully in the same city that I'll be in (there's a college and a university).
I'm so excited about everything right now, and I couldn't be happier, but as far as things with my fiance go, there's just one issue -- my parents.
They haven't been supportive from the beginning, and my mom thinks I'm too young to be engaged, which bugs me so much, because it's really hypocritical. She was married at 18, and always talks about how if she were to do it all over again, she'd still get married at that age. I'm 19, and I'm engaged. My dad, on the other hand knows I'm engaged, too, or at least I think he does. We haven't talked about it, but I've been wearing the ring for two months, and both my siblings know. And my mom told him at the supper table that Corey was going to be his son-in-law. But he hasn't said anything at all about it to me.
Both my parents despise my fiance, and it's to a point where my fiance feels completely uncomfortable even coming over to my house to go swimming in the pool for a couple hours.
My dad likes cooking, and my fiance is seriously considering going into culinary/cooking as a career. He once asked my dad a question about cooking a duck, and my dad flipped on him, and said he was being a know it all, and that he didn't know what he was talking about at all. He says how that made him hate my fiance so much more, when really, it doesn't make sense, because my fiance just asked a simple question, because he was interested.
I'm going to university in September, and my fiance and I are torn between marrying during university, or waiting five years until I'm done. Financially, it's really difficult either way, because in university, I'll be struggling on my own, but after, it's probably even worse ... I'll be so stressed out about all my debt, and will still be completely unable to afford it.
I love my fiance, and I'm so excited for university, but I'm so stressed out about my parents hating him. My dad tells me all the time that I need to break up with him and "find a real man." It's ridiculous. ...but I can't really do much about it, because my parents are helping me financially for my first year of school.
This is a time of my life that I really should be enjoying. This should be the best time of my life, but I feel like my family is just tearing it apart by putting so much pressure on me over my relationship.
I don't know what to do!

xMandarrx · 23-07-2009, 05:37 AM

Sorry it's so long.

rockaroni · 23-07-2009, 08:40 PM

I don't see why waiting to get married is a problem in this situation, there's no rush. You're 19, that's still young. Uni changes people, you grow a lot. I've seen a hideous amount of couples go to uni [who've been together for years] then just break up. Not saying it will happen, it's just the possiblility. And if you did end up breaking up, it's much easier to do it whilst engaged than whilst married. Plus waiting to be financially stable is generally good all round.

Sorry, babbling now.

xMandarrx · 24-07-2009, 03:04 AM

Thanks.
It's not even the waiting to get married that's the problem. I know it'll happen if (and when, I guess) it's meant to happen.
It's more the family issues. It's to a point where I'm kind of starting to doubt myself when I'm at home -- but when I'm with Corey, there's no doubt at all. I want to be with him. But at home, around my parents, it's like, they tear it down so much that I start to question if any of this is right for me..

xMandarrx · 25-07-2009, 06:41 AM

Corey and I just broke up. I don't think I've ever hurt this much in my life.
I'm losing my fiance and my best friend.
I hate him for doing this to me.

Sigma · 25-07-2009, 12:28 PM

I'm sorry - what were his reasons?

xMandarrx · 25-07-2009, 03:41 PM

It wasn't him. He's been treating me like crap lately. It's like he thought that since we were engaged, it was okay to treat me that way. He thought I wouldn't leave him because there was a ring around my finger. He kept saying he would change, and he would, for a little while. Then it would just get worse.
So I told him that I can't do it anymore. And he went on about how he can change and how things will get better, but really, I don't believe it anymore.
I'm just ... sick of having my heart broken, you know?
I deserve so much better, and if he's not willing to make it better, fine. I'm not waiting forever.
All I asked from him was respect. And he wasn't willing to give it to me.
After the way he's treated me, I can't forgive him. And even if I eventually did, there's no way I would ever forget this. I don't think I could ever fully trust him again. And that's not a real relationship.

But it doesn't make it any easier. I definitely have done nothing but cry since last night. And I have to go to work today, so I have no idea how that's going to go.
Then I have to go give Corey some of his stuff back. Not going to be fun, but I think if I wait to do it, it's just going to prevent me from starting to heal from this.

Sigma · 25-07-2009, 05:38 PM

well done for looking after yourself - you deserve someone who values & respects you... horrible as it is in the short-term, if he doesn't value & respect you then you're better off without him. You obviously have a great future, you must have acheived a great deal already to get into the music programme. You will find someone who can love you as you deserve.

xMandarrx · 26-07-2009, 04:13 AM

Thank you.
I'm so excited to study music at university. And Corey never understood my love of music, which, looking back, shows that the relationship really was doomed from the start. Because no matter who the man is, music will always come first for me. He never got that.
And now, without him, I know that I can do what I really want with my life. If I wanted to, I could go for a Ph.D in music, and won't have to worry about what he thinks of it. I doubt that I will go for a Ph. D because it's not needed for the career I want. But without an unsupportive fiance, the option is there.

And like I said before (I think), as much as I love him, I need to love myself more. I'm stuck with myself forever ... I'm not guaranteed to be with any man forever.
That thought got me out of bed this morning.

Kahlia1981 · 26-07-2009, 07:18 AM

Just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you even though I don't really know you. As long as you are happy with your reaons for the break up that's all that matters. There is bound to be some pain but it will pass. Keep going with the music - it's great that you know what you want to do. And your thought about needing to love yourself before loving someone else is definitely true and a very mature way of dealing with this life. Sorry I'm rambling.

xMandarrx · 26-07-2009, 11:31 PM

Thank you. : )
My sister and I are dying our hair tonight to take my mind off the whole Corey situation. It's going to be loovvveeelyyy.

Kahlia1981 · 27-07-2009, 01:11 AM

I hope the hair dying works out well for you.

xMandarrx · 28-07-2009, 01:56 AM

It turned out quite well. I cut three inches off, and cut my bangs, too.

But then after ... I cried myself to sleep for the third night in a row. Then I had a dream about him. And woke up and cried more.
So basically, I still feel like a train wreck.
But at least the hair stuff was a temporary fix?

xMandarrx · 10-08-2009, 05:37 AM

I gave the ring back last night. : (

Dreaming. · 15-08-2009, 10:49 PM

Well done. It must be saddening, but it's a good step forward - a closure of sorts.

How are you feeling now? It must be difficult - but you've got such an exciting future to look forward to! :)

Douglass · 16-08-2009, 01:24 AM

I hope you are still doing ok.
Remember it is normal to be upset over a relationship ending, but always look to the future rather than being stuck in the past.

By the sounds of it with your uni course you have a great life ahead of you and whilst you are there you may meet someone who will share your passion for music and treat you right.

xMandarrx · 20-09-2009, 10:09 AM

I heard from Corey last night.
He told me he's still in love with me.

Meanwhile, I was sitting in my room at uni, pissed off that he was even trying.
I mean, I'm moving forward. He needs to let me. But more than that, I need to let myself.

I found a boy here at my university who I think I like...but I don't think he knows how I feel yet, which is good for now, because I'm not yet feeling ready for that sort of thing yet. Although we are going to hang out some night soon (as friends). He's in the same music program as I am, and plays the same instrument as me (TUBA!!!!!!). He has really dark brown hair with bright blue eyes. His name is Shane, and he has one of the sweetest personalities I have ever met...just really thoughtful and generous, and kind. I've only known him for two weeks, but I just have this feeling, you know? Like that he's a really honest guy, and I don't think he would ever mean to hurt anybody.
He's a really good guy. Like, does homework on a Saturday night because he wants good marks type of guy. When we talked earlier tonight, he was doing his calculus homework. He's in music, and is taking calculus as an elective course - now THAT takes brain power. : P
He's so enthusiastic about basically everything, and is always full of energy, and I've never seen him not smiling.
My rez is known as the major one for parties, and he lives on the music floor in a rez across campus. But he knows that mine has crazy parties, and that last night was the first real night for parties (first Friday night we were allowed to drink lol). He sent me a message this morning asking how I slept with all the parties. lol. : P
Even though I really like him, I don't want anything to happen between us really, at least not yet. Because I'm not completely over Corey, and Shane deserves so much better than to be a rebound boy ... if he even has feelings for me at all lol.

I guess what I'm getting at is, I think Shane could be really very good for me, even if just as a friend. : )

xMandarrx · 20-09-2009, 10:11 AM

I've also made a couple of really close friends here too.
Like Rebecca. We talked on facebook tonight (she's not in rez) for like, more than two hours.
And Neal. : )

Sigma · 22-09-2009, 07:24 PM

that's great! go for it, enjoy it, meet new people, make friends... let anything more happen in it's own time. I'm so glad you're having a good time!

xMandarrx · 28-09-2009, 05:37 AM

Corey called me again, basically saying again that he was still in love with me.
He also said that I have no reason to be hurt.

It turned into a big fight, and in the end, we decided to cut off all contact.