Triggering (SI) - Cant even trust my closest friends. . .

[Tia4tw]

So i found out, it wasn't a teacher who told my head of year about my SI-ing, it was my two best friends who i told repeatedly i didn't want the school to find out as a friend of mine had her life turned into hell when the school found out and it just made it worse but they told her and when i came to them, paranoid mroe so than usual, and freaking out and asked them if they thought i should take the councelling and they said yes i just feel betrayed and tricked into it and its made me feel even worse and i just cant trust them anymore as i can understand they were worried about me but they didn't tell me after that they told her, they kept goign alogn witht he 'it was a teacher who told the head of year' thign for a weak and saying that agreeing to do councelling was the right thing to do. SO i've been waiting to see either head of year or the councellign person to tell them i changed my mind because i dont like to be lied to or tricked into things.

My sisters wedding is in august and my cuts haven't healed yet so im nervous baout it because my mum will spot them and now that i broke my promise and i have started again adn she will tell my dad.

I just feel paranoid, nervous and like S*** and i just want to cut so badly but i know if i do it'll make me more nervous about the wedding.

[Lou Lou]

Hi, I know it can be disconcerting when people go behind your back, but I think what you really need to focus on is that your friends are trying to help you.

It can be very difficult for people who don't know how it feels to SI to get their head around the problem. It is difficult for people to watch their loved ones SI and more often than not they just want to make things better.
The fear of what you could do to yourself must be hard for your friends to carry.

I know that you told them not to, but really they did the right thing. Many people will just turn their back to SI because they percieve it to be attention seeking or something, but your friends have really taken this seriously and are looking out for you. That is something to be very grateful for.

I suggest you take the help that has been offered to you - don't reject it just becuase it was obtained by someone going behind your back. Counselling could really help you and it is even an opportunity to discuss how betrayed you feel.

Also I would suggest talking to your friends. There is no need to start an argument but at least ask them why they didn't tell you and why they did it in the first place. Perhaps if you hear their reasoning you might understand it a little better. Let them know how you feel about it but that you are also grateful for their care and concern. Be honest with them but give them a chance to explain their side xxx

[Tia4tw]

I see your point and i did, and one of my friends used to SI and my friend who never has said that i was worse than what my friend had been and i felt almost insulted in a way because they were suggesting i was goig to attempt suicide by cutting my wrists and i can bbarely touch the underside of my wrists with my fingers!

I do get your point though and i understand it must be hard for them i just dont understadn how im anywhere near as bad as my friend was.

[Lou Lou]

It's not always about severity or where you cut or how many times and things like that. It all comes down to your mental state. Perhaps your friends feel you are in more danger to yourself than your other friend was. But maybe you should ask your friends about that?

Either way, they are looking out for. Nothing more, nothing less.
I appreciate this is all very hard for you too, I am in no way trying to "side" with your friends or anything (just incase you thought I was) but I think it would be advisable to take the help and try and get yourself better. If you reject this, who knows how long it could be before you are able to get help again xxx