Triggering (SI) - Just in need of support

[Claire]

Well I had been going ok but I just have thoughts of cutting all the time, I know if I could just do it, just feel the pain I would feel so much better. I need a release to feel something. I want to scream, cry, kick and completely breakdown but I cant - My whole body is aching and Im just so tired now. I feel sick but I nede to keep going, I'm battling for custody of my children going through divorce, my Lupus is flaring up and not to sound too much like a complete winging old bitch Im just fed up of the daily reegime of tablets that keep me going - I guess it hit me when I sat there seeing my partner putting them all into my pill box for the week, this isnt what I want - a box of small coated tricks to keep me going I just want to be normal and to stop feeling like this - Im just so tired I want to sleep and I want to stop thinking of cutting, I havent done it for a year now and now the thoughts are there all the time again - Its just not fair
Anyway thanks for reading I guess I needed to get it out even if its all I do...........

[CrazyHayley]

Don't worry about sounding like a whinger, sometimes we just need to have a whine and get it all out. Its much better for you to post on here than for you to give into your thoughts. Well done for not giving in so far and for going a year free, thats an amazing achievement.

I have chronic health problems (physical disabilities and M.E) and too have a ridiculous amount of medications that I have just so that I'm able to have some form of life, so I understand where you're coming from on that point. I until very recently didn't want to go on anymore and I didn't have the added stresses of legal proceedings that are emotionally huge and draining. Perhaps you could go on the ranting/venting forum and just get it all out there? I know that with your lupus, you'd struggle to let out your emotions by doing a distraction idea thats too physical, but my therpaist suggested a good one (well it depends on your viewpoint I guess....) but smash a watermelon!! If not, try some of the stuff on the fun & distractions forum just to try and fill your mind with random nonsense rather than thoughts of cutting.

I really hope that you can fight the urges for a bit longer and stay safe. I hope that your partner is supoortive and can help support and comfort you through this difficult time. We're here for you too.

[wildly insane]

I just wanted to offer my support, I hope letting some of it out helped, and maybe if it did then you can carry on writing it down and we can carry on supporting you, you're definitely not a whinging bitch, and I hope that things go your way. I want to reiterate how amazing you've been to go for a year without cutting, I know the thoughts are there all the time, but you still have the choice, however hard it is, you've been so strong and I hope you find the strength to keep going. I hope your partner is supportive, take care, hugs, Hannah

[Sigma]

sounds like you have a lot to cope with - feel free to let it out, it's a shitty position to be in and completely OK to say that