It's driving me crazy that i'm not going to find out what is exactly wrong with me until 25th August. I think I have 3 thing, Bipolar Disorder, Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia. Even thought after 5 minutes of sitting with me, my doctor doesnt think I have Schizophrenia, thats not fair right? I'm sort of obsessing over what I may have, and its killing me. I obsess alot. I'm bad at that. I just read things, and I can totally see them in me.
People don't understand what I may have, if they we're liam, they'd see. I feel hopeless and sort of lost. The doctor I have is awful, she says I dont want to help myself, can i not go back to her? I'm very sensitive about my depression as it is, and she makes me feel worse.
Also, i'm trying to cover up how much im struggling at the moment, to everyone and make everyone seem I'm getting better and thats making me feel worse, but people are sick of me being depressed and sick of me crying so much. I can't help it. I really can't. I'm in tears now, because i can't seem to win, with anything. Help.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
Wanted to state some facts of why I think i am those things:
(TOOK FROM THE BBC)
Personality Disorder, I have these following things:
1) Paranoid, where you are suspicious of other people, sensitive to rejection and have a tendency to hold grudges.
2) Borderline or emotionally unstable: where you do things without thinking and find it hard to control your emotions. You may feel empty inside or so bad about yourself you self-harm. Although you make relationships quickly, you can easily lose them. You can also feel paranoid ordepressed and may hear noises or voices.
3) Antisocial: where you don't care about other people’s feelings, get easily frustrated and aggressive.
4) Obsessive-compulsive: where you are perfectionist, worrying about the detail in everything. You are cautious and find it hard to make decisions. You have high moral standards, worrying about doing the wrong thing and judging other people. You are sensitive to criticism and may have obsessional thoughts and behaviours.
5) Avoidant: where you are very anxious and tense, worrying about insecurities. You feel inferior to others and want to be accepted. You are sensitive to criticism.
6) Dependent: where you rely on others to make decisions for you and do what others want you to do. You find it hard to cope with daily tasks, feeling hopeless and incompetent and easily feel abandoned by others.
Bipolar: I can have months of happiness and i mean REAL happiness and then months of Depression and not just the odd cry, REALLY bad depression where I want to die every single day and i give up completely. I can have months were i dislike sex, but months were i LOVE it.
Schizophrenia: The obvious. I see things. More then i hear things. Voices, people.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
I mean, I cant take baths anymore and i hate going to the toliet. I hate being in the dark. Its all for STUPID reasons, but im so anxious and scared, i cant.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
I don't think it's good to self diagnose. I think you should find another doctor if you don't like the one you're seeing. If you don't agree with their diagnosis, get a second opinion.
Mental health illnesses are extremely complex, so many doctors are wary on diagnosing, however, it is just a label, for them to help you better and understand what's going on.
what treatment would you like? i think this is more important than diagnosis. you see, like sarey said, mental health is so complex that not all of us fit into a distinct category. i have BPD, but also a lot of other mental health problems, they can't all be categorised, because we're all, as people, complex. almost everyone has some trait/symptom or other.
if you have had a very traumatic past, it's possible to see and hear things as a result of this, as traumatic stress. sometimes it's the brain's way of processing things, though it can be very scary and best sorted through in therapy.
i would recommend that you see a doctor you like and ask for an assessment, but don't necessarily expect a diagnosis.
think of things you'd want to change in your life and work on getting help with those, in the main.
Whirl, all i ever wanted was help. Just to get better. Yes, i have had a traumatic past. I also just want to be able to sleep peacefully, have a bath, go the toliet properly, walk past windows/mirrors in the dark and be in the dark.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
you don't need a diagnosis to do this. i know it feels like you do. have you asked for the help you want recently? have they suggested any treatment to you?
i know it's frustrating. i spent five years in mental health services before i was told my diagnosis. even then, i had some misdiagnoses - schizophrenia, delusional disorder which i was told about, probably others that i wasn't. it's really hard to be told you have something as scary as schiz., to come to terms with it and then have people tell you you don't!
They've give me fluexotine and have reffered me to the Early Intervention Team - who i am seeing 25th August. I don't want a diagnosis for the above things, but they are cracking me up.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
i can understand that, they sound miserable and scary. i'm glad they've referred you to early intervention, where you should have lots of support, possibly including a CPN, support worker, psychiatrist and most importantly, hopefully, a psychologist. i really hope they can help.
I know how it feels to just want to know whats wrong with you.
I wonder it about myself all the time.
When you think about it though, a diagnosis is just a label. Sometimes the psychological things we struggle with dont fit in a certain disorder. Everybody is unique, and the psychological problems we deal with may or may not be able to be catagorized.
However, if you don't like your doctor, you can always find a new one (if there is one available).
I agree with whirlpools. Its not the diagnosis, its the treatment that we should all be caring about. What can we do to feel better? Whether it be meds\therapy\whatever.
Its great you are getting to see the early intervention team, i hope they give you all the support and help you are looking for
xo
"They say time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
I can't really think of anything better to write, other than if they give you a label which you don't have, then you will get treatment for a disorder you possibly don't have, and you'll never ever feel any better. If I had a stomach ulcer and they gave me the treatment for a headache, it wouldn't cure my stomach ulcer!
Better focusing on how you want to get better, than trying to define yourself by a label. Labels are horrible things anyway, you might think you want them now, but you really don't want to face a life of being nothing more than another MH statistic.
