Triggering (SI/ED) - Scared of desperation. *triggering suicide*

[moonlet]

I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't know if it's because I want help, or if I just need to tell someone. I'm still in the hospital and my room mate is so skinny and she eats and eats and eats here and never gains a pound. She told me she used to do cocaine which makes you lose weight really bad. Which I know, because I've seen people who do it. I'm in a place where I want to lose so much weight that I want to do cocaine. I've never done any hard drugs, just marijuana, because I don't know anybody in my city since I'm so reclusive. But.... here in the hospital is a mixture of suicidal people and addicts.. So I'm close to asking somebody here how I can get some. I KNOW what a bad and dangerous idea this is but I'm so desperate. Like I said I don't know why I'm posting this and I'll probably end up deleting it. I'm just so desperate..

[rockaroni]

Cocaine would be such an unbelievably bad idea. It's horribly addictive, cut with all sorts of crap, really expensive and you can end up losing a lot (possibly part of your nose). I'd assume it surpresses your appetite, but that's just not a healthy way to lose weight.

If you need to lose the weight, maybe try talking to a doctor and ask about diet alterations and exercise. You won't lose it as quickly, but you'll be more likely to keep it off if it's healthy for you to do so. I think talking to someone about this is a good idea though.

[hhc_lover]

I'm a former addict. Coke was my drug. And I lost a TON of weight! But, if you could see a pic from then compared to one now, you wouldn't believe how unbelieveably unhealthy I used to look.

I got pregnant by my coke dealer. We had a pretty close relationship, so I was very much mixed up in the business.

Do you want to know what coke is? It's not pure. It's mixed with all kinds of things like baking soda, crushed up tylenol, powdered health store drink mixes (like that stuff thats supposed to build muscle), etc. And those are the, for lack of a better term, healthier additives!

I used to sit there watching them add these things to the pure stuff.

You dont want to do it. You wont sleep. It'll ruin you. You'll look unhealthy. You'll be massively damaging your body. You will really get nose bleeds. And you will be a permanent addict. It's been a year and I still crave it!

I ended up more depressed while I was doing it.

Also, I blame coke for my babys birth defect. She was born with an extra pinky toe, which is adorable. I mean, I quit because I got pregnant, and it made me sick, but that 1st month, I did do it, so I now wonder if that toe is my fault or not, although an extra toe isnt too big of a deal.

You dont want anything that happened to me to happen to you. Its because of coke I got pregnant, and although my daughter is my world and I wouldnt change it for a minute, I wish I got pregnant with her for another reason.

[88shelz]

speak to the staff in the hospital. they are there to offer help and support.
i have often though about using drugs but deep down i know that its a bad idea.

think over the negatives and positives - there are far too many negatives with severe consequence than positives.