ranting

[rach2289]

It has been a long time since i have been on RYL but i need some where to write since i have started to hold every thing in again, it will be one year SI free on septmber 7th but its been hard lately i haven't been sleeping well things just feel so out of control right now. the thought of perfection has consumed me agian and it scares me because that is what started my problem with SI and ED in the first place. this world is to competitive, everyone has been telling be i havent been acting like myself "what happend to that girl i knew back in highschool" "what happend to that hard working girl i hired" what they dont get is that I WAS SICK that wasn't who i was it was my sickness that made me think that i had to be perfect i wasnt perfect they didnt see what i would do to my self when i failed, or when they were disappointed in me i was slowly killing myself. but with people saying things like this it is tricking me into thinking that i was a better person then, and the sad thing is that most of them know what i have gone through over the last seven or eight years it has been. apart of my recovery was opening up to my friends and family what i have been through any they understood and incourged me to keep fighting but it is that 1% that dont understand ahhhhh

sorry it turn into a rant but i just had to get it out

[TinkerDebs]

*hugs*
sounds pretty tough hun
you have done well to come this far with your reocvery and it would be such a waste of good effort to throw it al; away and let the sickness consume you all over again
just because people really only know you as the sickness and not as you - it will take time for them to reajust to the fact that actually this is you and that up till now they've only know the illness
but they will realise this in time
please dont throw away what you have achieved
you've done so well

[Gone.]

Maybe you could try talking to your friends and family about how you are feeling at the moment? You sound like youre experiencing a really difficult time at the moment, and please try not to go back to how you were. You are perfect as you are, you dont need to try and be any more perfect. As long as you are trying your hardest then there is nothing more anybody can ask from you.

Its good that you can write on here, that should let some feelings out. Do you think you could try talking again- if talking was part of recovery last time?

Feel free to PM if you need.
Take Care.
Shinee.x