im new on here and i was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I have always had a very happy family life, my mum has always worked in one way or another, for example she ran a carehome from the bottom floor of my house for about 8 years.
About 5 years ago my mum and dad bought a large carehome, and my mum now runs it. My dad runs his own business too.
The problem is, my mum has become so so odd over the past six months, and having done a little bit of research it is quite clear she is having a midlife crisis, which is made worse by the menopause. She has become self centred, obessed with how she looks, completely uninterested in my dad or me (to the point she gets home from work at 6.30 and will go to bed at 7.30 ( she won't sleep btw.)) she talks constantly about, so and so told her she looks nice, so and so said they wish she was their mum, this man said i hope your husband knows how nice you look, blah blah blah.
She has always been cherished as a mum and as a wife, but she seems hell bent on thinking of noone but herself and she is really upsetting my dad, who just feels like every, oh he said im attractive, or how lovely is that man over and over again, is chipping away at him. He is getting angry and the whole thing is spiralling.
I live 3 hours away, and am becoming less and less inclined to go home because I find her so incredibly difficult to live with now, but i feel guilty because my dad is left to cope with her. She is completely irrational, if i put any of this to her (which ive tried) her eyes glaze over, and she makes "uh huh" noises sporadically to appear as though she is listening.
I just don't know how to make any of this more manageable for us. I want to go back to my home, with my partner and just live my life, happily, but i know i ought to come home often to support my dad because he has to deal with it day in day out. eugh?!
I was wondering if anyone had any advice, or a similar experiecne? I want her to see a psychiatrist because she is clearly mentally unstable because she has never behaved this was before. how do i go about getting her to see someone, and for her to tell the whole truth about everything? i don't think she knows that she is tearing our family apart...
im sorry this was so long, i just needed to get it all out
I'm not really sure I have any advice, but if I was to put myself in your shoes I would have a real heart to heart with your mum.
Sit her down and tell her you need to have a chat and it's important and that all you want is just a bit of her time and for her just to listen and tell her exactly how she is making you and your dad feel.
If she still won't listen, perhaps write her a letter.
If she listens, ask her if she would like some help and offer to find her some help... Just let her know you are there for her and things.
I don't really know what else to say, sorry. I have read though and I understand how frustrating it must be for you and your family.
I hope you find a way to get through to her.
Take care of yourself. =]
~Beauty without intellence, is a materpiece painted on a napkin.~
..hrm.. i kind of had this thing with my dad a bit. my mom got quite irrational though and yelled at him all the time.. and eventually it stopped but i wouldnt suggest the yelling... it was worse than not talking i think.
... to be honest, i agree with Wonderful. Sounds like a really big heart to heart is needed. maybe write her a letter and sit there as she reads it. be empathetic yet firm. suggest to her that talking things out to a professional (or you, to start) could be really helpful. it sounds like she is having a rough time if she feels the need to behave this way. she is also hurting you and your dad though! and you guys dont deserve that. let her know that you care about her, are there for her.. that shes a great mom etc etc... she sounds like she could use some self esteem as well as a good talking to.
i hope everything works out
xo
"They say time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
Hey - just a couple of thoughts. I agree that it is important to try and communicate w/ your mom and let her know how you feel. But when you do just remember that we can't force others to change. Hopefully she would respond well to your advise, but it sounds like you've already tried to let her know what you're seeing and she hasn't wanted to hear it. All I know is if she is still not responsive, then keep in mind you have done your part by sharing your concerns. I'm not saying give up on her, just be aware that we can't change other people. We can only change the things within our control. I think if it is hard for you to be around her and you want to be there for your dad (which supports her, too), maybe see if your dad is willing to meet you elsewhere - a park, diner, museum or something so you guys can talk and give him a chance to unwind.
I was merely a prune In a box of raisins Dried and shriveled Like all the rest. . . . .
thank you all. I don't know what to do really, she's so unresponsive and difficult. im sure it all got something to do with loosing her sister a little while ago, but she thinks everything is great and she's taking control of her life and is being this amazing, independent, business woman. in reality she is just being selfish and alienating her family. surely there is a mid way ground?!
i will try and talk to her again, if not, i think i'm just going to have to leanr to live with my new mum and hope she decides something is up.
xxxxx
hi and welcome!
just a random thing here, is she on any medication for the menopause? my moms always been/had erm how to put it nicely, a screw loose? but when she hit menopause, and started HRT she turned into some even more irrational selfish crazy person. shes super sensitive to good or bad things, flips from nice to pure evil in the drop of a hat! and doesnt hear what your actually saying to her, eg, once i said the one thing i liked about not having any pets was that my clothes werent covered in hair all the time! she heard, i hate animals, and never want to come home!
i cant say anything to her about her behaviour because she hears it all wrong. she makes life pure misserable for me and my sister and we've given up trying to make the relationship better! so i hope it doesnt get to that stage with you and yours.
anyways all that babble really just to say is she on HRT or anything? because when my mom went off it for a month, she was back to the crazy we all love. then she went back on it. and she's got worse since losing her dad.
so i can relate, and i'm so sorry!
xxx
i'm sorry this is happening. i'd definitely try and get her to a professional, but if she won't, she won't. like others have said, you may have to back off a little. who knows, maybe she'll ask why you have backed off seeing her and you can be honest and tell her she's changed. so try and talk to her, but if not, just take as many breaks from her as you can to keep your own mental stability.
