Triggering (SI) - Strong urges

[smile5]

I had gone a few months without self-harming until this week, where Ive done it a few times, worse than normal. I feel totally addicted to it, the feeling it gave me, such a release. I am a bit worried that the worse it is the bigger release it gives me. Im constantly craving it, I keep working out where I can find the time to self-harm, when no one is around. Even find myself changing plans so I can fit it in. I feel the need to do damage. Its just a bit worrying. There just seems to be so much going on and I cant deal with it. I just dont understand why I feel the need to self-harm so much and worse than the last time.

[TinkerDebs]

as you become mroe addicted to cutting - things get worse where you push up you tolerances - to begin with you dont need alot to make you feel better but over time it takes more and more as you become used to minor self harm and need more to make you feel better
ithink its all do to with the endorphines realeased in your brain - and when you become addicted you need more and mroe pain to trigger that endorphine drive
do you have someone you can talk to so that you can route out the source of the troubles to minimise the amount you will be triggered into cutting - and therefore reduce your need for cutting??
stay strong and feel free to PM me if you need to talk to someone

[mesmerized.]

Hey,

Sorry things are hard for you just now. I think most of us can relate to that. Like TinkerDebs said, it's normal for you to need more and more after you've been self-harming for a while. It does become really addictive, and it does start controlling everything else in your life. For me, I stopped for 7 or 8 months, and when I started again, it was much, much worse than before. I think it can be that way, sometimes. But you can get through it, and find ways to stop, or to bring it under control (I've been free for over a year, it is possible!).

Going for a few months without it was really good - you should be so proud of yourself for that. It should also tell you that you're totally capable of stopping, and you can do it again if you choose to. What helped during those few months? Do you think you could continue trying to use other ways to cope with what you're feeling, other than self-harm? It takes a while, and for most of us many, many slips, but eventually it becomes second nature to use 'healthy' ways of coping. Do you know what triggered you to hurt yourself this week? If you do, then talking about the reasons behind it can really help. Maybe try with someone in your life, or we're all here if you want to talk.

If you are going to be self-harming, then please be as safe as you can. Make sure you take care of your wounds, get them seen to if needed. Maybe try to set yourself some limits, if you can. Easier said than done. But just take care of yourself, be safe. I'm here if you need someone xo

[smile5]

in those couple of months I actually thought I could go without self-harm. I was trying many things to not self-harm, exercise (anything that would burn some energy), I spoke to people (basically just told them I kept wanting a release). I was doing really well and keeping positive, maybe too much and covering over all the crap I was feeling underneath. I found that nothing gave me the same release as self-harm. I did tell plenty of people I wanted a release and that nothing was giving me it, but no one had any suggestions. I also find that I cover up how Im really feeling really easily. People tell me they think Ive been really happy and cheerful, when really Im quite the opposite.

[smile5]

I gave in today, but it just doesnt feel enough. I feel like I want to self-harm again. I know i shouldnt, but i feel crap. dont know what to do