Plan number two: I can do and will probabaly fail and end up blind.
Both involve me going somewhere because boyfriend doesnt want me to try in his house.
Im just to confused with thoughts, voices, depression and i cant see another way out of this mess. If i took meds, i would still have a lot of "psychosocial" problems, so yeah. Im screwed.
Hun you need to be strong and tell someone about this. Even if you don't think your plans are going to work it sounds like youre not doing well and need some help to keep you safe. (Random as well but I'm actually blind and you don't want that, blind and psychosis is not good) Can you call your cpn? If your boyfriend doesn't want you to do anything in his house could you try staying there?
Hugs, please take care of yourself
Its horrible when things are bad and people are on holiday *hug* In the day time when he's at work, could you visit any friends or just be around people? I would definitely phone your crisis team, they should be able to give you some support while your cpn's away and don't be afraid to go to a&e if you need to, thats what they're there for.
Keep yourself distracted and keep safe
xxx
i think i might have to. The thing tahts putting me off doing plan number two is that ive been feeling really sick so i dont think id be able to do it.
I just dont want to go in hospital again. I cant see how any of my problems are going to get better :/
i dont trust myself, im going to just do it soon and it scares me. but i really want this??
I understand how it feels to not be able to see a way out, and to feel that there's no hope. But that's not the case. Not until you've tried every combination of medication and therapy out there, every alternative therapy, every experimental treatment, can you say you've got no hope. Mental illnesses are treatable. That's not to say it will go away, but you can get to a point where you can live a happy life despite it.
You might want this today. But one day you will look back and be thankful that you lived.
s a r a h
* pm me * eating disorders info *
"Between two worlds life hovers like a star,
twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge."
- Lord Byron
At the end of the day, if you're feeling that low, then you're not in a fit state to think about it rationally. You need somebody to look after you. Get help.
s a r a h
* pm me * eating disorders info *
"Between two worlds life hovers like a star,
twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge."
- Lord Byron
I will ring steve( support worker) tomorrow when hes off back from holiday, and tell him. I didnt want to go in hospital but reconsidered because maybe i will get more help while im in.
I just feel really unsafe. I think i want more help which is why id do plan number two, rather than plan one which would pretty much work in two seconds. i have just mixed the two.
I will call steve tomorrow morning, or text him now and he can ring me tomorrow. I have no idea. I am just so lost and feel so low.
I dont know.
I will tell you all what he says, or what is going to happen.
In fact i will text him now and he will ring me tomorrow morning i think.
Steve didnt ring/text back but michelle my cpn rang and said she will come on wednesday, so he probabaly told her. I will see steve . I was tempted to tell michelle i was busy but i didnt see the point really.
ami.
i told you already.
wednesday
i will text you.
if you dont reply
i will ring you
if you dont answer
i will come find you.
i'm not going to let you die because i care about you.
i know things must be tough. i know you want out. i do. i reckon a hell of a lot of us here also do.
but nobody wants each other to die. i do not want you to die.
and like rebecca said.
we'll come see you.
we'll go do something?
anything.
i know life is utterly ****.
but you have to keep going cos theres a chance it MIGHT not always be that way and you HAVE to try and keep going to see if it does work out.
''per aspera ad astra''
''to the stars through difficulties.'' : )
keep going.
