hi everyone,
hope you are all doing great and staying safe.
so, i've got an interesting, but very exciting, situation for you guys, and i would appreciate your advice. this might be a little confusing, but please bear with me...i've got this new boyfriend. we have been friends for almost 2 years now, and just recently we started going out. over the past week, my mom has been on vacation and is totally oblivious to what is going on, so she has no idea that we have been hanging out, let alone, dating. but this is where the problem arises, over those 2 years that my boyfriend and i were friends, his older brother repeatedly sexually assaulted me (his brother now lives in a different state). for the last few weeks, there has been a lot of flirting going on with me and my boyfriend (or at that point, soon to be boyfriend), and my parents suspected that we would end up together. they have voiced their displeasure regarding this (i.e. telling my counselor, family members, friends, ect). so, this is the problem, my parents believe that my boyfriend will follow in his brother's footsteps, and end up doing something bad to me. my parents have basically kicked and screamed about this whole situation. they haven't even taken the time to get to know him. they are writing him off due to his brother! but this guy is the greatest thing to happen to me. when he first asked me out, he made conditions (i.e. no cutting, no bulimia), and just thinking about that makes me want to change everything i've ever done bad. what i wounldn't give to get rid of these scars on my arms, just for him!
so you ask why this is an exciting situation (referring towards the beginning of my post)? i think that being together with this guy is a sign that i am ready to move on with my life, and not live in the past anymore. it's a great (and my counselor agrees with me) that i am not intimidated by every guy that i come in contact with, and that i am willing to let my boyfriend inside, and see this different side of me. and probably the most exciting thing about this, is that this is the first relationship i have been since everything that happened between me and his brother. which scares me, but i'm excited to put everything in the past and just move on!
but now i'm totally confused...how can i convince my parents that my boyfriend is not bad like they make him out to be? am i making a bad choice by being with this guy? or are my parents being ignorant?
thanks for reading! sorry if it's a little confusing!
lisa
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?
Heya Lisa,
Yeh thats a confusing story! Im sorry about your abuse from your boyfriends brother, that must have been awful. But it sounds like you are moving on, which is good.
It sounds like you trust your boyfriend alot and its definatly good that he has made you reassess your life and want to move on. However the conditions he made may be a little harsh if those things are problems with you because self-harming behaviour often doesnt just go away (as im sure you know!)- however you seem happy so thats the main thing. Although, he has to be aware that maybe sometimes you might not be ok.
It sounds like you parents have a right to be a little bit cautious after what happened with his brother, they are just worried for you and trying in their own way to protect you. If you are seriuos about this guy then it will probably take time for your parents to relax, so my advice would be to take it slow and show them that hes a good guy and a guy you want to be with, which means you have to be 100% sure you want to be with him. Thres always doubt in every relationship, however due to the circumstances they may be more you have to conquer before you are sure about anything.
I hope things work out and I'm always here if you want to talk. Good luck and well done for moving on with your life x
I agree wtih everything red princess said,
But yeah, just stick with it, maybe after a couple of months they'll see how happy you are and calm down a bit,
Also I think you should have a talk with him about the no SI/bulimia thing because its not that easy to give up, as he probably thinks. My boyfriend does the same to me, but its still not enough to stop me sometimes.
Anyway, its good you found someone after what you've been through and I hope it goes well for you =]
xxx
i would actually show your parents this!(even if you copy and paste it to word and make it should like youre not talking to other people,im not sure if they know youre on ryl) anyway....maybe they will see that they are being unfair and that they cant decide that he is no good based on his brother. im really really happy for you!take care.xx
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
thanks guys for your replies! you all have got me thinking a lot about this....
i also think that you guys are right about the whole conditions that my boyfriend put on me. i guess we'll be having a little talk about that!
it's kinda a hard situation i am in, because i want to please my parents, but i also want to be in this relationship.
hehe....i see that in my heading for this post i put "tigger" instead of "trigger"...now, you all see how upset i am about all of this!
lisa
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?
maybe tell you're bf that you've been abused before and that you're parents are worried you're rushing into things? i dont really know. i just hope that you can work things out soon *hugs* good luck! feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk.
x
