Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - how stupid could i be?!

[bright.side.of.life]

no flashabcks or nightmares for 4days.
i was so happy. i thought it might be over, that that was it.
how could i have been so stupid, to think something like this would just go away in 4 days.
i just wanted to bury it again, it was happy when buried, i was happy.
its always something so pathetic that triggers it too, like i have sore muscles atm from working out and the pain/soreness of moving coz of it has made me flashback. how stupid?! im not gonna stop workingt out, so does that mean this wont go away until i do? i wont give up something i enjoy because of him. i cant let him win lilke that.
what can i do? im running out of ideas...

i cant believe i was stupid enough to think i had gotton over this.
i want to get over this. i cant deal with that right now. i have way more important things like the exams that determine my life next week. this need dto be buried again. i just want it to go away. it catches me by suprise and scares me so much when it does, i cant keep going through it again and again. its over. i keep telling myself its over but it feels like everytime i flashback or have a nightmare im reliving it again and again. like he wont ever leave me alone.

im sorry this feels so pathetic writing it so it must sound so stupid to read... im just feeling a bit stressed and frustrated and hopeless at the moment.

any advice? besides seeing a pro? lol.

please, help it stop.

X row X

[delete account]

*hugs*. I can't offer any proper advice, but maybe stay here and talk to some people for a bit, it might do you good =\ and in the long run, you'll be able to get advice <3 xxxx

[bright.side.of.life]

yer, thanks. my internet is down at home atm so i cant get online to talk to people so my support netwrok is looking a lil on the thin side. im at college now but ive got to go to work soon.

[bobbiwibble]

I'm on and off here too if you need me :)

you cant expect too much from yourself... 4 days flashback free is amazing *wistful*

next time, try and do 5 days :) build it up until you can go weeks without thinking about it

[bright.side.of.life]

well i wasnt really thinking about it, thats why it threw me so much, coz it just appeared in front of my eyes and shocked me with the pain. its so confusing. i just want this to go back to being buried :(

i got kicked in the head at work today too (im a gymnastics coach) which didnt help, that was after the flashback so it just brought a load of emotion and everyone thought i was over reacting from the injury but it just freaked me out, the violence/pain. im scared.