MODS Please move to other forum if appropriate
Hiya all
Things haven't been too good at the moment and i am literally losing all the support from various agencies and my benefits and I am at my wits at what to do with it all.
I got turned down for PIP, I am waiting to see if I can still get my ESA, I have lost my bus pass as no longer have it due to the cuts. I recently had an assessment with a social worker about getting a health budget and because I am under the community learning disability/difficulty team I am no longer eligible for their service. I am applying for jobs week in week out and getting interviews every single week yet, I am not getting anywhere.
Socially, I have given up on the art group and mental health social club, simply because it wasn't working out for me and i would end up feeling so depressed and anxious going that it didn't seem worth my time and effort.
My open university degree is coming on really well at the moment, I am just waiting to start my 4th and 5th module, however my parents have reservations about this as they believe I am going to a job after it and now that's making me wonder whether I should just give up, why £2k a year for hobby? But then I think to myself, I half way through the degree only three modules till i am finished and that's me done.
My weight is increasing quite rapidly as due to due stress of coping with daily life I cannot stop comfort eating and it's become a rather destructive self-injurious behaviour.
everything is no longer enjoyable for me, I no longer want to wake up and face the outside world.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Hiya, sorry you didn't get any replies to this sooner and that things are really difficult at the moment.
Have you been working with the jobcentre in your search for work? Hopefully they'll be able to offer some support with application and interview prep.
Do you enjoy your degree? It sounds like you're nearly finished it and unless you are really hating it or completely cannot afford it, it seems a shame to drop out now.
I hope you hear soon whether or not you're eligible for ESA and if you've successfully got your health budget.
Good news, I have recently found out that I now qualify for a bus pass and was sent a new bus pass on Friday morning :)My parents have completed another PIP assessment form and now waiting to hear from them on the outcome.
Had a really crap moment at the adult coloring group as yet again as i felt left out that nobody wanted to talk to me apart from two ex-clients of mine who cannot stand and absolutely hate. This group is supposed to be for adults with moderate to severe mental health needs only!
I give up on the making friends situation, i think I will stick to my online communities of people.
I have absolutely no dealings with jobcentre as I am technically off sick with depression, anxiety and claiming ESA and only looking for jobs on a weekly basis for a few hours. I would do it more, however I was extremely stressed and I simply couldn't cope with every single rejection landing in my inbox
Last edited by yoyogirl : 17-10-2016 at 11:06 AM.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
That's great news about the bus pass; I hope being able to get around helps you feel more independent and able to get out and try new things.
Sorry you felt left out at the colouring group. What made you feel as though nobody wanted to talk to you? Often people can be shy about talking to people they don't know, but it doesn't mean they wouldn't like to!
Oh, so do you currently have a job that you are off sick from (sorry if that's a silly question, I'm not quite following!).
it's just every time i go this place I feel ignored, there's a load of people there, majority of them I cannot stand the sight of and i really want to get to know the other people who like however I am ignored like i don't exist in the building. The people i cannot stand, i obviously never in a million years ever speak to even if it was the last thing on this earth. In the end, I end up just walking out and heading off to the nearest coffee shop/library and sitting alone with a good book or heading home to my place of safety and having a natter online or carrying on with my open university degree. then i end up wondering why the hell, did i put myself through that rejection when I am already getting rejection after rejection every single day from jobs.
I am even wondering whether it's best for me to just turn my phone off as no really bothers texting me as it would make feel better. Sometimes i even wonder why i even bother facing the outside world when i can sit on my mac all day. Sounds like paradise to me feeling relieved
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I wonder if you being very set on not interacting with the people you don't like and often walking out could be giving others the impression that you aren't keen on the socialising side of the group, making them less likely to initiate conversation with you. What about going up to one or two of the people you don't dislike and introducing yourself?
If you did decide to not go out anymore and just spend the day on your mac, do you think you would at some point start to miss things?
To me not seeing people all week is peaceful, it's on less thing to worry about which is a big positive and i have no desire or interest to turn up to these groups again. I can think a lot of more interesting things i would rather do that's more worthy of my time that involve the comfort and security of my hom
Cos i have been in this boat for long a time, it's second nature to me now, i no longer think about wanting friends and to be honest spending a couple of months/years in isolation is paradise to me.
I have tried speaking to them however my body starts shaking and I end up saying the wrong things without realising or keeping the conversation to very
minimal.
Seriously I have no desire or motivation to turn up any group whatsoever.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Well, nobody is making you, so you're free to never go again :)
I hope you find it helpful to not go.
Research would suggest though you're doing the complete opposite of what aids people who suffer from depression and/or anxiety in their recovery.
I am not sure if I got that right, but I wonder what turning off your phone achieves when you say nobody texts you anyway?
To me it doesn't aid to my recovery and actually to me it's like heading into the lion's den if there were less people and the staff were less patronising i would go every week. However, the staff treat me like I'm really dumb and naive and that's another reason why I don't bother going. When i am at home, my anxiety and depression do not worsen and actually feel relieved like i have dodged a big bullet.
I still get annoying notifications from social media and the moment i can cope with only small amount of social contact/human interaction. It's just the way things are.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I forgot some people get social media notifications on their phone as I don't. That makes sense, I can see why that would be annoying and turning them off might be beneficial.
With anxiety you're only gonna get better when you stop dodging bullets and start throwing yourself right at them. Avoiding anxiety inducing activities will provide short term relief, facing them will make the anxiety lessen or even go away in the long run.
I think it's your mental illness talking when you say staying in and isolating yourself is helpful. Can you think about in how far you're not able to asses how helpful things are as mental illness distorts people's thinking?
I can relate to what you are saying, so I am speaking from personal experience.
i also turn my phone also if I am in the middle of doing my open university work and don't wish to be disturbed by other people and need to concentrate and get a load of things done.
Unless there's specific piece of paper in my care plan that says i must participate and reach out to lots of groups despite having anxiety which there isn't I am really not that bothered/care about. I am actually relieved, glad and every positive adjective i can think off when i skive off these activities.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I really agree with what Lana (la araña discoteca) has been saying. Especially since I think in some of your other threads you have expressed a desire for social interaction. I can absolutely relate to needing some time alone and it's often a really good idea to turn off your phone etc, however I wonder if in a few days or weeks you will start to feel lonely and regret having shut off to such an extent.
You are of course entitled to disagree and decide to continue to isolate yourself, however I'm wondering what sort of replies/supporta/advice you were hoping for from this thread?
I feel lonely for a little as in a few days but then i soon and come to my senses why I want to be left alone. I try not to think about being lonely i try and think of positive reasons.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Still not answering my calls or texts to anyone, haven't even bothered turning the thing on this morning or charging simply because there was no point, no reason to. Thinking of removing my contract and just topping it up on pay as you go but that may end up really expensive.
I am even thinking of changing my number and making sure that anyone who was friends with me in the past stays in the past. That could be a solution for me and only giving my number out to family, my very close group of penpals, Graham and mental health/doctors surgery
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
You are of course entitled to disagree and decide to continue to isolate yourself, however I'm wondering what sort of replies/supporta/advice you were hoping for from this thread?
Can you answer this question? I am not sure how I can help.
Changing your number would solve what problem exactly?
I don't understand.
Are there particular people whose texts/calls are bothering you? You said earlier that no one really bothers to text you anyway, so I'm honestly a little bit confused! I'm wondering if perhaps you feel conflicted between wanting to sever ties with certain people, but also feeling a bit 'abandoned' (really sorry, that's an annoying word but I couldn't think of a better one!) that certain other people don't make an effort to text you?
Do you have a smartphone? Most have number blocking built into it. That way you can stop texts and calls from people who you don't want to know. There's also various call blocking apps.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I don't really know what advice and support I need for this
To be honest I am not really that bothered if I don't see soul for ten-twenty years, I have had so many people mess me about and ****. That I am sick and tired of it all now. I am not that bothered really about making new friends or getting reacquainted with old friends simply because my old friends have messed me up so many times that they are not worth the price of a piece of paper. I have given up trying a different groups simply because I feel in my own area unwelcome and I am always lumbered with bunch of people I absolutely can't stand. So why bother putting myself through that shiz. i actually feel quite apethetic like I don't give a rats ass.
I have already put the number blocks on my iphone and I am hoping to get a new number at the start of January once my contract is up and permanently draw a line in the sand.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Are there particular people whose texts/calls are bothering you? You said earlier that no one really bothers to text you anyway, so I'm honestly a little bit confused! I'm wondering if perhaps you feel conflicted between wanting to sever ties with certain people, but also feeling a bit 'abandoned' (really sorry, that's an annoying word but I couldn't think of a better one!) that certain other people don't make an effort to text you?
There's a few people that do text me and say lets meet up however i get no reply or I plan to meet them say costa coffee and they don't blooming turn up, so I am giving them less chances and eventually saying they are out of my life.
it's not doing my mental health any good and they are just statistic at the end of day to line of people that have done that to me, they mean absolutely nothing to me/they are worthless.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
feeling relieved
