Guess who's been referred to eating disorder services for the first time ever..? It feels good to feel safe enough to say that here now. The last few months have been a lot with the food stuff and I don't know what I need, but damn I could use a hug or something.
Thank you, appreciate that a lot. Yeah it's been consuming my life and head to be honest. Struggling to function sometimes, I'm tired and cold a lot and my skin is *****. Yet I don't really want to change it, or.. can't. I don't know. Both. It's confusing and I'm so conflicted.
it makes sense that it's confusing and conflicting! just because something is harmful to you doesn't mean it's not functioning in a useful way. it's a means to cope, even if it isn't healthy.
are you looking for advice or suggestions here, or just validation and to be heard?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Honestly I don't know if any advice or suggestions are going to sink in at the moment, because I'm not really willing to change the behaviour right now. That's why I'm worried about the referral, too. I think maybe they'll see me and just be annoyed and think I'm stubborn and wasting time. Plus, I'm too enormous for an ED referral, it's embarrassing! I know it doesn't work like that and I'd never say it about someone else, but it's different when it's you, isn't it? I mean, if you have advice or suggestions then you can go for it, I just don't anticipate being able to use them right now. :/
that's totally okay! just wasn't sure what you were looking for so didn't want to offer anything unsolicited.
know we've suggested this to others but are you familiar with the idea of harm reduction as it applies to eds? if changing or stopping behaviors is too much or impossible, there are definitely steps you can take to try to minimise the harm to a degree. would anything like that be stuff you would be open to? or would it be worth trying to explore what role your ed is serving for you to see if there are other options that could do similar?
know this sort of comes across as suggestions or advice so of course ignore if it feels too impossible or scary to consider.
it makes sense that your ed is helping at the moment, so also makes sense why you wouldn't want to change it. that said, if there are ways to do things different in order to get the similar benefits or to be a bit safer, would that be worth considering or something you would be open to? again it's okay if not. just would be curious if there is any wiggle room at all in there to make it seem less black and white in terms of ed or nothing.
its late here so many apologies if this doesn't make sense, and please ask if you need clarification
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I mean, I suppose it depends - and no I'm not sure how harm reduction applies to EDs. I'd be open to at least hearing about it, even if I'm not certain I'd be able to do it..? Thanks for taking the time out to reply, by the way.
it will obviously depend on what behaviors you struggle with.
but if you are familiar with harm reduction for cutting for example, it's things like using clean tools, practicing proper wound care, trying to cut in less dangerous areas, or less times/less often. stuff like that.
we don't really want to give examples that wouldn't work for your current struggles. but it's basically thinking about if you have to engage in the behaviour, are there any small changes you can make to make it at least slightly safer or less severe?
so for us for example, we have a physical labor job with horses. so it's unsafe for us to be around the horses without having eaten or being very dehydrated. so as a means of harm reduction, we always have to eat something before we go to work. it can be something small, but it has to be something. and we always have to take a drink with us. it can be coffee if that feels safer than water. we hope this doesn't count as tip sharing, just was trying to come up with an example and the best thing we could think of was a personal one.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Okay yeah, so I guess what I've (reluctantly) committed to today with my personal trainer would count - eating more than I'd ordinarily be comfortable with before going for a session with her? And what I've been struggling with is solely restriction with some extra exercise.
Well then I guess I've made a good start. I did manage to push my intake up today, and eat more times than usual, and face a fear food. So I did fairly well today - though half my brain thinks it's failure because I'm gross and will gain weight, but anyway.. I'll try to be proud as well.
