Struggling ...Trigger

Mek · 02-09-2013, 05:59 AM

So I having been struggling and going back and forth for about 2 weeks now. Its funny how one can seriously contemplate the pros and cons of SH. I mean how is it logical to do that? Its not! Except, I have myself convinced that the debate is a very logical one....

I have been struggling with SH since I was about 12 years old. I am not 28 years old. I have been on the path to recovery for about 5 years, with a few slip ups here and there ... the last one being about 2 years ago.

I just am starting to get in a dark point in my life and need to feel alive ... I know it sounds stupid that I would want to SH to feel alive ... its just I feel so numb ... life goes on the same everyday, its a different day but the same routine. I was enjoying life for awhile ... it seemed to be really good ... but now its just so repetitive ... i feel alone, helpless and defeated ...

I just want to give in ...

Bellatrix · 02-09-2013, 11:10 AM

I think it's 'normal' to debate it. Not for people who have more healthy coping skills, but certainly for people who use certain behaviours to cope with their feelings (or lack of feelings) it's normal to have to considor whether it's worth doin or not.

Maybe try writing up a pros and cons list and see where that takes you.

Are there other thigns you can do to feel alive - something adrenaline packed, or active sports (relese endorphines).

Keep talking, and try distractions to keep ourself from cutting.

Do you know what has changed to make you feel so numb recently?

Mek · 05-09-2013, 04:54 AM

I am happy to say that I have not SH. I am not really sure what has caused the numbness, but it seems to come and go. For the moment I am doing alright.

TimesLikeThese · 05-09-2013, 01:08 PM

I'm pleased to hear you have not self harmed and that you are doing alright for the moment.

Now that you are feeling a little better, could you think of a plan of what to do if you start to fight the urge again? When we are in the moment of 'I need to self harm' it can be really hard to find ways to distract ourselves because at the time it seems like the right thing to do. Maybe you could come up with a plan of what you can do or where you can go or who you can talk to when you feel the urge, so you have the plan already in place for if/when you get into that difficult place again.

I hope that makes sense!

Mek · 09-09-2013, 04:41 PM

Thanks! I'm still going strong and have not SH. I still have bouts of struggling and seriously contemplating it. I think the only thing that actually keeps me from doing it is that I don't want to go back down that road and become that girl again. I have fought extremely hard to be where I am today and don't want to throw that all away ... So hopefully I will stay level minded and be able to avoid SH-ing.