Sorry I haven't been around.
I'll try to keep this short;
I went to the doctors the other day. I had an examination which was a disaster and afterwards, she said she could see no 'glaringly obvious' signs of cancer. I had no idea she was looking for it??? She then said she was referring me to the hospital gynaecology department for a more 'detailed' exam because of xyz and symptoms.
I have PTSD and have spent my whole life avoiding this kind of examination. I am told I cannot take anyone with me because of covid which I understand but what will I do if I panic?? I rang my CPN in tears yesterday but she just said it's not as bad as I think because she knows and I am terrible at advocating for myself so I didn't ask the doctor anything I was so shell shocked I just shut off.
I am wondering would it be unreasonable if I were to ring the hospital and ask my partner to explain why I'm scared and then if I shut down during the exam they will understand?? I don't know what to do. I cannot absorb information when I feel at risk or triggered etc so if they find something in the exam or when they take a biopsy how will I relay information? Do you think they would let me write any of it down? I can't believe this.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
And you don't have to apologise
The automated thing at one of my local hospitals says that you're allowed someone with you if you have mental health difficulties (among other things) and that you can have someone with you if it would cause you distress to not have someone with you.
Is this something you could ask?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope your hospital allows you to do what Beckie's does. If not I think it might be a good thing for your partner to phone the hospital like you said. There must be a way to take your distress etc into account and make things as easy as is possible for you.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thank you both <3
I will see what they say in the letter when it arrives and if they can't let me have anyone there I will ask him to ring them. This is such a rubbish situation.
Things are difficult, but I guess I am to expect that. Most people keep telling me not to worry but it's really hard not to worry! I feel like I'm in limbo until my appointment arrives. Doesn't really help that nothing is open and I can't see anyone because of the lockdown. I am also changing CPNs and I hope she will be understanding and I won't have to explain everything/my whole life all over again.
That is quite a lot of things to have to deal with.
Waiting can be the hardest thing to do & dealing with a big change in your support network on top of that can't be very helpful.
I feel you re the frustration about not being able to go out and just enjoy life.
Are you managing to stay in touch with people via phone/internet? It's not the same, but sometimes that helps a little bit.
Do you feel supported at home, i.e. is there anything you feel your partner could do to help?
I have been pretty low if I'm honest, I saw it coming because of circumstances more than anything else but I have some PRN that I have to get tomorrow.
My partner is being wonderful - Meanwhile, I feel terrible for just being so useless at life things; I just keep crying and not getting anything done bar the absolute minimum. It really feels like I am just dreadful at life and should give up trying.
Sorry, but I got my appointment through for this coming week and I noticed on the back of the letter it says that it's patient only but if someone is needed for physical or emotional support they can come;I just have to ring and explain. I'm so relieved! :)
Curveball
