Can't restrict like I used to

[Juniperi]

Apologies for jumping back in without having been here for a long time.

I've had a long period of trying to eat without restricting. Often lately, anxiety will show up and I'll want to restrict food and over-exercise in the ways that I used to.

I used to feel so strong when I did this, in control and the anxiety would subside. Now it makes me feel nauseous and tired.

Has anyone else had this experience?

I know I can't expect my body to feel good if I don't treat it well, and that there are healthier ways to manage anxiety. I'd just like to know if anyone else's body responds in this way. The ED voice is quite loud suggesting it's just happening because I'm a pig and disgusting and not being strong enough.

Thank you if you read this x

[Elmer]

Sorry to hear that you have been struggling again.

I've certainly experienced similar. From my limited understanding, it's mostly biology. Your body doesn't want to run on not enough fuel and if it senses another 'famine', it will react to try to prevent that. This can happen even if you're just *thinking* about restricting, because brains are weird things we don't yet understand very well. It's not a personal failing, it's your brain and body doing what they are supposed to.

I think it's also important to emphasise that eating or not eating aren't in any way moral issues. People who eat enough are no better or worse than people who don't. Your struggles are valid either way, but as you say there are less harmful ways to cope with anxiety - do you have any access to support for your mental health? It could be worth looking on the BEAT or Mind websites, I think both offer online support or at least signposting. And there's here of course. It's very quiet these days but you will usually get a reply even if it takes a few days.

[Auror.]

can definitely relate to what both of you have said. unsure we have any better words than what lio already said, but you are definitely not alone.

[Juniperi]

Thank you so much for answering. It's nice to know I'm not alone and to be reminded that it's a biological response. I do have support I can access, which I sometimes do and sometimes don't depending on how loud the ED voice gets. Hopefully it's a good sign that it's quieter on here now.

[Zippit]

I can certainly understand what you're saying. Our brains are often not our friends are they? One emotion makes your tum clam up and you can't eat and another sends you straight to the food cupboard. I've been a bit like this lately after a long period of being okay.

You're not a pig, disgusting or weak. You have an ED and are living with anxiety - two conditions that are not helpful at all are they?

Please don't label yourself in a negative way but enjoy those times when it's you in control and not your emotions (and I'll try to do the same too).