You're both right, it probably is a good thing that I wasn't discharged, I just can't shake the feeling that they are all up to something, I don't know what and it makes me uncomfortable.
I'm kind of torn between wanting help and being too scared of getting help, at least until I know exactly what they are doing, I believe they have ulterior motives.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
How badly damaged is your wrist? Please get at X-Ray on it at the very least.
I'd urge you to ring OOH/duty- you don't sound well, even if you think it's not that bad. Whatever your reasons for trying to break your wrists, even if you think it's for good reasons, is not the behaviour of a person who is well.
x
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I don't think it's that bad, I can move it, just a bit bruised.
They did call today and I have the crisis team coming out shortly
Even though I'm only meant to be under them for up to 48 hours, they are going to wait until after the weekend to discharge me back to CMHT and my CPN will be back by then.
I'm finding it really hard to put things into words, so I'm not really sure how to communicate stuff, and I wasn't really too keen on seeing the crisis team, but they think it's necessary so I'm not going to make a fuss about it. It might even help!
I don't really like writing things down either, I always feel really, really uncomfortable when people read things that I've written in front of me. And writing is hard because of the wrist thing.
I'm a bit of a mess!
They didn't tell me exactly when they were coming, but they said sooner rather than later...
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I think it's good you've got the Crisis team coming out -at least they're there for support until your CPN is back - saves you calling Duty and keep waiting for them to call you back.
Could you maybe type something and give it to them and either ask them to read it later or leave the room while they read it...go and make a cup of tea or something? I did that with my CPN once.
I hope your wrist is okay, if you need to maybe it'd help to put a support on it or something?
It sounds like although you're unsure of their help you know that thing's aren't good at the moment and they are some of the few people who can help with that?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I could do, I'm going to try and explain it all as best as I can, although they are going to have to be patient because it's taking me a long time to actually speak words at the moment for some reason. I've started stuttering when talking to MH people and I kind of stop for a long time between words. I'm not sure why and it's really fucking annoying!
I can't make tea because my sink looks like I've been playing washing up jenga and I have no remaining clean mugs. It started off because I just couldn't be arsed, now it's hard because of my wrists. No tea for me! Unless I drink it out of a bowl...that could work!
We used to have to do that in one of the TCs I was at because there were no mugs for some reason.
Anyway, I'm rambling now!
I've got a wrist splint from last time so I'll probably put that on for a while.
I am unsure, I'm suspicious of pretty much everyone at the moment tbh.
I thought all the police were things that had turned into police officers to come and kill me, which is one of the reasons I was so reluctant to comply. And there were so many of them and flashing lights everywhere and it was especially bright because it was a small country lane so there were no lights anywhere at all except the blue ones and there were cars blocking both sides of me and I really thought they were going to kill me.
I'm rambling again and I've forgotten my point.
*facepalm*
I ramble when I'm nervous.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I wanted to do a totally inappropriate replay to this of 'sink twins!'.
Usually I fish one out and wash it in the bathroom sink, just a little tip for when you're desperate.
Wrist splint or tubie grip, anything to to give a bit of extra support sounds good.
Sounds like things have been extra scary recently and probably piling up to make you more anxious.
My brother did the washing up while he was here today so now I actually have clean mugs (for now!)
But I'm having a bit of trouble with using the water at the moment, so I probably don't need the mugs right now.
Been wearing a wrist support today, it's actually a lot better. I was pretty sure I had broken it because it hurt a lot and my hand went cold and got pins and needles in it, it still hurts, but in a different way, like there's a piece of bone poking against something, which I'm pretty sure there isn't because I can move it quite well, but that's what the pain feels like.
Told the crisis team yesterday and they said it actually made sense to break my wrists rather than cutting or hurting someone else.
Not doing so well today, the crisis team called and I rambled a bit about something, not entirely sure what. They weren't going to come today but they are going to come and drop off some PRN (even though I said I didn't really need it) and see me tomorrow, possibly seeing duty doctor tomorrow as well but not sure if that is still happening if I'm getting PRN tonight.
I told her what the numbers might mean and why I had to keep sorting them out, days, months, hours, years, seconds, minutes.....
About March 5th 2016.
3 plane crashes March 5th 1966.
Crash 1-133 dead
Crash 2-124 dead
Crash 3-64 dead
=321 dead
321 Middlefield Rd, children's hospital specialising in neurology, chip in my brain was put in when I was under 16.
5093674
Human instrumentality project, merging all human individuals into a single consummate being.
Hostiles= angels/spirits/others. Supernatural beings.
301 days remaining until the end of the year (March 5th 2016)
301 bus, goes past both hospitals, the bus route that I first heard a strange voice, one that I hadn't heard before and haven't heard since, one that I knew they could all hear, but pretended not to.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm glad you spoke to the crisis team and they didn't react badly. Maybe it'd help just to have the PRN in case you need it at a later date?
Yey for clean mugs :) have you been drinking enough?
The numbers thing sounds really complex and it's no wonder it's been troubling you.
I hope your wrist feels better soon.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
took prn ages ago. it's done nothing
tried calling again, they said i could go to a&e if i wanted, but dont think i can get there. trains arent good.
tried to screw a hole in my head to try and relieve the pressure otherwise it would get too much and my brain would glitch out too much but cant do it properly, screwdrivers arent sharp.
got to come out somehow though. not sure what else i can do
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Beckie, simply from that post it sounds like seeing/speaking to someone at A&E could be helpful. That's a very dangerous thing to try doing.
Is someone still staying with you?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
dont think i could work my way to a&e. walk train bus. buses stop soon. cant really walk that well for some reason
and couldnt get back home.
its ok.. woudnt be able to talk to anyone there. its a scary place
theres a chinese character on my arm, dont know how it got there. googled it, looks like it says 'osaka' a city in japan apparently. those plane crashes were in japan. i have no other connection to it.
its drawn in blood. dont know where the blood came from.
have wiped it off now.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Beckie, it really sounds like you need some support. I'm really worried for you. Could you call crisis just to speak to them?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Im ok. its not bad.
i cant call them again. theres nothing they can do except say to go to a&e if i want to. but i cant get there even if i wanted to go
they told me if i want to od or self harm then its my responsibilty, i know that and i never said i wanted to do either of those things but they keep saying it even though i dont want to self harm they just keep saying it.
they keep asking what i want them to do because i called them and i dont know what to do thats why i called and i dont know what i want them to do, i know there isnt anything they can do except give prn but it hasnt worked.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
i wouldnt be able to make it there, seriosuly, i cant even remember where the damn hospital is. train and bus.
its not even bleeding anymore its fine.
i wouldnt know what to say to them, i didnt earlier. took ages to get any words out at all. i dont have anything to say to them
id just be going all the way there for them to say distract yourself and see you tomorrow whch ive been trying anyway and theres nothing else i or they can do.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Beckie, I am concerned about you. I agree with the other posters that going to A&E is probably the best idea. Could you call the Crisis Team and explain that you think you need to go to A&E and see if they can help with transport/pay for a taxi. I know you say you don't feel like taking an OD or self-harming but some of the things you have said/done are quite worrying. At least in A&E they can keep an eye on you and keep you safe. It does sound like you need more support than you are currently receiving.
x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
Please can you call the crisis team again and tell them what you need is help getting to A+E. They may be able to help you organise a taxi or even an ambulance if they understand what is going on.
I know people here are all saying the same, and you have said you can't manage to talk to people - but it is because we are worried about you.
Can you write down what has happened to read out to the crisis team on the phone/ A+E staff if you go there. They need to know that you tried to screw a hole in your head, and that you had blood on your arm and don't know how it got there.
Please be safe and keep trying to get some help.
Last edited by Copernicus : 07-12-2013 at 12:28 AM.
I seriously think you need to go to A&E but I also think you know this.
It doesn't have to just be to speak to someone...every A&E have a place of safety for someone in distress and you can simply be there so you are safe from hurting yourself at all.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
i know i think i need help
a&e would be doing more harm than good
its friday night. its busy. i dont want to be taking up time because there will be lots of people and its bright and noisy and closed in and the snakes might be there still and i know what the crisis team will say they will say i need to take respinisibilty and im trying to do that.
its frustrating when i try to talk. i stutter and cant get words out and repeat words and dont make sense. its really fucking annoying and i cant get words out properly so i cant explain myself and i dont think theyll believe me about anything
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
