I don't know how to put this across to you guys but I just need to open up to someone, regardless of my anonymity.
Have any of you had to deal with a younger sibling trying to copy everything about you.. your look, your aspirations..
I should be flattered that she's looking up to me the way she is but it goes far beyond that. It's reached the point where she even copies my WORK and posts it/shows it off as her own, with a few words changed. When I was still living with my parents, she was creeping into my room and looking through my writing in notebooks, going on my laptop, and who knows what else. I let her stay at my house last weekend and found out that she was looking through a cupboard, that I had purposely locked, and looked in my personal journal, scouting for any writing material I have record of and learn from.
She's quite a few years younger than myself and she applied for media and creative writing (2 separate courses) in college. As soon as she applied, she tried to read fantasy books, which is what my writing is based around, instead of her usual romance-only choice. However, her grades didn't cut the requirements, so she was not allowed to pursue with writing, and now is skipping most days of classes because she's now confessing that she hates media?! I've tried to talk to her but she just lies, or plays the sympathy card. I'm trying to be helpful but I can see when she's ignoring me as I talk.
She's dyed her hair the same colour as mine and is only buying clothes that I'd wear, despite their steep prices and she's not getting her own income. It wasn't long ago that her style was the complete opposite to mine.. She's snooping to where my beauty products are and having my parents buy them for her, despite their steep prices, too. A big problem is that I can't stop her from coming to our house (as she comes to see my daughter as well), using our bathroom.. But I have noticed that the consistency of my products have changed and that I was getting a bad reaction to my skin and hair.
I don't know whether to take this as something she did or a health problem?? I bought completely new products and hid those away in the same locked cupboard that my work was hidden in, so I'm very upset that she's been in there, and especially her looking at personal and deep journal entries. Writing is my life and my projects are like my babies, but that doesn't stop her. She doesn't care. It seems like she's out of control.
We used to be close, and I loved nurturing her when she was a little younger. But then I realised she was using me as a tool (another story completely) we drifted. In fact, she was bad-talking me behind my back to her "friends" that she has convincingly expressed that she doesn't even like. She had a thing for my ex boyfriend, despite their age difference, and said she doesn't like guys her own age. At 15, she met her 19 year old boyfriend on an adult website, and admitted that he seems more like my age? What!
Please try to refrain from negative comments. I do pride myself on being different and independent, yes, but that is not all that this is about. What advice can anyone give me about handling this, apart from possibly cutting her off for a while, or completely? I've been feeling low recently, and it doesn't even seem long ago that I started getting my life back on track again.
That sounds really stressful for your privacy to be invaded like that. Cutting her off for a bit does sound like it might be the best option for both of you- not only to give you a break, but also to encourage her to be a little more independent and start to define herself as an individual rather than entirely modelling herself on you. Alternatively is there anyone in your family who could speak to her about what she's doing?
Wow, you need to stop seeing her for a bit. I think she's seeing that you're successful and she (for whatever reason) maybe doesn't feel that way so maybe she's copying you in order to feel successful like you.
She's not trying to copy you, she's trying to BE you. (perhaps even sabotaging your makeup so that you'll be less you somehow??)
Your degree, your makeup, your hair, your writing, your relationships.
Frankly, I'd straight up not allow her in my house again for a LONG time. So what if she doesn't see your daughter as much. (She's trying to be you and copy your relationships.... your daughter is an important relationship to you)
If you feel your parents will listen to you, maybe talk to them about her need to copy you. Why isn't being herself okay? Someone or something has made her feel that way and it needs to be dealt with.
If you don't want to cut her off, maybe make sister-dates and get together outside your home. You can still have her visit your daughter, but she'd have less access to you and your things that way.
I'm sorry that your sister is behaving in a healthy way, but it may be for the best if you go without seeing her for a little while. After all, if she can't see you to copy you it will be a lot harder to try to be you and maybe she'll be forced to be herself.
I think you need to limit the access she has to your life. I understand that she's your sister, but this is borderline unhealthy. If she wants to spend time with your daughter, arrange to meet up with her either where she lives or in a public space like a park. If she insists on coming over, put your important things, like journals, away in a more secured place. If you can get a safe, that would probably work. Anything you don't want her seeing or touching should be hidden. Also, I wouldn't let her in areas like your bedroom at all if you can. If not, supervise her. If none of this helps I think you need to have a serious discussion with her about her life choices, especially what she's doing to her education. If that doesn't help, then a full blown intervention might be necessary and by that point you should tell your parents your concerns. I hope this helps and everything works out.
