Hi, I haven't been on this site in quite awhile but I'm just reaching out for advice as I don't know what my next best steps are. Hopefully this doesn't get too long.
A couple of months ago I received a text from a number I didn't recognize. I thought it was a casual friend and I just didn't have them in my phone, so I did the whole "sorry, I lost my contacts, who is this" thing and it turned out to be a guy that I may have went on a date with or just given my number to (I don't remember him at all).
He messaged me a bit and asked if I was single - I was not, and am not, interested so I told him I was out of town for an extended period of time and didn't know when I'd be back. He kept messaging and I was polite and figured he'd just peter out, but then he sent me a really long message basically detailing that he'd been in legal trouble and he just wanted me to know the full story. I don't want to trigger anyone so I won't relay what he said, but basically that was a hard no from me and I didn't want to talk anymore. But I was afraid of making him upset because I'm kind of paranoid about that stuff, so I just told him "that sucks" and then stopped replying after that.
It was fine for a few months but he just messaged me this morning and asked how I've been. I haven't responded and don't want to. However, I'm always really nervous about how a wrong response or even no response could make someone angry. Very specifically (sorry if this offends anyone) but men with fragile egos.
Any advice on what to do? I thought about just ignoring it and if he messages again to tell him that I just got the number a month ago as a business line and I don't know who he is (basically to indicate he's not messaging me anymore). But I don't know. This kind of stuff just really freaks me out.
I can block him, but I'm not sure if he would know that I did.
He shouldn't know where I live, but I own my house so I suppose just by knowing my name he could figure that out.
To be clear, he hasn't really said anything beyond the "I got into legal trouble" stuff that is really threatening to me, but you never know with some guys so it makes me uncomfortable.
EDIT: Thanks, Auror - my current plan is to ghost him, and see if he reaches out again. And if he does go from there.
My dad is constantly on my case as to why I don't date/using dating apps anymore and honestly, this is the reason. I have friends who have met really great guys threw the apps and I have too, but it's almost not worth it with all the sketchy ones out there.
Does he have to know you did? I think its likely he’ll give up in the end, and even if not you wouldn’t be getting his messages anyway. Tbh, blocking someone is a pretty clear message that you no longer want to talk to the person and most people respect that.
If you feel at all unsafe or feel like he might show up at your address having found it out, contact the police. They are usually (at least here in the UK anyway) pretty harsh with people when it has been made clear to them their attention/contact is not wanted.
Thanks, all. If he messages again, I'll just block.
I also wish property weren't searchable. I suppose he'd have to be pretty dedicated to try to find property records and I seriously doubt I'm worth all that trouble. And if he ever did turn up at my house, I have a pretty scary dog who does not like strangers, so that sends a clear message. He just doesn't seem to come across as a super confident guy, and sometimes they can be the worst with rejection.
I just hate having to worry about stuff like that. I don't think our police care too much over here unless specific threats are made; I knew a girl in university who was being stalked and they told her there was basically nothing they could do.
Hopefully he'll just get the message and move on.
Last edited by PoppyLove : 25-09-2023 at 10:35 PM.
Reason: Misspellings.
fingers crossed he moves on peacefully and the worries stay worries. we've had issues with stalking before and unfortunately, police humans don't seem to care much. sounds like it's good you have your dog though!
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
changing numbers seems like a bit extreme of a suggestion right now. if it gets worse or becomes stalking then yes, but changing numbers is a huge thing to have to deal with and doesn't seem like it's at the point to be necessary yet. but of course poppy do what makes you feel safest.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Thanks. I agree, I'd like to not have to change my number if I don't have to since I've had it for years and that would be a big hassle. He's not spamming me with messages (thankfully he hasn't texted since that one text I ignored Monday) so him having my number is probably the least of my concerns.
I've certainly dealt with creepy guys before so hopefully he's just another one that will eventually get the message and go away. It's just hard when my anxiety gets involved and reading news stories about snubbed individuals who start to take things too far.
But I guess there's no point in sitting and worrying about it, or at least that's what I have to tell myself. That really just gives him even more power. So for now I'll just see if he responds again or tries to reach out some other way, which my socials are all pretty locked down so that might not be easy for him to do.
Thank you all again. It's nice to have some outside input as it can be hard to talk to in-person people about that kind of stuff without freaking them out (which would then freak me out) or feeling kind of embarrassed about the whole thing.
