Two years ago...

[Just.Lose.It.]

Two years ago today was the first time I had to deal with suicide, I'd just turned 18.

We weren't close, we just worked together. He always seamed so happy and was always joking around. We all finished work at midnight, he was found at 4am, I heard at 10am. He was 24. He had a 3 year old son. I walked to work the next day and found flowers surrounding a tree.

Sometimes I still wonder 'how didn't I see it? How didn't anyone see it?' He'd always been so happy, so why would we? I still walk past the tree now and then and it makes my stomach turn.

RIP big man, we all still miss you <3

[DarkShiba]

I'm sorry to hear about this hun x
But some people are really good in hiding.
I lost my best friend on suicide same as you friend. He always smiled and joked around no one noticed.
You don't always know what people hide behind that smile.

If you need someone to talk to when you feel bad or whevnever you want feel free to pm me x

[Patent Pending]

*hugs*

As said above; some people are incredibly good at hiding what's really going on. Often the people who appear the happiest are the ones struggling most. Try not to be so hard on yourself for not seeing it; if people don't want you to see their struggles you won't.

Maybe you could put a flower or something by the tree?

If you ever need to talk; please feel free to PM me. I've been in your position many times so I can kind of understand.

x x x

[Fire Fly]

Hi lovely,
I'm sorry that that happened. You can't blame yourself. It wasn't just you that didn't notice how desperate and alone he must have been feeling. It's not an easy thing to deal with and it is quite tragic. When people are feeling so alone and desperate they may try and mask the way they are feeling as they may feel they aren't 'worth' any help or valued enough to approach someone.

Is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel about everything? X

[crazykat]

It is always tough to deal with someone's suicide even after time passes. It is quite common to question why you didn't see the signs etc. However you have to remember it wasn't your fault. Some people just get good at hiding how they really feel so there is no way you could have known. Perhaps you could do something nice to remember him by as a way of making peace with and forgiving yourself.

[Just.Lose.It.]

Thank you everyone. I'm doing a lot better today. I guess I remember it so vividly because it was the same day as my grandmothers birthday and I remember sitting in her house trying my hardest not to break. But I'm okay now. I just needed to say how I felt without actually telling anyone 'cause I have this 'hard core' exterior and I don't let anyone in. Writing it down and letting it out really helps, thank you x

[talaiporia]

I'm glad you're doing better now, but anniversaries can be difficult, remembering the event so clearly. I'm glad it's helped to talk about it, and you have found it a good way to express yourself.