I’m so sorry things are so hard. You’re doing so well with how hard you’re trying not to purge, that battle feels almost impossible sometimes.
I’m glad you have a psych appointment and that it’s face to face. Will your cpn be there? Can she tell him what she knows so that the conversation can get started?
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
My cpn will be there. That will make it easier.
Though I still get the feeling she's not taking me seriously
That could just be a bit of paranoia though
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Does writing things down to take with you typically help? Would that be worth trying?
I also think it's worth mentioning to your CPN that you don't feel like she's taking it seriously and you feel like your concerns and needs have been invalidated. Even if it doesn't change anything, it's something she needs to be made aware of. Hopefully then she can change what she's doing to be more supportive.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
That's a good idea.
I do have a few things to bring up so writing things down will definitely help!
Yes you're right.
I think she's taking it a bit more seriously since the blood results but I still don't feel like she believes me completely. Or even thinks it's an issue because of my weight.
It is worth bringing it up with her.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I don't think you're being paranoid from the sounds of it. Even if you were it's still worth addressing and her taking seriously. You can even point out to her that there is now physical evidence (bloods) that would indicate your weight is not a useful indicator of overall health, and even without evidence, as your provider she needs to take your concerns and struggles seriously.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
You're completely right.
Thanks Camden for the reassurance.
My psych is usually pretty good and takes me seriously so hopefully I'll have his back up too!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I don't actually know 100% what a CPN does but from the sounds of it it seems a bit similar to what my case manager human used to do. And a big part of their job was advocating for me and my needs. So to do her job well, she needs to take your concerns seriously to be able to advocate for you. It makes me really angry that she's not (even if it's just how you feel versus her perception).
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Yes that does sound similar to what she does.
I hope it's just me being paranoid (because there's been a lot of that lately) but it really sounded like she wasn't bothered.
But at least my gp is bothered so I have her.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
So not only has an fb memory come up of me having lost a load of weight and looking halfway acceptable, my carer has just been, enquired about my eating habits for some reason so I told her and she was just like 'I support you, it looks like you've lost weight already'
So now I'm just not in a good place!!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
What the actual ****. Call the agency, report her. You told her you had an EATING DISORDER and she just praised your weight loss?! And told you to CARRY ON??? Not OK. Not OK at all. Weight should never be commented on anyway but in this context it's disgusting. I'm so sorry this happened to you, especially from someone who is supposed to be providing you with care.
FB memories are hard and triggering, I get that. Have you managed to make it stop showing up or are you looking at it over and over again? Because looking at past you and wishing for what you looked like then (I bet you weren't happy then either?) is just going to make you feel worse, and make your ED so much louder.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Yeah I think I will report her.
She seemed to think it was a diet as she started going on about what diets she'd been on and how much weight she'd lost.
I keep looking at it. I don't know why.
No I wasn't happy then either! But I'd give anything to look like that now
It's making me feel awful. I've been nearly in tears over it!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Good for you for reporting her. She needs some education. And possibly a little lie down in a puddle.
I think you know what to do. Find a way to stop looking at it, if you can, is my advice. It's only going to make you feel worse when you are fragile. Hopefully one day you will look back on it and think of the happy memories you made that day (if it was a good day?) but for now, get it gone. It's not worth making yourself more ill for.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I definitely agree re reporting the carer. That's not cool.
Can you delete the post so it doesn't keep coming up? Sorry, I don't know how Facebook works as I don't have one so that might be dumb.
I'm really proud of you for recognizing that those things are damaging/not okay though. I think that in itself is something to acknowledge and be proud of instead of just going along with the thoughts/comments and agreeing with them.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Hey guys
Just wanted to say a massive thank you for all the A* advice I've been given on this thread!
I spoke to my psych today.
He didn't really want to do anything but I described how much this is affecting me and the things I'm doing so he's writing to my gp to get a referral to a dietician. He's also putting me on a tablet to help with weight loss which I'm a bit about
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I didn't really get a chance because it was the very end of the appointment.
It's a medication used for diabetes and something else that I can't remember.
I think my nanny is on it
I'm really not sure how I feel about it
But I do desperately want to lose weight
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Again, I am so ****ing sorry. A weight loss tablet in someone with malnutrition. Not clever. I know you want to lose weight but please don’t fill that prescription. It’s only going to make you poorly, mentally and possibly physically.
I am beyond angry. The system is a joke. An absolute shambles. It’s disgusting.
I’m glad you’re getting a referral to a dietitian, can you specify to your GP that it’s an eating disorder you want help with, not weight loss advice (tempting as that may be)? Because weight loss advice will only hurt you.
I’m so sorry.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Thanks Lio
I don't think I will take it.
I've looked at the common side effects and they don't look good. I really want to lose weight though.
I'll talk to my gp about it. She seemed quite understanding.
I hope a dietician will be understanding and not just focus on weight loss.
I KNOW how to lose weight healthily. I'm just not doing it healthily.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
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