i'm a broken record (i'm a cliche)

[Bayr]

sorry. i have nowhere to complain. i'm sorry.

i'm at that point where nothing helps. nothing seems to be going right. i'm failing tests, my grades are down. missing school because i can't. wake. up. i think about death all the time now. i carried around means to kill myself for a few weeks. i had to split it apart because people saw the little container though. cutting myself doesn't even seem like it would help. when i do it i just don't feel anything. empty. nightmares are starting up again. the only time i feel good is when i have a dreamless, black sleep. the thought of going back to school is giving me anxiety that i don't know how to cope with.
it seems like all of the relationships i have with people are screwing themselves to garbage. i'm letting everything fall apart. i can't care, i don't know how to hold on. i just want to sleep. nothing matters anymore. and the funny thing is that i'm terrified after all of that. i don't care but i'm so scared everyday. of everything.

but this is normal, right?

[((deleted))]

That depends how you define normal. These feelings are very normal for someone who is depressed. And be reassured that they will pass and you can get through them. I felt exactly the same way a few years ago, and my grades went down so I didn't manage to get into the university I wanted. At the time that felt like the end of the world, but I found another route that meant I could still go to the same university but part-time, doing the course at a much lower intensity which is much better for me, even though it means it will be longer before I get my degree.

I think what I'm trying to day is don't give up hope. I don't know what stage of your education you are at, but even though this may effect your education, there are always other ways of doing it.

I would encourage you to stop carrying the means to kill yourself with around with you. It gives a little more time for impulsive urges to pass if it you don't have it with you

[xxhappydaysxx]

Hey,

I am sorry to read that things are so overwhelming. You don't need to apologise for posting, we are here to support you.

I wonder if you have spoken to anyone about how much you are struggling? It sounds like everything is very difficult, and it may help to have some support, maybe professional but also from people around you.

[freakangel]

Hey there I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so much at the moment, things must be hard and overwhelming. It is important to remember there are few things in life that are permanent, and death is one of them. These feelings of depression and despair and anxiety will pass with time. I think it sounds like you need to talk to somebody. Do you have a family member or counselor you could talk to about what is going on in your life? It might make things easier for you to have somebody to talk to. Have you thought about asking for extra accommodations at school? It might be helpful to get you out of your rut you seem to be in with school. I hope you are able to continue to try to be strong. If you ever need anything I am here, take care.

[PassedExpectations]

it sounds very confusing to not care about anything but at the same time be scared of it... i wonder if any of your fear is that even if you try, it won't be enough for things to get better. there was a while when i was really depressed and stopped going to classes, and hated myself for not going, but was so worried that my best efforts to go to class and study and all that wouldn't be enough to get me back on track that i just continued not going at all... i just didn't want to be proved right that i couldn't cope with it even if i tried. the funny thing is though, when i did finally go back, my efforts were more than enough in the end. it was really tough, but it all paid off... none of my fears were realized...