Thanks Mary, unfortunately she doesn't see that which makes it doubly hard to ask her for help because I know it just makes her see me as a child each time. I do
My mental health team who I had asked for evidence about housing just discharged me with no no mention of that.
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
I'm feeling horrible about having THE CONVERSATION with my mother but she and my brother are thinking about where we are going to move to soon and I feel horrible. I literally feel as if a part of me will die if I have to continue living with mothership once my Doctorate starts again but they are going to ask why and I won't be able to explain it to them, at least in a way they'll understand or accept
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
Is there anyone you can contact about evidence for the housing? Maybe an email/a call can sort that issue.
That must be incredibly difficult.
Is there any type of advocacy available that can help you prep for that conversation or maybe even mediate? Might be good to have a third party in that conversation who is not tied up in the emotional aspect of it.
Lana I queried the discharge letter today and it felt a little bit like they were trying to palm me off onto other places that you can self-refer to because they said I had been discharged now. I did explain that the discharge letter was a surprise to me and that there were things they had promised to do which they hadn't, She said she will email the person who is handling my referral (remember it was the person who promised to ring me at Comicon but didn't) but she also asked me to try and get my GP to reopen the referral
In other news my mother pressed me on what I was doing in the library today and I revealed that I was looking for places for myself. We got into quite a slanging match where I said she was destroying and suffocating me and she said I was living in a fantasy world and I was going to mess up and she knows me and sees that is going to happen.
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
I really hope something will come of it and that they will sort out some evidence for you. Well done for chasing them on that, really proud of you for fighting for this.
I've shared my thoughts on the fallout with your mom elsewhere but also wanted to add that even IF you failed at living on your own (which I don't think you will) - you have the right to at least try it and experience how it will go for you.
I can't imagine how effing distressing the argument must have been for you but I am glad you stood your ground (metaphorically speaking). You can do this Kiran, and you have a lot of people in your corner to support you every (again, metaphorical) step of the way. There's a lot of things that you will have to do yourself and that will require you to be brave but the emotional aspect of it all - you are not alone with that at all.
Thanks lovely Lana. We've had another conversation and it was still hard but we were calmer. It's difficult as when mum and my brother leave they will have no where to go. I'm splitting up the family. My mental health team are abdication responsibility and not supporting my housing application.
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
I am glad you managed to talk it over with less emotional distress. It was always gonna be difficult I guess but more manageable if people are willing to actually listen to you.
They are adults and it is on them, not you, to find somewhere to live. I get being worried about it but hope you manage to focus on your own needs instead.
I am sorry to hear your mental health team are being so unhelpful. Did they give a reason for not supporting you with this? Is there anyone you can complain to who can advocate for you as you need the evidence?
Not entirely sure about the advocacy. The mental health woman suggested social services but I'm not sure if that is possible. She seemed like she didn't care much about it. There is a possibility to speak to the manager of the team, not sure how I feel about that though.
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
I think that talking to the manager of the team could be a good idea - and asking for a referral to social services can't hurt, right? It's really daft that they've separated 'social care' from 'mental health', but they can still work together. I'm sorry they're being shit and unsupportive.
You're doing so much amazing work here Kiran, honestly I think you're brilliant. I know that doesn't make it any easier but you deserve credit for all that you've done to build the life you want.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Thanks Lio. I really needed to hear that
I'm doubting all my feelings. Do I really need to do this?
I'm scared (which I will be)
I'm looking at a flat tomorrow and I have no idea what I'm doing? Am I stupid?
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
You're definitely not stupid. Moving out sounds like it could be fantastic thing for you and something that may be difficult, but would definitely be within your capabilities. Good luck with the viewing!
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Also don't forget, viewing doesn't necessarily mean you have to make any decisions right away! They often try to push you into it, but it's totally okay to say you need some time. At the very least going to viewings gives you a chance to see what options there are, see how you feel about it, and give you a feel for what you might like and/or dislike and can afford.
We usually have a list of things we find high priority and can't do without, and things that we absolutely can't have which helps us narrow things down quite a bit. You may not have that yet other than needing it to be wheelchair accessible, but if you need help thinking of some sorts of questions to ask or things to think about feel free to post and I'm sure those of us who have moved a few times can try to offer some advice?
If it helps to know, you usually just go in and look around, sometimes they'll hand you a paper about the place (though less common these days), and then you're free to ask any questions. We usually ask for the application link or paperwork while there, just so if we do decide we are interested we don't have to get back in touch to ask.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Nothing really to add to what the others have said but I just wanted to say, from my limited ‘K exposure’, ‘stupid’ is the last thing I would call you! You deserve to be happy and have your independence and all the wonderful things that can come with it. But don’t feel pressured to take the flat if it isn’t right either! Viewing a few is common. Good luck tomorrow x
Well those flats weren't quite right - well one was super lovely but unaffordable if I'm being really honest with myself but it's helped me narrow down location and price and there are some flats that look good that I'm arranging viewings for.
My brother has expressed a wish that we all stay together for a year in Tunbridge Wells and he says if I move out then I'm dead to him.
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
What your brother said isn't OK. You deserve your independence - it's not like you're planning to disappear from their lives you just need your own space and your own life working towards the goals you are so passionate about.
I hope that a suitable place comes up soon and you can begin this exciting new journey <3
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
