When your trauma comes to smack you in the face

[[Luna]]

I take my son to a mother and toddler group on thursday mornings. It's run by the church my wife grew up in. I really enjoy it.

Pre-covid it used to be a creche run by volunteers from the church while the mums went in a different room and had coffee/socialised with other mums. During covid it just became a play group where the mums supervised because the voluneers were usually elderly women but they are trying to bring it back to its original format.

Yesterday morning my year 1 teacher from primary school walked in. She was doing a trial to be a volunteer.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Abuse

When I was 4/5 years old, this teacher went on long term leave and the supply teacher sexually abused me. When she returned she was horrible to me. She would call me names, say I was boring, would mock me because I was terrified to talk to her and generally made me miserable.

I'm struggling with dissociation right now but long story short she's planning to start volunteering in January and I have a lot of big emotions hitting me and I'm sure it sounds stupid. I had more to say but I'm getting too spacy so will just leave it here.

[Elmer]

I really don’t want to not reply, and I want you to know my heart is hurting for you. I can’t think of anything helpful to say but I hope you are looking after Little You and I really hope this situation can be resolved so you still have this safe space. <3

[Unbreakable.]

I love you ❤️

That's a very shitty and upsetting situation.
I echo everything Lio said.

[Zurg]

Sometimes i really want to give people the benefit of the doubt but also sometimes i can't help thinking whether they actually deserve it…. Being horrible to a child when you're an adult is close to unforgivable in my opinion. That being Said, people do change and sometimes even for the better. I hope that has been the case with your old teacher.

Did she recognise you?? Probably not. Would you feel comfortable if she does?? Would you be able to attend the group even if she'll be there as Well??? Luna, i am not sure if you would feel comfortable doing this, but maybe let someone else who is in charge know that you might struggle a bit with her around, just so soomeone is aware and can check in with you. You don't have to give all the information if you don't feel okay with that, maybe just say that she brings back some memories of a difficult time…??.

It's not okay if you lose one of your safe places because of this!!!! I understand it can be hard to attend, i Think anyone would understand that if they knew the same things you've told us.
What happened back then was NOT your fault!!! An adult betrayed your trust and another adult let you down majorly. They failed to protect you which was basically their number one priority.
I understand being angry, disappointed and scared and a million other things right now. There is no right or wrong Way to feel!!!! Whatever you may feel and Think is valid!!!!

Be kind to yourself. Let others be kind to you too. The kindness can be a stepping Stone to healing the child inside that was hurt so badly.