What is that side of yourself criticising right now, Katie? What would you say if someone else on RYL was saying those things about themselves?
Is having time to rest helping, or are you beating yourself up over needing it at all? (I ask, as I know I am prone to doing this).
Do try to remember that it is natural for the body to reflect the emotions inside. That it is normal to need rest, especially when processing complex emotions - there is nothing wrong with it. I am glad your managers themselves have said this to you.
You are a fantastic human being, Katie... I do not think the thing you need to work upon is 'becoming' a real human being... more 'realising' and 'accepting' that you already are.
*safe hugs*
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Yep, self critical part has got stirred up. Through what my colleague said, and Pomegranate's question touching a really raw spot. I'm feeling more tenderness now from just having had today's therapy session.
I know I'm lonely. I don't want to be. Yet how do I get out of that prison?
I disagree with the GP. Animal work would be sociable as there will be other people around to talk to. Just stroking and caring for an animal will make you feel better. That's why they have pets for therapy. If you like dogs volunteer to be a dog walker. You will meet loads of people and you can chat if you want to. If you like cats go help out at a rescue. They'd love to have someone.
Thanks.
I.. don't know. Right now I'm having a hard time seeing anyone accept me. This happens when I crawl into a corner in my mind when I feel in any way unsafe. It takes some navigating and managing. My confidence is so easily knocked. I'm working on building it up though.
I felt ok through the night and when I first got up, but now I'm feeling insecure and everything again.
Our landline phone wasn't working for a while this morning. Turns out it was still re-charging, and it's fine now. But it still sent me into a panic mode, of feeling cut off etc.
Flipped out at a man in Tescos who was standing too close to me and then tried to move my stuff down for me, when I was peeved at having to move it all - the belt wasn't working. Katrina-me gave him a piece of her mind. *ashamed* I stood there shaking as I packed my stuff. Checkout guy to do him credit just carried on calmly and treated me respectfully. Security guard nearby spoke to the man who'd upset me. I don't know what he said. Scared they were going to section me or punish me. But they just left me in peace.
Trying not to 'beat myself up' for the whole thing.
I'd barely been out - only to therapy - since Tuesday afternoon, so I guess that didn't help.
It's hard when I feel so sleepy and strung out, and my eyes feel all heavy and blurry. It's hard to perceive and judge distance. I guess this is a part of the separation anxiety stuff, too.
I'm home now until work tomorrow morning. My flatmate was going to Ikea with her son and asked me along. If I'd been feeling stronger I would have done. Just. Ikea queues are not great when you're feeling fragile. Any queues, but trollies full of sharp, pokey, large and can hurt me things [don't laugh] freak me out at the best of times.
I'd feel greedy for starting a new thread. But talking only to myself here feels exposing and uncomfortable. I don't want to be/feel totally alone with all the feelings. It's hard.
I am back at work today. I'm partly looking forward to being busy. But I feel wobbly still, and quite intensely so since yesterday evening again. My mind keeps doing anxious double flips on me with all kinds of anxieties/worries.
