dysphoria is awful (LGBTQ)

jaythejester · 27-11-2023, 01:50 AM

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here before but I am trans. I was born a girl but now I'm a boy. recently the disconnect between my body and my brain feels so much more overwhelming. I have to stare at the ceiling when I get dressed in the morning because if I catch a glimpse of what I actually look like without a binder, I'll cry for hours or just zone out for the entire day. I have to do the same when I shower too. I've talked to a few friends about it but they either don't understand what I'm saying or just laugh like it's some relatable joke.

it's difficult to shower because I have to take off my binder, and it's hard for me to take off my binder before bed, which means I've been overbinding almost every day. it's so overwhelming, and I feel like a stranger in my own body. I never really learned how to cope with any of this. any advice is greatly appreciated.

Auror. · 27-11-2023, 09:34 PM

we sometimes change/shower in the dark if needed. and cover up mirrors. it isn't ideal long term. can also shower in swim wear or a separate shower binder if absolutely necessary, but make sure a binder is at least a size or two bigger as taking off wet binders is... a task.

otherwise just working on accepting that there is no right trans body. you can be just as trans without any medical intervention. and if that is something you want to explore in the future, taking as good of care of your body as you can for now is the best you can do, so that you can be in a place to make those changes when possible.

can also think about things from a neutral perspective if body positivity feels too impossible. like just working on going with your body is what it is, and trying to go with it as is even if as is is not the ideal. unsure how to word that better.

t did help us temporarily, but we aren't on t anymore. but it was actually easier for us to access t than it has been to access surgeries. think you might be a minor so that might not be an option now but could be in the future.

jaythejester · 28-11-2023, 04:00 AM

I think my chest may be too large for the shower binder thing to work, but I'll give it a try. I've also tried trans tape which was kind of helpful but I'm not super good at applying it, and I don't have the money to get another roll right now (I'll probably spend my x-mas money on another roll). with the size of my chest, I do meet (and greatly surpass) requirements for a medical breast reduction, which would be great if my mom even let me talk to my doctor about it. I'm in Kansas so it's basically impossible to get on t, especially because my bio-dad is in a different state, and very unsupportive. I probably won't be able to start t until I'm 19.

Indigo. · 30-11-2023, 02:10 PM

Something that's helped me a lot has been finding community - RYL has been that (met lots of queer and trans people here when I was young!) but also specifically queer and trans community. Where I live there are some online community spaces as well as some more local meeting groups, including for queer youth. Could you try to find that? Not sure if in-person stuff is accessible in your state, but online community is good too if not. I grew up in a very LGBTQ-phobic place so I empathise.

I know it won't mean your dysphoria is gone, but it helps more broadly.

Are there things that bring you gender euphoria? Since you have to wait for gender affirming care, it could help in the meantime to focus as much as you can on those things <3

jaythejester · 02-12-2023, 10:16 PM

there is a lgbt crisis center that's more of a second home for queer youth in my town. I spend most days there after school as opposed to going home. they've helped me a lot honestly, with lgbt stuff and just generally with life stuff. once I turn 18, many other options open up in terms of community.

jaythejester · 06-12-2023, 04:30 AM

it took me a while to get a binder a few sizes too big, but it helped a lot when showering! it was difficult to take off, but not impossible. also in terms of gender euphoria, my stretched/gauged ears are a big part of that for me. I did size up 2 days ago which helped a bit. I appreciate the advice!

Auror. · 06-12-2023, 05:58 AM

that's good news re the binder! yea wet binders are not fun lol. but glad it was helpful.

jaythejester · 14-12-2023, 03:29 PM

sorry to bump, but I'm getting a roll of trans tape for Yule and I'm very excited! I was helping Katie (director of a local lgbt youth non-profit) buy trans tape for the house for Christmas (we get a lot of gifts for the house at Christmas so the youth can open gifts) and it turns out someone donated a whole lot of money for her to get personal gifts for individual kids, and I was one of them! I'm getting a roll of trans tape, and I think that will help a lot with everything!