Therapy yesterday was hard, I’m still triggered by it. I’ve tried all my usual distractions and am out of ideas - currently sat on my sofa with my big oodie on and my teddy but I’m feeling unsafe. I haven’t hurt myself in years and I’m not about to start again but I don’t know what else to do.
I FaceTimed her for a little bit and she put Soot on camera so that has cheered me up a bit :). She would have come round but she said she was waiting for my birthday presents to get here between 6 and 7, she said she’d come round after that if we still wanted her to.
We are glad you got to see Soot virtually! Do you think you will be okay until then? Also just thinking, do you have a way to contact your therapist human to let them know you are this triggered?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Yes, its already 6.25 here. By the time I make dinner and have a shower, she’ll be here.
I don’t know about contacting her out of hours. I am allowed to text her about appointment times and stuff, but I moght just send an email to the general support line rather than break any potential rules.
Okay, very glad you will be able to have some support this evening.
Re therapist human, we weren't necessarily suggesting you needed out of hours support unless you think you do. More so just thinking that she should know that whatever you talked about was that triggering for you so she knows how to help more moving forward.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Only if it will help. Do whatever safe things you need to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Worst Witch
I hope you’re feeling better today maii.
Therapy yesterday was hard, I’m still triggered by it. I’ve tried all my usual distractions and am out of ideas - currently sat on my sofa with my big oodie on and my teddy but I’m feeling unsafe. I haven’t hurt myself in years and I’m not about to start again but I don’t know what else to do.
Thank you and today seemed to be better, but now I'm not sure looking in retrospect. My mood was a bit more lifted if that makes sense. Thank you one_step_closer and I will do what I need to be safe.
Therapy is always traumatic and I wonder if I"ll continue when my insurance runs out next month as I'm not on the dole.
OK, I just now discovered this thread. I recently dug up an old thread because I wanted to add to it and didn’t think it was worth starting a whole new thread. In retrospect, that may have been the worse asnow people may feel like they have to read the entire thread just to get to my most recent post, and some of the posts are almost a year old on the original thread. So here goes nothing, here’s more or less a repeat of something I posted in the general support page:
I truly believe with every fiber in my being that I am a waste of life and don’t belong on this earth. At this point, I’m not even sure anything can change my thoughts on the matter.
What does one do when they are alive but they really shouldn’t be? What does one do when the only thing they are is a completely professional failure? How does one live who doesn’t deserve to live? How does one continue to exist on this earth when they don’t belong here?
Why am I even still breathing when I’m already 90% dead on the inside?!
I’m sorry I’ve been such a failure and a waste of time and space!
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I don’t know where it’s coming from. If I did, I would be able to unravel it I think. I just honestly 100% believe it to be true every fiber in my being. I’ve got 35 years of life and nothing to show for it. I really feel like I don’t belong here. Hell, I was a mistake to begin with!
I’m not really sure what to do or how to change or help myself. I’m just posting out of desperation at this point. I guess maybe I just need some sign that I belong here? I just need some minuscule thing to prove that I’m worth it? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m just guessing.
Sometimes I feel guilty just bing alive when other people, people who are successful, worth it, and have a purpose, are dying!
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Sort of.There’s actually pressure from the outside, specifically my father. Also, plenty of interior pressure too. I’m not exaggerating when I say I am a complete failure who screws up EVERYTHING I do And how good I am at failing and screwing up. Jobs, relationships, friendships, simple tasks you name it!
If only there was a way I could make a living out of screwing up my life and other peoples lives!
Also, I’m somebody with no real support who is a constant burden to other people. Like I said, I’m just a waste of space and I really shouldn’t be alive and I truly believe that. I’ve hurt and negatively affected so many other people too!
I wish I could give my life to somebody else, somebody terminally ill or something. Exchange my life and we’ll being for theirs. It’d be the most useful thing I could ever do and I’d actually be worth something for a change.
Sorry…..just rambling at this point. I hope I’m making at least a little bit of sense
Edit: also, sorry about taking up so much space on this thread. I realize this is already my 3rd post….
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 18-05-2023 at 05:32 PM.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Does it help to write things down? Maybe you'd get a bit of relief from writing in the ranting and venting forum. What happens to make you 'screw things up.' Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself and that makes things feel too overwhelming to manage.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I get fired from jobs, I get broken up with in romantic relationships, I’ve ruined more friendships in my lifetime then I care to count. I’ve even squandered some familiar relationships. Like I’ve said before, screwing up, it’s really a specialty of mine. It’s a talent. Honestly, in some ways I’m kind of impressed with myself. If only there was a way to turn it into a career.
Every time I start to make some progress in life and dig myself out of a hole I end up right back where I started or worse. I have no direction in life and no career and I have no associates. I’m a complete loner with nothing and with nobody! I have no friends or anything. Seriously no one in this world cares about me! Eventually I stopped caring for myself.
Perhaps I’m being too hard on myself, but I literally have nothing to show for my 35 years of existence on this earth. I will try writing things down though that feels like a good idea. Thank you.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
