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Old 15-09-2020, 09:22 PM   #1
Darkwings44
 
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the shattered life (major trigger warning: sh,abuse, sucide)

the shattered life
by: darkwings44
( this story is also on my wattpad )
https://www.wattpad.com/story/241012550
chapter 1

as the sun was rising its bright light had not yet rose enough to fill its light in my still dark as night room with its light. As i got dressed i tried not to think of what i was. As i got my backpack ready for school my mom called me for breakfast "ok! im coming mom thank you!!!!" i said. As i was lost in my thoughts my dad yelled out" quit staring at your food and be normal for once!!! Do you want to to go back in the hospital??! huh!!!" i shook my head no... with its lock downs, its rules and hurtful people.... i dont want to go back in the hospital... not now and not ever......

After i ate breakfast i got my favorite music on my headphones and got on my black as despair and sliver as a razorblade bike and as i rode off to school i thought of what it would be like if i disappear into nothingness no more sadness, no more emptiness, no more hiding behind fake smiles and fake happiness, no more hurt...... but most of no more life.......just me fading away in the abyss of death.......

As i entered the classroom for 4th period the whispers filled the room. then all eyes targeted me. i started to walk to my seat.. then all of a sudden i felt someone trip me and i fell down to the ground. "ha ha ha! Have a nice time at hospital freak!!!" said one kid "every one of us knows what you did to yourself!!!!!" said another kid "try harder next time you just might die! we all hope you do!!!!" said yet another one..... Fighting back the tears from my eyes i stood up just then the teacher walked in the class and said "everyone quiet please. class is starting." i went to the back of the class... i sat in my desk and laid my head against the cold hard wall and once again was lost in my thoughts........

when the bell rang i slowly joined the ocean of people in the hallways while most of them go to lunch i went to the only place i felt safe..... the library. with all of its shelves of many books and its hiding places to go read its the only place where im not bothered by people. As i got all my favorite books some of them slipped out of my hands and fallen to the ground. i felt so stupid that i messed up again... "hey need any help with your books?" someone softly asked i replied" yeah...... um sure..." unsure of the motives behind the question, usually people dont talk to me here except for the librarians they so nice to me here.....

As she picked up the books she smiled shyly and said "my name is kaci what is your name?" i couldn't believe how beautiful she was!!! she was a medium girl with long brown curly hair with a black streak at the left side of her hair and she was wearing black long sleeves and black pants on "um....hi im zoey...... " i said quietly. "Do you mind if i look at your books?" she asked "sure!" i said gladly this was the first time I've seen another person like the same books as me!

"which ones?" i asked "this one thats my favorite book..." she said. i replied" its mine too!!! i think that the ending is quite puzzling though because the reader doesnt truly know what happens to the main character in the end..." "me too!!! although im leaning towards the ending being death why wouldnt the character do it!!! for one i know how it is be hurt by people everyday..... its pure hell......" while she said those last words i saw the same pain in her eyes as i do my own "look... youre not alone im also being hurt by alot of people everyday...... have you heard of east brooks hospital? i asked full of determination of making sure she doesnt feel alone as i do right now but also fear that she may not be who she says that she is....... "yes......... i went there for depression...... a few years ago why?"

"i also was there for a month then i went to the excel center of friends shade for out patient group therapy a few weeks ago because i failed at my death" i told her she then wrapped me in her arms in a big hug i think that i found my new safe place in her arms then suddenly the bell rang "hey lets get each others phone number" she said quickly getting out her phone.. i did as well after we got each others number we both said goodbye and with that i not only left with books i left with the only friend i have.....


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 15-09-2020 at 10:23 PM. Reason: added more to it


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Old 16-09-2020, 12:39 AM   #2
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Well done! Your story line is easy to follow and it’s clear you really connect with your characters and their experience on a personal level. Maybe work on your grammar and sentence structuring in order to develop it further?





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Old 16-09-2020, 02:13 AM   #3
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thank you so munch!!!! *hugs you*
ill try!! =)



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Old 16-09-2020, 12:07 PM   #4
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It sounds really good and progressional, how much have you written so far



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 16-09-2020, 03:35 PM   #5
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thank you!!!
ive written alot so far i wanted to shorten the chapter so i could post more ahead of time!!


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 16-09-2020 at 04:20 PM. Reason: changed a word


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Old 16-09-2020, 08:46 PM   #6
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UPDATE! im working on chapter 2 (its going to be a very triggering one so be safe ok?)



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Old 18-09-2020, 05:22 PM   #7
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FINSHED CHAPTER 2
but due to content i think that its best if ya'll read it on watt pad..
heres the link

https://www.wattpad.com/954050112-th...-knife-beckons


very triggering



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Old 23-09-2020, 08:12 PM   #8
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UPDATE! working on chapter3 ok?
it wont be as triggering as chapter 2 was I promise!!!!!!!!!!


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 23-09-2020 at 08:55 PM. Reason: added more to it


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Old Yesterday, 12:10 AM   #9
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Personally I didn’t find it triggering hun and I wouldn’t worry about that. Trigger warnings are good so people can make their own decisions but don’t worry about expressing yourself





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Old Yesterday, 01:33 AM   #10
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ok im going to add chapter2 to here thank you!!



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Old Yesterday, 01:39 AM   #11
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chapter2

VERY TRIGGERING!!!!!! DONT READ IF EASYLY TRIGGERED!!!!!
The following content has been hidden - Reason : just to be safe
after school i went to my bike i saw a long small box on the seat of my bike as i opened it i saw a small retractable box cutter knife with a note wrapped around the knife said "why dont you cut with this my toy!!!! " as the fear surged inside of of my veins and throughout my body as i look for the one person who has tormented me all these years but no one was there...... and all i can think about is how she has told me that in many different ways that my mom wanted me dead! maybe just a few little ones that's all I'll do.. no i cant and how she made me feel like a little piece of dung how she spreaded rumors that hurted me! How she turned most of the school against me and got them to bully me as well...... i want to bleed so badly... no i cant..... i cant.... how everyday in the hallways she would call me a whore and a slut even though i always try not to show skin by wearing long sleeved shirts, a jacket and baggy jeans covering my body up to my neck but mainly all i think about is how right she was!!! everyone does wants me dead!!!!!!!! i am a little slut!!!!!! i am a little whore!!!!!!! everything that they said was true!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!. why else would they say what they said!!!!!! WHY!!!!?? ****IN WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????? I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i quickly put the knife in my pocket and got on my bike and rode as fast as i could to the park near the school and went to the restrooms and grabbed the knife and pulled up my right arm sleeve and revealed sad, self hateful, lonely, angry, hopeless, guilty looking scars going in all directions... cut after cut after cut my thoughts inside of my trapped mind screamed out WHY DONT YOU JUST DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !???????? I slashed myself over and over and over again until the calmness washed over me in waves and the screams in me of self hate quieted down to a whisper......

only after i cut i realized that these cuts aren't little or a few either so i dressed the wounds on my right arm with left over supplies in my backpack. i put the blade back in my pocket and pulled down my right arm sleeve once again hiding the iceberg of my real emotions beneath the water showing the fake happiness and the fake im fine! side of the iceberg on top....... i then decided to take a walk and think.... as i was walking and lost in thought i heard my phone ring from a text message that i got. its from a person who i was not expecting.... kaci

kaci: hey you alright? <3 im worried about you = /

zoey: im fine!!! see =) =) =)!!!!!!!!

kaci: i saw you rode away from school today..... what happened? you looked like something was wrong = /

zoey: you saw me? =(

kaci: yeah..... i did hun.. come to the parking lot. ok? please... lets go hang out and talk.... <3

zoey: .............um ............ok. =(

kaci: thank you so munch! =)

then i put my phone back in my pocket and while i walked to the parking lot of the park i was full of fear and questions... what do i do? what am i suppose to say? that i went to the park to self harm??? no!!!!! she will probably freak out and talk about it to people later on!!!!! there's no way that she will understand............ no one does ..............

when i got to the parking lot she was standing beside a black Volkswagen Tiguan searching for me i waved at her and when she saw me her beautiful brown eyes shown true concern as soon as i was near she hugged me and asked "hey zoey... are you up for some coffee and some poetry? my treat..." i said quietly "ok I'm going to call my mom to let her know that im going with you and I'll be home later ok?" "ok!!" she said happily

after i talked to my mom and she approved pf it.. kaci and me managed to get my bike into the back of her vehicle then we got into the car i asked "where are we going out to?" "we're going to the dark moon café.. they have the best white chocolate mocha ever! and every Wednesdays they have open mike night so i hope you like poetry" she said i replied "i love white chocolate mocha and poetry!!!!!!!!! "im glad sweetie!!!!" she happily said as we went to the dark moon café together...




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Old Yesterday, 10:33 PM   #12
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UPDATE CHATER 3!!!!!!!!!!
the shattered life
chapter3 dark moon café
link to song playing in the background of car ride
(https://youtu.be/YTvIG6gHMh0 )


as we got to the café she looked up at the table where two boys were sitting and i was scared of being bullied again but i looked at Kaci and she reassured me that everything was going to be okay so I sat down with them and we ordered our coffee then one of the boys asked "what's your name?" I responded quietly "um...Zoey" "have you ever been to the dark moon café Zoey?" I shook my head no then one of the boys who had short black dyed purple hair who wore a dark grey hoodie said" you came over on a good day Kaci is going to read her poetry on the mike tonight. I'm Dante Andrews and by the way that's Damien Anderson" he said pointing to the other boy the had brown medium short white dyed patched hair who was also wearing a olive green jacket then suddenly the first announcement of the person to speak in open mike night was heard.. it was Kaci as her beautiful name was being called everyone snapped their fingers and when place finely got quiet she began speaking......

"hear me by kaci

hear me as i walk though this dark endless night
hear me as your words burn my heart like a cattle brand
hear me as all my pain is put on mute like a t.v. with no sound
hear me as the swirling darkness overcomes me
hear me as the silence engulfs me whole
CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

thank you all for listen......"

as she finished reading her poetry i was so awe struck by the way that the word were said and written so powerfully because i could tell that she was bearing her very soul with each word that was flawlessly spoken....... she came to the table and asked everyone "so what do you all think about it?" "little sis i think we all agree that it took alot of courage and you are truly amazing!!" Damien said and we all did agree with what he had said... i for one would be scared if i ever had to show my poems to someone in real life.. let alone a café full of people!!!

"thanks everyone i really needed that!!!" she said with tears in her eyes... as i watched the love and support of her family and friends flowing out from their hearts i couldn't help but think of wanting to be their friends too........ "i know you all don't know me very well but i was just wondering if we could be friends?"....... i was fully expecting them to laugh in my face because thats what most people do... i was preparing for the onslaught of laughter but then they did something that was different then what i had know people to do..... they all said "of course you can!!!!!!!" "really? thank you so much!!" i said as i joyfully hugged each of them. as we began to talk about life... i learned alot about them. like they were all in advancement placement classes and all met each other in different ways Kaci and Damien were brother and sister he is a freshman in collage studying to be a writer but since they are each others favorite family members they hang out together alot when he's home from school Damien and Dante met while in school and while im learning about them i start doing what i really didnt expect me to do.. tell them about me i told them a tiny bit about my hospital stay... but not all of it.... not about the only one who knows the real me...... definitely not about her...

as the time grows from day to night and our coffee went from full to empty we all part way me with Kaci and the two boys Dante and Damien by themselves "bye!" i said happily after i got in Kaci's car and told kaci my address i put on my seatbelt then we both sat in wordless silence with only the song cover in the background which was one of my secretly favorites until she says "no matter what.....i want you to know that im going to understand what youre going through and if i don't............... i will try my hardest to understand and also my ears are always here to listen to you but only if you're ready ok?" she looked at me with such a powerful galaxy filled with compassion and empathy that it rendered me speechless all i could was nod..

as i was lying on my bed i was thinking about the events of today i realized that kaci spoke like her... like rainbow wings today in her car!! so i tried calling her but she didnt answer her phone... while my mind raced like a speeding car on a racetrack with thoughts of how similar they were but soon after my thoughts calmed down after realizing that although they were similar they were also different rainbow wings was---- all of a sudden interrupting my thoughts my phone rang with a text from kaci

kaci: hey zoey sorry i didnt answer my phone when you called i was finshing some homework

(i had to think of something fast or else she would think something was wrong so i quickly texted back..)

zoey: im sorry to bother you but i was just wondering how you were after the café today?

kaci: im doing ok.. i just have alot on my mind lately ok sweetie? thanks for careing about me <3

(now i was curious about what she was thinking so i texted back)

zoey: like what sweetie?

kaci: everything and nothing at the same time but i dont want to talk about the details but thanks for asking though <3

Zoey: your welcome! meet me at the library tomorrow at lunch?

kaci: sure i will sweetheart! <3

zoey: you have the sweetest heart of all kaci <3

kaci: you too hun!! <3 *hugs you* good night!

Zoey: *hugs you too*

the next mourning at school i was in the hallways and i saw kaci in cozy looking grey arm warmers and black shirt with black jeans but instead of her smiling she was crying i said nothing and i hugged her and she hugged back we held each other without saying a word untill she calmed down and told me that two kids had done to her in the restrooms.... one forced her down while the other pulled out his dick and forced her to lick it but she didnt tell me who they were or why those monsters did or what happened afterwards though. but still i wanted to hunt them down and unleash hell upon them but i wanted to be there for her even more so i held her in my arms and reassured her that everything was going to be ok while secretly thinking about a way to open a gateway to the deepest depths of hell and throw those bastards in there.

as the bell rang we were forced to let go of each other "do you want me to walk you to your class? "i asked her "yeah id like that" she said smiling i love her smile! it was at that moment that i decided that i would show her a little fragment of my hidden shattered heart but i would do so in the place where we began.... so through the hallways to her class

we walked side by side and....

hand in hand


Last edited by Darkwings44 : Today at 03:48 PM. Reason: added more to it


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Old Today, 08:56 PM   #13
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UPDATE! im working on the next chapter!!!!!!!!!



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