Hi, I don't know if people loook at this thread much. I could start a thread but... I dunno.
I thought I didn't dissociate any more. Truth is, I'm never not disssociated. Or somewhere on that spectrum. I don't have severe symptoms - don't come around in places not knowing how I got there, don't have other identities etc. And I mostly behave 'normally' and can keep safe.
It's just. I don't know how to explain. I am so disconnected all the time. People look 2D to me, as do I. I am living ten mins walk from my home atm, at my mum's, with my partner. But even though I am only ten mins away, my home, home town, usual life, all the people in it... do not exist. I have missed all appts this last week. Whatever's normal down the road isn't now. My family and friends don't exist.
I often get my age wrong, sometimes by a decade. I get confused a lot about reality, like think I am alice in wonderland or something. So much feels weird and wrong. I change how I behave a lot, towards people, because of differences in how I experience external reality. I am numb a lot. Sometimes nothing exists outside the room I am in. I lie next to my partner of over two years and every day it's like the first time I've met him. A stranger.
Not sure how active this thread is but I could do with hearing if my experiences are normal (I mean normal for dissociation)
Does anyone else get this
- I cant read words on paper because of visual disturbances
- I see things coming out of walls
- I remember the trauma(s) as if I was watching from the outside
- sometimes I lose my hearing when dissociated
- it's exhausting trying to stay present. I have to ask for brakes a lot.
Do others experience these things?
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
I have experienced watching traumatic events as though they are happening to someone else. Once in counselling I lost my hearing and couldn't hear what my counsellor was saying just watched her lips moving but I have hearing damage so not sure if that's dissociation related.
I can definitely relate to the exhaustion of staying grounded, I think many people can identify with this.
Have you spoken to any professionals about these experiences?
I'm glad you bumped this thread as I have my own questions.
Recently I keep having periods where I become disorientated and I forget where I am/where I'm going. I forget basic things e.g. this evening I wanted to make dinner but couldn't remember where we kept the food. When this happens my thinking becomes scrambled and everything feels dream-like in a sense. In a dream things happen in a strange order and nothing quite makes sense. Time kind of takes on a life of it's own. I can't get sentences to form properly and can't express what I'm trying to do/say.
Is this a form of dissociation or something completely different? I don't know what to do about it but it's happening more and more frequently and impacting on my life more.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
Sorry for bumping this..I'm not sure anyone will read this... but I'm struggling quite a lot with dissociation and I could make a thread but that's scary and stuff so yeah...
Does anyone know how high functioning you can be while dissociated? I feel like I'm increasingly dissociated at times where I must be functioning, in serious situation where (I hate to admit this I'm sorry I feel incredibly guilty about this...) I am looking after people as a job. But I have been around others and no one has noticed, everyone is safe, but i don't remember it and am losing time. I also got an email today telling me I have an interview for a job which I don't remember applying for and also don't particularly want. I'm just a bit lost and confused. It somehow easier to accept the dissociation when I'm doing something self destructive or when it has a purpose. But now I don't even know who i am anymore or what I'm doing.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
*hugs Hannah* How are things for you lately(dissociation-wise, but not only)? xx I think it's possible to be high functioning while dissociated. Maybe you go into a kind of 'robot' mode, so you keep functioning normally, and still seeming yourself?
Hi Shay. I can really relate.(I'm Lucy btw) xx
I used to struggle quite a bit with dissociation, but it was mostly stress-related, or general depersonalisation(when my mom was ill, I wouldn't recognise myself in the mirror). I thought I'd recovered, and while I still got feelings of feeling unreal, it wasn't significant. However. lately it's been getting worse. It's too often and rather upsetting...
I'm struggling so much with my dissociation lately.I have derealisation mainly and sometimes depersonalisation.I'm in a job with high responsibility and I am high functioning normally but since I've been in counselling which started march its been getting worse the more i'm made to face my childhood.luckily my boss does know and some of my colleauges and they are fantastic! I dissociated today (again!) and went to my teacher friend so she could give me something to do to take my mind off it everything just suddenly felt so unreal and unrecognisable hate it! However this time she didn't feel unreal to me it was just my surroundings so i guess thats a bit of progress and i was just about able to drive to get my son from school without dissociating too much-I don't really know how i'm coping without having an accident to be honest! I thought of stopping counselling but everyones telling me its vital I push through especially at this point as i've already opened that can of worms :( I just don't know how to control the dissociation-anyone got any good ideas? oh and I don't generally know when its coming on.
"And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off."
I can't tell you how pleased I was to see your post, if that doesn't sound bad - obviously I'm not pleased you are feeling that way. I hope that makes sense. But please don't feel guilty, because there's at least one person who understands in part the situation you are in. I also have a job which involves looking after people in - and I don't want this to sound self-congratulatory or big headed or whatever - pretty extreme situations. I don't think we should feel bad about being able to do that while in a dissociative or otherwise bad state, in fact I'd say it's something to be proud of! But I too find myself feeling confused sometimes as to quite how I'm able to do so while seemingly on auto-pilot. It feels like a conflict, or like something I don't quite understand - and I don't like not understanding things!
More than anything, I feel a bit of a conflict because on the one hand I feel like I'm treading water and there's a part of me that can't quite believe people don't notice, and maybe even a little bit that wants to shake people and say "can't you see I'm struggling here?!" whereas at the same time I'd be utterly terrified if anyone did say anything, and even on those occasions when a colleague has made a point of saying "are you alright?" or whatever I tend to just want to run a million miles away...
Does that sound familiar? Not trying to make your post all about me - but I was so pleased to find someone who, I think, might be in a similar place.
Today, I didn't dissociate as much as usual. It doesn't help that I'm tired and hungry all the time - hence feeling faint, which makes the world more unreal(derealisation UGH).
Shay, I finally get what you were talking about. I thought you were referring to coding language, to do with programming at first!
ajrocks - I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much(I can relate with the derealisation/sometimes depersonalisation). Have you tried any grounding techniques? Not sure it's safe to drive your son to school unless you're at least a bit grounded.
Welcome, Johan. Sorry you seem to be struggling so much. xx
Apparently a good thing to do is try and focus on your senses. For instance, feel the texture of things near you, eat something with a strong taste, splash ice water on your face(this one can be particularly effective for me). Since I struggle with derealisation, it helps touching my surroundings just to check they're real. I see my hand touching them and that grounds me a bit. Something else(that I have done) is naming things; I was dissociating a lot one night, and really needed to get home, so I started naming everything(glass, wall, car, etc) which then turned into naming car brands/types. For me, it helped because it helped me focus on something, rather than drift away.
I'm sure there are other grounding techniques that may be better than what I've mentioned.
Anytime. :3 That's only what I've tried though, I'm sure there are others. I'll look it up when I can find the concentration. I don't even know whether I am dissociated or not. Finding it hard to focus on anything(including art, which is alarming). Thought for a brief moment I wasn't real. I'm thinking maybe I'm not dissociating, but hypoglycaemic, so I'm having something sweet to try and combat it(in case that's the reason I feel like this).
Shay, I have DID and find that the way the internet presents it is very different to my reality of it. I find it really quite traumatic to live with.
Not all my alters know each other and I'm sure there are some states I don't yet know.
I can't really contribute much, as I(probably) don't have DID, but I think it's quite common to not be in touch with your 'others'.
I'm guessing for some people, especially if they don't know anything about their splits, may not even realise they've got DID, or that they're dissociating. Or even if they do, they may feel just as alone as you in this, and then may not reach out? That may be why everyone on the FB group seems to know stuff? Because they're the percentage who does?
I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense...Do you know anything at all about your splits, if I may ask?
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