I haven't posted on here in a very long time, things have been up and down since June, I have had a lot to deal with and I find Christmas really hard, I had a slip up in October and haven't done anything since. My worker and the psychiatrist decided I didn't need to be on medication as I seemed able to control my emotions. I have only been working with her less than 3 months. Recently we did my crisis plan but I have an operation on Friday and she knows this and my last appointment is with her tommrow. I am very scared of how I will be as I already find Christmas a difficult time to deal with and I can become snappy and with drawn. Last time I had an operation I got very unwell and took a serious overdose and ended up in hospital. My worker knows this and she knows how I feel about this operation but she hasn't put anything in place.I know I could use the crisis team but I find them extremely unhelpful and feel that it would make things worse to talk to them. I can't talk to anyone else and I feel like if I am given medication then I will be tempted to overdose. I really need something to keep me calm and help me get through this time but I don't know if I can get anything. I am not sure what to do, I can't get like I was in march and also the recovery gets me down. I guess I'm hoping someone can help me and who will really be there. I'm worried that if I do something I will end up in the hospital and the social worker will be right back and I will mess things up for daisy, I don't think I will be able to be strong, I really don't think I can get through and if its anything like last time I was lucky I didn't die. I don't want to leave them but if it happens it happens..
Hey :)
So your psych knows about the operation and that you get really nervous. This may be a silly question, but have you spoken about the two together? Like has she linked it and how nervous you are? I know we love the think they know all about us, but they see so many people that sometimes they skip over some of the details. In your next appointment with her maybe just say how nervous you are about this operation because of how you coped last time. Then maybe just ask if you can have an appointment for in a couple weeks time just so you know she will be there if you do struggle?
But just remember that just cause thats how it ended last time it definitely doesn't mean the same has to happen again :) Maybe even just knowing that you may feel this way might help. Like, you could think of it as a symptom of the surgery rather than you struggling, so knowing it will get better in time might help you. maybe?
Try not to get too nervous though :) And I hope that you can talk about it in your appointment. Good luck :) xxx
We have spoken about it and how I feel and that I will need someone but I don't think she seems to get that I know the same thing will happen as I have had a lot of operations and similar things have always happened.... sure I will see her at the beginning of January but she has left this big gap over Christmas and its like even a phone call from her would help..
Can you try and tell her that? Ask if shes in at all over the holidays and ask if it's ok if you call her one of those days. I know it's hard when they feel like you will be ok, but if you can say it straight she might make an appointment for you :)
Can you phone her even though you haven't got an appointment till January?
Will my care team I can ring them in between appointments and if they aren't in I can speak to someone else in the department as in my area we have a response team which is different to crisis team as they work office hours.
Could you speak to your doctor about how you are feeling? If you feel like you are going to overdose I would suggest speaking to the crisis team or to go to A&E so that you can keep yourself safe.
Also could you stay with someone after the operation, or have someone stay with you so you are more likely to be safe?
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
She has really told me she won't in till January after my appointment tommrow I don't think she understands the crisis team don't and won't work with me after operations and there is no one else they always try to just brush it of that I need to recover from the shock of my operation which is not the case as if they clearly looked from the last couple of years they would see a pattern when I have my operation and I know I will be with my family over Christmas and I won't be alone after my operation as I will have my OH but there is nothing any of th can do and I don't want to upset or stress them out.. Thanks for the replies ..
also, it might be good to make a plan of how to handle the surgery? knowing what to do when the feelings hit can be a big advantage. it can be hard to think of alternatives in the moment.
i guess, you know you'll get snappy and all that after the surgery, but you also know that it will pass, just like the holiday stress. if you can keep that in mind, it might be easier to keep yourself from making decisions that would hurt you and make the good things come slower
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
So I haven't worked with my case worker for too long so all she has is what is on file but I told her how I was feeling and as she doesn't really know me obviously she is not to worried but when I had a little slip up she wasn't to worried either but however my OH's case worker was worried and she is worried about this as both my OH and my mum are worried therefore my OH worker is coming to the house on Monday to check how things are and she will be avalible to call over Christmas as she is working and she has already said she will do what ever needs to be done to help but I know that the weekend will be extremely hard and I won't feel comfortable talking to the crisis team and they are the only people avalible I am also worried as I won't have anything to keep me calm I want to try and go out for a little on Saturday but I don't know I I will be well enough and from the past expreiences I'm terrified as I really don't want things to go wrong.. I'm not sure how we can approach this weekend.. Thankyou so much for all your replies means a lot to me x
focusing on all the bad things that might happen isn't going to help you... it will actually probably make it more likely to happen again. maybe you could try to think of things that will be different, or that you can do different, so that this goes better than in the past.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
we can drag you outside for a few mins .. And hopefully you will be able to say how you feel and if worst happens we can deal with that we have just dealt with the worst things x
having to stay in bed sounds like it would be really boring... which makes it diffiuclt to keep from focusing on bad things and getting snippy. i wonder if there is any sort of project you could work on while you're having to rest that would keep you occupied and motivated...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
so she went down for her operation at 11 and said she will phone me and let me know what's happening as she may or may not be home tonight her surgeon has worried me an has upset and worried her as he said if the worst case.. But we are hoping this is gonna work or at least improve things.. wish she would update me soon and ill let you all know.. Thanks for your support guys x
