new kind of dysphoria

[jaythejester]

I have (almost) dealt with one dysphoria problem, and a new one pops up.

I never really had too much bottom dysphoria, I considered myself lucky for that. after I solved the over-binding issue, I was confident that I had it somewhat dealt with and I could finally push the dysphoria away from the front of my mind. nope. now the problem isn't "Do I look like a boy" it's "Do I look/act cis" which opens up a whole new unfamiliar and uncomfortable world of dysphoria.

I never really thought about it. I didn't think I'd have to until I started medically transitioning. I tried to ask my mom to buy me a packer (again still no money or job for me) and she immediately became super upset and said they were "basically adult toys" and refused to let me even show her what I found. my friend ended up ordering one for me when he got his own. they are not anatomical at all, literally just a foam half oval.

I mean it does its job and looks good enough I guess. I'm honestly not sure. this is an entirely new kind of dysphoria for me and I don't know how to deal with it or even explain it. any research I try to do is just trying to get me to buy something. I just want advice from anyone on how to deal with or cope with any of this.

I feel gross even feeling like this, I don't know why. does anyone have any resources that aren't trying to sell you something? I have never ever experienced this kind of dysphoria and it's uncomfortable and I don't know what to do.

[Auror.]

honestly a bit confused

are you saying you're struggling with bottom dysphoria or is the issue with not passing as male? or both?

like, to be honest, we get wanting to pass. but also trying to "act" cis is... would question why the traditional gender role or stereotype matters so much and feels so important to you. because to us passing and acting cis are not the same thing. is that something that might be worth (pun somewhat intended) unpacking?

also re packing. there's a lot of more realistic and anatomically correct packing options out there than what you are describing. thinking of ones like mr limpy or even a lot of the stp options too. some of them can get pricy, but for a good example of a US based company, you might look at rodeoH. we've ordered from them before and had a good experience with their products. they have packers, packing underwear, and stp devices too. might give you a better idea what's out there and price ranges.

also know you've talked about t before. bottom growth is a thing with t. it's not huge enough to be realistic and pass, but for a lot of folks that can help some.

[jaythejester]

Honestly, I think the main issue is the bottom dysphoria, but it is a bit of both. I know those stereotypes effect me more than most, bit that's a product of my "man up/act like a man" kind of upbringing.

I'll for sure look into that company. Also, what's stp?

I'm very much holding to start t as soon as I'm out of my mothers house, and as soon as insurance will make it financially an option. I'm hoping that the more medical side of transition will help alot when I get there.

[jaythejester]

Honestly, I think the main issue is the bottom dysphoria, but it is a bit of both. I know those stereotypes effect me more than most, but that's a product of my "man up/act like a man" kind of upbringing.

I'll for sure look into that company. Also, what's stp? I've been trying to do some research on my own and I've seen that term a few times but can't find what it means at all.

I'm very much hoping to start t as soon as I'm out of my mothers house, and as soon as insurance will make it financially an option. I'm hoping that the more medical side of transition will help alot when I get there.

[Auror.]

stp - stand to pee. so they look sort of like packers but they're made of different material that can easily be cleaned, and have an opening for pee to flow through and out. that way you can stand up to pee, either at a urinal (or stall) if needed in public or at home.

also if you look for a clinic that serves trans folks specifically, or look for places who have ryan white/hiv funding, they'll offer low/sliding scale cost health care and prescriptions. you can do this outside of insurance if yours doesn't cover hrt and appointments. for example, we travelled to howard brown in chicago originally, despite living in another state. my medicaid didn't work out of state, but their sliding scale fees meant i only had to pay a reduced rate for my appointment and none of the prescriptions. they were also able to put injection supplies on prescription too, like a sharps container, sterile pads, etc.. not just the needles and hrt. of course there are non injectable options of t too, so those may also be covered differently.

some needle exchange programs may also offer needles for free if that becomes an issue. it could be a good idea to look up if there are any in your area. ours didnt have the right sizes that we needed, because you need a bigger needle to draw up and a smaller one to inject with. but it's always good to scope out your options if you are planning on going with injections.