Mum24- Hugs tight. Thank you for your kind words. I can;t call crisis. Never have. Never will. I will get by.
I'm sorry your feeling alone. I am too. Shall we just keep each other company?
Katie- I can only reiterate what mum24 has said. I'm worried about you too.
Cuddles tight x
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Rachel - I'm glad you slept, even if it was only a little *hugs* you're not alone honey, we're all here <3
Roli - Sorry your CPN cancelled. Can you call her? Or your doctor again? I think you need to speak to someone.
I can't take this much longer. I don't know what's kept me fighting this long. My best friends sister who is like my little sister since my friend died...she's going through so much I don't want to let her down but I can't keep fighting for everyone else; why should I keep living in this hell to stop other people hurting? How is that fair? The only thing keeping me going is that I haven't finished my letters or my video. I don't know how to stop an of this. I just want to give up. I want it all to stop. The flashbacks are too much. I'm not sleeping because of the nightmares. I'm not strong enough anymore.
why should I keep living in this hell to stop other people hurting? How is that fair?
I totally know where your coming from with this sweetie. I really do.
So find a reason for YOU to stay. Fight for yourself. Because you deserve another chance. You deserve a future. Death is final, game over, no more chances for things to improve. You are an amazing person and I really hope you can find the strength to keep fighting.
Darling, you need to speak to someone. You really do. Letters and videos is a very very bad sign. What wil you do once those are finished? Are you just going to stop fighting then? Will that be it?
Please dig deep inside hun, find that bit of fight that is in there, even if its only tiny. Its all you need.
Its impossible for me to know how hard it is to live with flashbacks- I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you CAN fight this. Nightmares are awful, I know what an effect they can have generally because your tired with no possible relief from it.
We all care about you sweetie. We are here for you. We really are.
Stay safe, Please xx
I'm fine hun. I don't need to speak to anyone. I'm just fine.
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Roli - You're not fine. You've said so yourself. You need to talk to someone <3 I don't wanna lose you, none of us do. You deserve help through this, help and support. You don't deserve to be struggling through this alone.
I've tried looking for a reason for me to stay for me, I'm just running out. I've been here too many times before. I've written the letters before. Ten years ago I had letters written and countless times between that time and now. It's never been this final though. I know it's a bad sign...but I don't have the level of self-preservation left in order to call someone and talk about this. I have no more fight. That's why I have the date and I have the letters. There is just nothing left. Gah. Sorry.
Holds Katie tight.
You can't just give up darling. You can't. You wouldn't let any of use just give up. So I'm sure not going to let you throw in the towel.
You have been through things I can;t even begin to imagine sweetie. But you can get through this. You can have a life, a good life.
Please try to show your CPN your post. It might help. Its worth a try?! I knwo it will be so hard to do, but it could help you get the support you need and deserve.
I know you don't have the self-preservation hun, but do you think you would find the strength for just one phone call? Just one text. Anything to keep you safe.
Hugs tight. xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
*hugs Roli*
Sorry this is the last thing people need.
I'm gonna try to talk to him tomorrow...I'm just scared of what he'll say. Or that he'll think it's all my fault and that I'm...blah. Yeah.
I might try to call Samaritans...I can't call crisis because they'll put me in hospital which would mean goodbye to returning to work in a couple of weeks and I need to. At least with them I can be anonymous...
Katie... Good sweetie... Glad you're going to try to talk. Big supportive hugs. We're here for you. If you panic and can't do it, let us know and we'll talk you into it. Seriously sweetie we're here for you.
I'm confused guys. If I tell my therapist why I can't keep seeing him he may force me to somehow, cuz he thinks I'm not thinking straight. How can I get out of this?
Mum24 - you need to discuss it with him. Could you write it down before hand so you have something to read so it doesn't get jumbled? I think you need his support right now <3
Leann- How are you doing hun? Come in, take a seat, we're all struggling a little today but there is plenty of room for all. x
Mum24- Katies right (as usual of course) you really need to keep seeing your therapist. Tell him the truth hun, please. You need to try to help yourself as much as you can. Its the only way you can keep safe hun. Stay with us hun. Your safe here.
Katie- we're here for you. None of this 'this is the last thing we need' rubbish. We care about you and want to be here for you. We aren't tied to the computer supporting you at gun point (although...) we're here because we care a lot and want to help in any way we can.
I think talking to your therapist would be a very good idea hun. They are not there to judge and believe me- there is no way he could think its your fault- noone in their right mind would think that.
You were abused honey, I am so so sorry that it happened, but IT WAS NOT your fault.
Curls up. xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Yeah maybe I could write it down. Are you sure he won't think I'm losing contact with reality? I'm not. I'm really not. I just don't think he'll understand.
I think he will understand hun. As we do. I really think its important he knows, regardless of what he thinks. He will only want to help you.
I believe all of our realities differ- My reality is so very different to those around me and vise versa. I think its just important that your reality isn't going to harm you, or worse, hun. That is all he will try and gauge and help you from there.
Huggles xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
It honestly sounds like a trick. I think if I keep talking to him I'm going to die. I'm just fooling myself if I think I can handle talking to him and not getting myself in deeper trouble. I'm going to end up dead.
No your not sweetie. You have to try to believe me. It is the best thing you can do honey. He is there to help. Th voices inside your head telling you that he's not- they are the bad ones hun. They are the dangerous ones.
Hugs tightly xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Mum24 - Roli's right honey. You need to try to tell him. He'll help. The ones telling you he's dangerous are the ones who can hurt you. *hugs both of you*
Perola - I'm sorry you feel alone, we're all always here to listen if you want to talk. Is there anyone you can call for support? Do you have a doctor or therapist? *hugs*
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
