Nope, I don't have any support at all. I live alone.
And I don't know what made me feel this way... it's how I've been for the past couple of days. Maybe the anxiety (I've been very nervous all day after an over-crowded subway) triggered it, though.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
Not doing all that great hun. Won't write too much, but have injuries from yday that I don't remember doing and I'm afraid to look under the bandage...
How do you do a chain analysis DBT sheet for something you can't actually remember?
How are you hun? Truth now please :)
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Read R&V. Wish I had words. Can tell anyone? Doctor or something? Need someone to check arm out.
Can ask anyone about sheet for DBT - have DBT therapist or anything?
I is struggling - flashbacks because of writing out thing in abuse forum and suicidal thoughts are strong. Planning. Moving date forward. Can't seem to stop self. Sorry.
Hugs tight.
Thanks for the hugs- I like R&V, its helpful for me to see what the heck I wrote last night lol. Not sure about telling. Too busy planning my demise.
I have a DBT therapist- don't think she will be too pleased with the response of... "I dont know how, when, why I SH'ed I just woke up like this"
I'm sorry your struggling so much at the moment Katie. Is there someone you can tell? Did it help at all writing it down? I know it caused flashbacks but anything positive from it?
Please please tell someone about your plan and your date sweetie, we need to keep you safe. Your too special to loose. xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
First off... I'm REALLY sorry to bother you guys. I worry I'm just wasting your time on this. Basically without sugarcoating anything I have truly reached my end I have a plan. I hate myself so much for this. It's a horrible situation... If I stay alive then a certain relative will continue hurting myself (although I don't care about myself anymore) and numerous others cause I'm terrified of reporting the person... If I go thru with it then my pets will die,which hurts me so much in every possible way :'-(
I feel like i've exhausted every option I have/had. Is there any hope or secret I can't figure out on how to make it out alive? I apologize for how stupid I am
Leann- I am so sorry your feeling like this hun. Have you told anyone about your plan? You really should try to get some help. Suicide is really not the way out.
I'm sorry you feel you can't tell anyone about someone hurting you. I know its hard- but you really need to consider telling someone. They can't get away with it. I know its hard, but they will keep hurting others after you have gone. You have a chance to stop them.
There is always hope where there is life.
Please stay safe x
Katie- How are you doing today hun?
Mum24- I'm sorry, I didnt mean to hurt you. I can't stop planning. I do it all the time... How are you sweetie?
This end... My head keeps repeating that its 'Game Over'. All the time.
I told my Dr how much I was struggling... She said she would try to ring my CPN, but I'm not sure I want her too. But she wasn't impressed by my answers to her questions of telling someone how bad it is... apparently "If I get round to it" and "Yes its in my care plan to admit me if it got bad, but when exactly they choose to do that is another matter"... I am such an idiot.
These people are trying to help and I'm just a plank to them. She said "I am worried about you truth be told" hmmm- well I'm scared truth be told.
Scared about what I will do. Scared about what they will do..
Sorry to be long winded. Just have no one else.
*Curls up*
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Leann - You're not wasting anyone's time <3 I'm sorry you feel so low right now.
Roli - Well done for telling your doctor about that; you're not an idiot. I hope she does contact your CPN and that they give you a little more support right now. I'm glad she's worried about you; I am too honey.
No need to apologise - we're all here for you honey.
*massive hugs*
Katie- How are you sweetie? Have you managed to tell anyone your struggling yet? I hope your still considering it. I really don't want it to get too far.
Huge hugs xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I'm not feeling suicidal right now. But the thought is always on my mind. Constantly there, because it seems like the only way out. I started planning it out. From experience, I know it's not a good sign. So there I am, with voices screaming at me to kill myself, with me wondering why am I delaying it, and with no support at all. I'll have to carry on, like I always do. Paint a smile, make it look like I'm okay when all I want is to die.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
Roli - people should be worried, you deserve people to be worried about you <3
I'm...blah. I'm still here. I am debating asking to talk to my CPN after DBT tomorrow because group sessions always make me feel lower and I don't know how much lower I can get >.< I'm still wondering whether I should share the thing I posted in A&B forum with him though...
Niniane - I'm sorry the thoughts are plaguing you still. Can you get yourself more support? Can you speak to your doctor or care team?
Unfortunately, I can't get more support. If I ring my doc, she'll remind me that she can't do anything, and since it's a three hours ride to see her, I see her point. She'll just tell me to go to the ER, but where is the point in that ?
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
Katie- Thank you for your kind words. I just don't know if it can do any good. Thats all.
I'm sorry your still really struggling. Really sorry. I think seeing your CPN after the session would be a very good idea. It would be the safest thing to do. I also think you should share your post with him. I think it would help you both.
Is there anything good in today you think of?(I'm trying to find something worth fighting for in each day or at least something to brighten it, even for a moment)
Mega Hugs. xx
Niniane- I'm sorry that you feel so alone and your Dr can't help. Do you have access to anyone else?
ER might help hun. They will at least have someone you can talk to.
Stay safe all xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
No, I don't have access to anyone else since I'm at Uni right now. I suppose I could go see the medical staff there but I don't see myself doing that n
And I don't want to go to the ER because, 1) I'm at Uni and I have to try to attend and 2) if I go to the ER, I'll end up in a psych ward.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
Niniane - Could you speak to a counsellor at Uni or anything?
Roli - I am going to try I'm just terrified.
It sounds good that you're trying to find things each day; have you found something for today?
I can't - just because I don't have anything in my life during the days...I'm alone and bored. Gah.
Hugs tight.
Well my CPN just cancelled. Was supposed to meet her at 12ish... hmmm. Now what?!
I'm glad your going to try. Thats a good start.
I know what you mean about being alone and bored. I am similar.
What or who are you fighting for atm hun? What has made you hang on this long?
Today- I have yet to find anything. Things are just getting a lil worse by the second.
Hugs tightxx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I'm sorry you guys are struggling so much right now.
Roli are you going to call your cpn? I hope so sweetie... don't want to lose you. I'm worried about you too. <3
Katie... It is soooo hard sitting at home with nothing to do. I can't stand it. Hugs you. It won't be like this long. You'll be back at work soon. Please stay safe. I'm worried about you pushing the date up on your plan all the time. Squishes honey. Keep talking to us.
Niniane maybe seeing the school medical personnel would be good then?
I didn't get a great nights sleep but I did sleep some. Now I've got to pull it together for the day. Still thinking. Feeling very alone right now.
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I have a plan. I hate myself so much for this. It's a horrible situation... If I stay alive then a certain relative will continue hurting myself (although I don't care about myself anymore) and numerous others cause I'm terrified of reporting the person... If I go thru with it then my pets will die,which hurts me so much in every possible way :'-(