long road- Hey hun, its been a while since we spoke, I doubt you remember me. Just wanted to say that its great you haven't been feeling this way in a while. I'm sorry that the thoughts have come again. I know its hard when you have been free of them.
Its always worth talking to someone about the longing feeling. Its often caused by something- whether it be to be free from your pain, to find peace, to escape something etc. It might help to find out what it is you long for. Because death in itself isn't all that appealing unless it has an objective.
Take care hun, were all here if you want to get anything off your chest.
I remmber you roli we had good pm chats and stuff.
I dont really want to die I just want the bad to stop.
And I am meant to be getting help someone to talk to been referred but not heard back yet.
saw different ways I could commit suicide on my way to uni this morning, so have plans in my head now which doesnt help.
It does make it harder having plans and ideas doesn't it. *Sigh*
Just try to hurry them along a bit- they can get a little slow with referals and shizzle. Really annoying when you need them, but keep at it. Til that gets through, please try to tell someone you tryst. Just to get it out of you a little.
Its so easy to leave this damned place if you have your heart set on it... Its so much harder to live in it.
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
@Mum24 I'm still hurting but not suicidal. Now, I'm really angry at myself for even going there.
No one knows what's going on with me. No one even knows anything is wrong. As far as everyone else is concerned, I'm perfectly happy. Don't get me wrong during the day and in public I can be happy. It's just I get these bouts of depression and they get severe to the point of suicidal thoughts. I feel like if I let my emotions out more and didn't spend so much time bottling them up than I wouldn't feel so suicidal. However, like I said, I haven't been able to tell anyone and right now I feel like wearing my emotions on my sleeve would just make those around me miserable. I can't do that, especially during what's supposed to be such a happy time of year.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I feel like I need to be honest, so I apologise;
I'm really struggling with the thoughts right now. I feel lost...like you know when you dive too deep and you start to not know which way is up? That's how I feel. So very lost and alone. I can't reach out for help, whenever I try to I chicken out. I try to post but I'm weak and I don't deserve support. I can't call my CPN because he's pretty much given up on me. I can't call my psychiatrist because he's on leave until January. I can't do anything. I can't call crisis because they'll send the ambulance again and I can't go to hospital because that'll mean I won't get back to work when I go for my review with OH and I NEED to be back at work. I can't do anything. All I can think about it going back to drinking but I REALLY don't want to walk down that path again...not so soon.
Blah. *hugs for all*
Stay strong you guys.
x Katie x
Captain B2. When someone you know is hurting you would want to know right? People care and can take it. Try letting out just a little bit to the right person and see how it goes. And if it turns out it wasn't the right person, try the next guy. It's so worth it. And don't beat yourself up. We've all here had suicidal feelings. They are hard.
I don't even have the words to call anyway. Even if I did. I could call Samaritans again, but I feel like I'm always bothering them. I must call them at least once a frigging week. I just feel like I don't deserve any of it. I have a plan. I have a date. I have it all. It won't get out of my head. I want so badly to be okay again, but it's not going to happen...because none of it will have changed anything. It can't bring any of them back. It can't take away what happened. I just...I feel like I've reached the end of the line and now I'm just lost.
You're not bothering them. The end of the line means a new line... A different hope. There is a chance for a different life. I say call the SAMs that's what they are there for. Oh sweetie I understand. Big squishes.
We all think that we'd be better off if we weren't alive but in reality we aren't able to see how amazing and wonderful our lives really are until we're crawling out of the bottom of a dark empty pit.
I know that we all feel really crappy and I'm in a deep stage of depression at the moment but this time will pass for all of us and things will get better. None of us will wake up tomorrow and feel amazing but in time we can all be happy again.
Morning guys. Just wanted to send everyone a boost of energy. We will make it through this.
I won't be around much for the next week or so, I hope I make it through the wedding I go to without any major breakdowns.
Keep your heads up in the meantime
An indefinable yearning, possibly for something he once knew and then lost or for something he never knew and has always been searching for.
Feeling very very suicidal today. I always get so set on doing it when i get home from work but never do. I think sometime before christmas is when i want to do it. My religious beliefs have somewhat been in question as of late so if I do "go to hell" it would be my choice. I have tried to be the best person i can be in this body. I truly believe i am an ugly human being inside and out. I just cant go on anymore. Tried everything, medicine, threapy, everything.
cs10228 - Have you discussed how you're currently feeling with anyone? Or is there anyone you can call?
Niniane - What's made you feel this way today? Do you have some support around you today?
*hugs for all*
I cant tell anyone. I hate life and telling someone anyway wont help. Im just a lost cause. The world wont be slowed by me being gone. I told my doctor and i feel he doesnt care that much. Whats the use? Im at my lowest of lows and i dont see the future being very bright.
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
